Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Fantastic!!!!! 😁😁😁😁😁

Thank you for this post. I think you're totally right and I'd not thought of it like that before.

I decided against stopping for now and joined POF. Was speaking to four different really nice guys last night.

But what do we know?
CONVERSATIONS DO NOT EQUATE WITH A REAL LIFE NICE HUMAN BEING

I also returned to Match as I've paid till the end of February. MrG's light was switched on so was live there (can see in my messages) so quickly blocked him. Also blocked on my phone.

Feeling very 🤷‍♀️ about it all thankfully

@beepbeepme I made myself chuckle as I was driving home from yoga last night thinking about you DTD (with MrBike) and wanting to say 'it's just like RIDING A BIKE' you don't forget what to do or what goes where.
😂😂😂😂😂

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss 😂😂😂 you really don't!! Riding MrBike ! 😂😂😂

A little update from me, I messaged the guy last night to see if he would like to meet for dinner this week if he was free and the answer was yes! Just trying to get our diaries aligned…

MrGlasses and I have an initial phone chat scheduled for tonight.

I'm committing to myself here If he doesn't ask Qs or has a good sense of humour I will not be lured into an actual date.

This is where I always always fall down. I get off the phone after first ever chat thinking 'Well that was a disappointment' but having agreed to meet up - too much of a people pleaser! I then will continue to meet up and eventually sleep with them.

I am or should I say I WAS completely ridiculous. I will be better at telling people 'Thanks but no thanks' in 2023 as my time and energy are precious. I do not regret the dating adventures of previous years but will only now get involved with or slow my diary to be filled with people who meet my expectations in interest levels and having a matched sense of humour.

I was thinking of paying for 6mths on Match. But I'm a bit confused about what I actually get for my money.

It seems I can message people but unless they are also members then they can't reply. But I can't see if they are members or not.

Is there any point in signing up?

I have to be honest…0 anxiety. I’m doing my thing and enjoying my time with MrEx. I am totally in peace. I think he’s the slightly anxious one to be honest. Second opportunity is fantastic because I got my closure and I feel totally different. I think I am a lot less invested too. I love him as always but I don’t feel the need to change him or to ask for extra stuff or whatever. I am ok with letting him slide if I don’t feel we progress to be honest. We should all get a second chance with renewed vision. We do not have to be anxious. If it’s ok and meant to be it is and getting anxious is terrible for a relationship . There are plenty of other things to get anxious about, war, economy, kids future etc. I will be very sad to leave him if I have to but right now I am enjoying a really chilled time.

Also make sure you feel physically attracted. It is pointless chatting very nice witty guy if he really doesn’t give you any fanny galloping…beware and pay attention to whatever did work for you before. There is such thing as dating and swiping fatigue. I should know because by month 7 of OLD I was suffering it and was totally jaded about it all.

Nelly, I was in match for like 2 weeks. I hated it. Yes lots of blokes messaging but so few really eligible men. I found it a waste of time and money. I paid for bumble and it really gave me choice and control. I went incognito as soon as I knew about this feature so no one could see me so they could not message me. I did all the picking 😂. Only those I saw and picked could answer back or just pass.

Good news…who is he? Talk a bit so we can also be hopeful for you 😊

Beepbeep…loving the updates… keep enjoying everything

Unfortunately I am sexless and with no MrEx until early February. Suits me fine as kids with exams and craziness all round. He can focus on his very demanding job and weekend with his DC

@Mila14 so we matched on Bumble between Christmas and new year. He’s early 50’s and I’m mid 40’s. He doesn’t have children and has never been married but that’s the same for me.

I shall name him Mr Tech as he works in some technical field that I don’t fully understand 😂

First meet was a coffee, second was a few drinks in a pub (non alcoholic as we both had to drive). Hoping we can get a dinner date arranged this week.

He doesn’t message very much which I’m getting used to as it’s very different from previous matches, but they didn’t work out so trying not to read anything into it and just accept that is how he communicates…

Mila14 that's interesting about Bumble.
I've thought about paying but there doesn't seem to be many men on there in my area.

But there's quite a few on Match that look interesting.

I think the fact none of you have kids makes things a lot simpler. For people with kids and past marriages or significan relationship with kids this can be a major red flag. For you it’s PERFECT. Go and enjoy. Check the guy in linked in too. It’s important to know if you are looking for a long term relationship and if he is too. Some people settle on their bachelor ways and don’t want to make changes for anyone. A level of inflexibility is to be expected but if you fancy him and he’s ticking your boxes everything is great. Best of luck and enjoy everything

Up to you Nelly, if there are more in match go ahead . Think of it as a necessary investment. You need to be able to control somehow and select your picks

Once and Definitely, I started to adopt the habit of telling people* *"Thank you, but no thanks. Good luck!" (Well a little bit more elaborate than that, but not much more). Then I know that they know and don't have to keep guessing/wondering, like I've done (and it can really get to you). Then, in some cases, they might not really take in the message or react like a lunatic (eg one guy went mental and told me how horrible I was for leading him on - we'd just chatted for half an hour top and had had a 5 minutes call...😨). But if I've given a clear and brief message, then I know the issue is certainly not with me.

I find following this thread super helpful for me even if I'm not very good at writing. Great to hear about the good ones like Mila and Beep. it gives me hope, which is much needed. So thank you!

I'm still on the apps but not really that bothered at the moment. Too much good life going on right now. Although I had a young gentleman over for dinner & fun at the weekend. 13 years younger and totally lush. 😊

13 years younger…you little cougar… 😈. The important thing is that you are enjoying your life as it is and being a bit blasé about apps is a really good attitude.

Thank you @Mila14! I have done my linked in research 🧐

Your comment about him not having been married nor having children not being a red flag as I’m in the same position is reassuring. I’ve seen it mentioned before that if someone hasn’t been married etc then there must be something wrong with them, but I have never been fussed about marriage and children have never been on my radar, so I just think it would be the same for some men.

Are you dating me by any chance, sounds like me … ?🤷🏼

@NoDatingForOldMen are you in Wiltshire?!

Nope 😂

Phew 😂 imagine that, I start talking about some random man I’ve met on the internet to other random people on the internet and he’s one of them 😬

@BluntEmily , yes I can see how could an issue 😂

That would be so funny!

So, I’m moderately hopeful that I may actually get to the point of the whole game tonight. Things are most definitely hotting up with MrPottery over the phone, and we are going out for a drink. Near his place. And we both know full well why!

Wish me luck. T-4hours. I’m not exactly nervous, but, well, it’s been a bloody long time!