Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Take care Worsy , I think you are ok writing and thinking what worked and what didn’t. Unfortunately you can’t have any closure because after a year you are in love and he’s probably in love too. It’s unlucky you met at the wrong time…love yourself first and decide later. There’s no hurry

He went out last night possibly on a date and then checked POF at midnight…I’d say you are not his number 1 . Sorry

You don’t know until you DTD… that’s next and I hope it is great

And making me a handmade dinner service and some stuff for my hobby. Cool! (And if he keeps saying ‘it’s fuuuuuun’ like that I might actually explode! Man, I hope he’s as good as he sounds!)

annoyingly, I’ve recently painted all of my house except the stairs. (Which I absolutely would consider taking him up on his offer!)

Hey! How’re you doing?

@Eeksteek. Not bad, thank you. I'm just recovering from a bout of flu, but feeling much better now. I'm not dating as yet, but I might wait until college is over later this year ❤️

Hi @Neonbug and welcome to the thread 😁

I sometimes feel I don't post enough about everyone else but there are a few reasons for this - usually when I come on advice has already been given and I feel I'd just be regurgitating what's been said but also I'm quite socially anxious so feel a bit like "who cares what I think" etc so don't always comment.

Breakthrough!
I know that for most of you this is normal but Mr Serb only ever communicates transactionaly re date and time of meeting etc and so was not expecting to hear from him this weekend as we both have lots of work and family stuff on. But today due the first time in the 18months we have been seeing each other he messaged me to ask if I was okay. Completely out of the norm.
Makes me happy.

Welcome to the thread, @Neonbug ❤️

Hello all, I have lurked for threads and threads and need some help please!

Have been on a couple of dates with a man I met on bumble. Messaging is pretty sparse but I don’t actually mind that at this stage.

He suggested/arranged the two dates that we’ve had so I wasn’t sure whether I should suggest the next one or wait to see if he does?

I’m confused as I’ve read that if a guy likes you, he’ll want to make an effort/get dates booked in, but equally I don’t want to sit back passively. What to do wise ones?

@BluntEmily how was it left on your last date, was there any talk of meeting up again? Has there just been a few messages since?

He messaged after the date to say he’d had a great evening and to check I’d gotten home ok and it would be good to catch up again.

I replied to say I’d had a good night too and it would be good to catch up again soon and he replied with a thumbs up! He’s not a man of many words 😂

That was only last night. I’ve not heard from him today but that’s not unusual.

@BluntEmily Personally I always used to like it when the woman proposed or suggested the next date, it always felt like there was an equal level of interest

Thank you @NoDatingForOldMen I think that’s where I’m coming from in terms of preferring things to be equal. It’s useful to hear a man’s POV and that you don’t find it off putting

@Mila14 we DTD tonight 😁 To be discreet, it was fun 😁 Hasn't changed my feelings, just great!
We spent all day together, walked loads, had coffee, a drink, dinner, went back to his.

@NoDatingForOldMen interesting point regarding an equal level of interest. We are led to believe that men like to chase. What are your thoughts on messaging...do you like it to be fairly equal too? I know I am personally guilty of sitting back a bit and letting him message. I am good at replying but as you mentioned I could also even it up a bit by initiating a bit more. Great to have male perspective here.

@BluntEmily think that sounds positive and if there’s something you fancy doing it can’t hurt to suggest it. If he then says no or doesn’t answer at least you know where you stand x

I think that is what was making me unsure of what to do - whether I should let him do the chasing but I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I wonder what happens when men that like the chase “catch” whoever it is they are chasing.

Thank you @Stayingstrongish you’re right that at least I will know one way or another!

It’s helpful to chat through to get to that answer. I didn’t want to admit to another possible OLD failure to anyone IRL as I’ve had a few!

Please help! I'm unsure what to do. So, I met a guy via online dating after a relationship breakup Aprl 21, we chatted for a number of weeks and he then sent a message re me being busy and effectively ended the chats. Fine, I wasn't in the right place anyway and left it, didn't chase or pursue. Fast forward just before Christmas gone, he contacted me again and this turned into nightly video calls, we got on really well and I enjoyed the costs, he made me laugh. We met for the first time the weekend before last, he lives at a distance. 2 long walks and I felt instant attraction. We met again yesterday, again I thought it went well. He hasn't said how he feels and it was getting a little frustrating so I asked him. He said he wants a relationship but he isn't rushing into anything. He said I'm coming across as insecure!! he has had a lot of relationships. He also said for me to consider meeting someone closer? Equally he talks and hints about the future. I feel I'm getting mixed messages. What is the best thing to do here? how do I approach this.😐

Again this this just my personal opinion ( as one male), if I was the person always having to kick off each ‘session’ of messaging I would think that the other person had less interest in me as was a bit passive by ‘waiting’, IYSWIM.

Opening messages after a match are more interesting, it generally the norm for the man to open with a message, ( in my age group, I’m an old fart , ), I wonder that’s different with the younger generation & women send more openings messages in the under 30s ? 🤷🏼

Well well well … MrSerb is softening out 😂😂🥰. I think 18 months have affected him! Anyway, you know what he feels for you and you two have a good thing regardless of him being austere about texting. Enjoy Jangolina

Beepbeep… EXCELLENT news. Enjoy everything but really you are spending a lot of time together and feeling good. I think it’s looking very good for both of you. DTD was an important step to se whether intimacy works

@iceberrywhite when you asked him how he feels, did you mean about you or about dating/relationships in general?

Whilst you’ve been chatting a lot, you have only met him 3 times. How far away does he live? Can you dial back on the video calls and meet more in person?

Slothy, your posts are always good for the rest of us. We appreciate your comments and your personal view. I think you post quite little about you compared to some of us !!
I think intensity varies depending on where we are at in our dating/love life