Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@BluntEmily I meant about me. Maybe I've got carried away in it all. I haven't had good relationship experiences. Perhaps it's a non starter, he is 2 hours away, however he has done a few long distance relationships. I feel rubbish today and my gut reaction is to bolt. 😢i felt it rude he said I come across as insecure and to consider a closer relationship. I think that says it all...

@Mila14 it was very good, very enthusiastic and noisy 😂 I'm still feeling insecure, for some reason last night I thought what if I wasn't good enough, I'm out of practice 😬 but he seemed happy enough!

@iceberrywhite I hope you're ok. Dating is so draining sometimes and I can see why you are annoyed at his response.

@iceberrywhite
hasn't said how he feels and it was getting a little frustrating so I asked him. He said he wants a relationship but he isn't rushing into anything. He said I'm coming across as insecure!! he has had a lot of relationships. He also said for me to consider meeting someone closer?

He likes you but not enough I think. If you keep seeing him you will get more anxious… doesn’t bode well in my opinion lovely

Beepbeep… DTD… it’s about how you felt too. You will enjoy yourself a lot more if you let go of your insecurities. Go for pleasure and enjoyment and do not judge yourself

@Mila14 yes I need to relax and stop feeling insecure I know. I did really enjoy it though, I wouldn't have changed anything!

@Mila14 Yes, you could be right. I haven't messaged today and neither has he. Where do I go from here?

@iceberrywhite Oh, I’m sorry that you’re feeling rubbish, this is the side of dating that is horrible - someone you don’t know that well having an impact on how you feel.

I do think that lots of calls and messages can mean that you end up getting more invested early on.

If someone is making you feel rubbish, they are not worth your time

Despite having a lovely Thursday and saturday night together I'm feeling quite anxious. He hasn't given my any reason to feel this way, it's entirely me. I'm overanalysing everything, I think it's just because of our recent difficulties. Last night he was out for a few drinks with the lads and I could find myself wondering why he wasnt texting even though we were together until lunchtime yesterday. We have our nights away the first weekend in February and I really want to relax in the meantime. I dont want to feel this way, especially as I really dont need to if that makes sense.

LuckyLinda3

i realised I’ve spent a whole year feeling anxious in my time with Balkan
thats a long fucking time

now I’m not you , and I’m certainly not an expert

but I’ve chosen anxiety free for 2023 and I can’t have another year of this

i think maybe some things break your trust and it never really comes back

either way be kind to yourself and don’t force yourself to feel a certain way

@LuckyLinda3 Sorry, I realise I’m new here so feel free to ignore me 😂

I think when you’ve been through some difficulties in your relationship it’s usual to want some reassurances, but maybe he’s thinking the difficulties have been overcome and everything is all good and back to normal? Would he normally have messaged if he was out with his mates?

I’m totally with you on the overanalysing and overthinking though, why do we torture ourselves?!

That sounds like an amazing day @beepbeepme and how lush that DTD has been done, ticked off and was fun 🤩 This is off to a wonderful start for you.

Little gossip for those of you who followed my OLD shenanigans. There was a Mr Fox who was extraordinarily attractive but then I found out he was living with his mum ( huge NO)and other stuff I didn’t like … I never met him and just erased his his number. He’s resurfaced with pics from a place I quite like to eat in that I once suggested to him. Clown world … surprised her still had my number !

Im stupid. I said I would stay off the apps but now having sporadic slightly uninspiring message exchanges with two irons. MrHills wants a second date - cinema is being proposed and a new MrGlasses would like a meet.

I feel a bit annoyed with myself looking at my 2023 Goals they are all about work, house, family, fitness. Nowhere does it say 'Have more liaisons with blokes' so what am I doing?

I have two options - give them both a polite 'I'm out' message or plod through Date 2 (Hills) and Date 1 (Glasses) then be true to myself and let them know I'm not going to take things forward.

That's the trouble with dipping your toe into the apps if you do end up seeing someone interesting you are then obliged to chat and even though my gut tells me neither are my kind of guy I'm too much of a people pleaser to bow out.

@BluntEmily and @Thisisworsethananticpated, thank you for replying. We have certainly had a rocky patch recently but neither has broke the others trust, more niggly stuff. I'm aware it's very much my issue as he is very secure, chatting about booking a holiday, getting our kids together for a meal out and looking forward with us very much together. Yes normally he would send a wee text when he is out but not always. He would instigate most of our text sessions and we would be in contact every day. I need to chill I think.

@BluntEmily and @Thisisworsethananticpated, thank you for replying. We have certainly had a rocky patch recently but neither has broke the others trust, more niggly stuff. I'm aware it's very much my issue as he is very secure, chatting about booking a holiday, getting our kids together for a meal out and looking forward with us very much together. Yes normally he would send a wee text when he is out but not always. He would instigate most of our text sessions and we would be in contact every day. I need to chill I think.

That's so odd @Mila14 he sent you pics?

Oncey, if they are not your type… why bother?? It’s strange you want to date another “ not your type “ guy. I think Mr Cars was evidence that does not work for you. Go and date by all means and swipe in case you like someone but you are very very busy, at least pick someone you really really like ?

Yes, 4 pics of the marvelous place I suggested and a pic of him in said place … bonkers

You definitely NEED TO CHILL 😂😂😂. You have brilliant intimacy and have been dating for a while… please relax

Mila14

some men ive learnt are extraordinarily persistent

their tenacity is to be admired !!!!

Thanks @Mila14, you are correct. Have you had any meet ups recently or any plans to?

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I think that if you already know you’re not going to take it further with either of them, why would you waste your time going on a date with either of them? Unless you fancy a trip to the cinema, then go for it but otherwise the only person you should be trying to please is yourself.

@LuckyLinda3 good luck with the chilling 😎

Thanks @BluntEmily, I'll need it🤣. I'm a classic overthinker and chilling doesn't come naturally to me!