Husband is ruining Xmas already

[Pbaby0401]

Im using this space to vent more than anything as there’s not much else I can do at the moment!

Dh and I had a strained day yesterday, his parents are staying with us and they’re not the easiest and it has manifested itself in us snapping at each other throughout yesterday. Eventually it went into a bit of a row and he told me to ‘ go f yourself you f*g slg’, while I was holding our newborn baby.

his parents both heard and tried to tell him how out of order he was and he turned on both of them, screaming at everyone and then went to bed. Both of them said to me that they hope he behaves today.

well he’s woken up and started again, making out that we’re all ganging up on him and trying to make a big deal out of everything. I’ve told him I don’t want to discuss it as it’s Xmas day and we’ve also got 2 dds aged 2&4 that I want to enjoy their day. This is somehow making him more angry that I wont argue with him.

it’s like dealing with an overemotional child and to be honest, I’m wondering if he’s got some sort of postnatal depression as he’s been off with everyone since ds was born a month ago. Either way though, I just want to make today as magical as possible for the kids and he seems intent on ruining it. I’ve just spent the past 20 mins feeding ds in bed with tears rolling down my face. Not the best start to a Christmas morning.

im so upset and angry with him but feel like I need to put on a fake smile and just get through the day.

like I said, I suppose I’m just using this to vent but any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly received.

Really hope everyone else has a lovely day!

This. I stayed with my DH far too long because the kids were little. It may not get better. Seriously sit down with him and tell him this is unacceptable behaviour after Christmas is over. Sending strength for today and hope your kids have lots of fun!

Just tell h to go away. Sounds as if his parents have his number, so they might step up and help you today, but just tell him if he can't act like a loving husband and father on Christmas Day, that he needs to spend it elsewhere.

Then you can work out what you want going forward.

I second not going overboard. Ignore your dh and concentrate only on the dcs. Let the in-laws and your dh look after themselves. If they need a drink they know where the fridge is. Also agree on going for a walk, get some fresh air even if just with one if your dcs.
Going forward thinking about what he brings to the table. Do not invite any guests over to stay. Put yourself first. If this is how he treats you in front of his parents I’d be very worried about his behaviour.

I’d be telling him to go and spend his Christmas Day elsewhere.

I had years of an Ex being like that on any special day and eventually I realised it was much nicer without him there.

Don't let him gaslight you into saying you have ruined Christmas- that is all on him

Yes rather than having a confrontation today, l would just be civil but not warm and loving and concentrate on the kids.

Fucking prick how dare he call you that.

I'd be asking his parents to sort out their child whilst you concentrate on yours

Sorry to read how much of a cunt your dh is.

Hopefully this is your last Christmas with him and you and your children have a wonderful time regardless of his pathetic behaviour.

Tell his parents to sort their child out.

What a horrible man x

Please don't apologise to keep the peace, as is suggested upthread, not after his performance.

Anyone who utters the words he did to a woman with his 1mo child is a piece of scum. He's in a mood like a petulant child because he doesn't have your 100% attention.

get through the day as best you can and consider your options.

He doesn't have pnd - he's just an abusive cunt.

Get his parents to take him to their house. He's a cunt.

That's totally unacceptable, however stressed he is. I'd be asking him to leave until he can be more civil. My DH spoke to me once like that and we nearly split up over it (and we've been married over 20 years).

If you have 3 under 5 though, I can see how reluctant you might be to rock the boat, but in the long run if he sees he can get away with treating you like that then he will do it again (and it won't be a good path for either of you).

I also don't think that it's his parents fault, unless they're modelling that behaviour too.

I echo others on here who advise getting through today with the focus being on your baby. However, you may need to consider long term the impact on you and your child if this is the beginning of a pattern.

I would struggle to get past anyone saying these horrible degrading misogynistic things to my face as I held their baby, and our other DC and his parents were around to make the humiliation complete.

I honestly don't think he sounds like he enjoys being a dad or being part of a family very much.
A lot of men just go along with it. They don't like the lack of sex or coming second to the kids. You have to treat them like children and make a huge fuss of them to get them to behave.
Personally I wouldnt, I'd die on that hill but then again I'm divorced three times, but if you want a happy christmas you might have to.

My god. I can't believe someone would speak to someone else like that if they had genuine love and respect for them. Would he speak to his dad like that for example? Or his friends? There are many people out there who would worship the ground you walked on and you didn't have to walk on eggshells around. I used to be with someone who would get drunk and call me a disgusting slut. My husband now would never fucking dream of raising his voice at me because he loves me to the ends of the earth and respects me as his equal.

This.

Don't worry about making the day magical, just focus on your kids and ignore his horrible behaviour as much as you can. Big hugs OP.

God, this is awful.

Agree with those who say just focus on your children. That's more than a full-time job for one person anyway.

However difficult your in laws are, they sound as though they have got your back at the moment. Tell them your're really upset. Give them practical things they they can do to help. Say that you need their help to make the day as good as it can be for the children.

Yy to getting out if you can or getting your in laws to take your dds out to run off some energy for a bit.

Ignore your husband for the moment. Don't let him make it all about him.

Although you have a lot of thinking to do once Xmas is over about your relationship.

What a piece of shit! No matter if he feels 'rough'/tired or whatever (and I am sure he could not be as tired as a new mum!) , he should not have behaved like that. Hopefully he will take himself off to the bedroom out the way.

A good idea by another poster to go on a walk with the kids and maybe the inlaws too as it can get a bit much staying indoors all the time - just make sure you have the key with you because who knows? Bratty boy may not let you back in!

Does the turd have history? At least the In Laws have seen and hear for themselves that it is not you!

As the others have said be civil (no reason for you both to at like 4 year olds) and concentrate on the kids having a fab time and keep the In Laws fed and watered!

I hope that despite his behaviour you can have a Happy Christmas.

There is only one person who has been humiliated and it is not the OP.

Divorce the stupid cunt

So sorry OP, he sounds like an abusive idiot. If he's often like this I think that you should seriously look at ending your relationship in the new year. He doesn't respect you. Raise the bar, you deserve so much better. x

Theres not a date on the calendar I would tolerate being called a fucking slag by anyone. This Christmas is not magical, and that is not your fault.

If you can't decamp with the kids to your family, I'd tell his parents to leave and take him with them.

PND or not, unacceptable.

What a twat.
His parents should have a serious word, although is it learnt behaviour from them?
I'm so sorry, I hope the day improves and he apologises.