Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hmm

I don’t want to buy into ‘men are rubbish’ as that’s a depressing world view (for me !)

they are as messed up as we are methinks

Balkan was a selfish twat but he’s messed up after his divorce
I’m messed up after mine but in a different way

I think it’s turns men emotionally avoidant and us women really fucking anxious

look at this thread !! Anxiety central

I’m texting with a very very young man
my thinking is no baggage !

@Thisisworsethananticpated a few things in your reply to me stood out..that I may be sensitive atm and the relaxed feeling had gone. I think you are right on both fronts, I feel frustrated at how my birthday/christmas/new year panned out and have a level of expectation which is putting pressure on everything. Last night I texted him to invite him over to have dinner with us and he replied straight away to accept. We had a really lovely evening, ate and relaxed in front of a nice fire with my daughter. We went to bed then and had the most amazing time, our physical connection is another level. This morning he thanked me repeatedly for a lovely evening and night saying he didnt want to leave. I'm thinking maybe I just need to chill a bit and enjoy what we have because there are so many positives with us. He suggested us taking a day off together next week so I'm thinking a nice beach walk with tea and sandwiches and a wee warming up session in the car after🤭.

Hey I’m glad you had a nice time

and I really hope it can work out x

That sounds lovely @beepbeepme!

Well he didn't meet me. I can't say I'm not upset because I am, very.

I had to text him to find out

Cue - I thought he was different
He seemed so nice
Blah blah

Contrary to popular belief I had put a lot of expectations on this. I'm gutted.

Definitelycross
sorry 😞 x
I won’t even ask his excuse
but I’m sorry your upset

I'm so sorry to read this - I've had this happen (once 3 times in one week!) and it's rubbish. His loss.

That's tough @Definitelycross how long have you been dating MrG?

Is that it with him now or a blip? Sorry you feel disappointed and sad.

Just to add my 10p onto this, it’s like going into a self service sweet shop, some of the most interesting sweets are too high for you to reach, or the jars won’t open, or your favourites are all gone.
And when you leave the sweet shop you realise it’s ultimately been quite a disappointing experience and you often leave empty handed

Sorry to read this, hopefully you are holding up okay

@Definitelycross ❤️

Beepbeep…these things do happen. We were in “I love you” territory a week after meeting ( MrEx and I). Both thinking about the other 24/7. Endless e mails and texting all the time we could. Every time we could meet was like Christmas ( kids were young then and I had mine all the time so a lot of engineering opportunities). We are now slightly surprised we were this completely mad and vulnerable. 7 years later and a lot has happened but I’m still in love and we’d rather spend time with each other than with anyone else ( bar our kids). We might not make it in the future but nobody’s fault I think. We are still having the hottest sex and deeply respect each other. I think it can happen and I think it’s ok you are living this with huge intensity. It’s what it should be in my humble opinion. You fancy him crazy and he fancies you crazy. Just enjoy and don’t count time

@Mila14 that's lovely and gives me hope this might be something that lasts and not a flash in the pan. I don't think I'd be thinking the pessimistic way I am if I'd meet him in a bar for example, there's something about OLD isn't there that makes us very cynical and wary? Probably because a lot of people on there seem not to be genuine 🤷‍♀️

I think you are right. I think there are wonderful men out there and wonderful women right here. Getting hardened and tough is no good and takes you to bitter person territory. Yes we all have baggages, but we are kinder and wiser too. Let’s just give ourselves a chance too
Balkan will end up healing somewhat and there might be a good partner there. Right now he’s probably had so much fight and so much shit, it’s difficult to give love properly to another woman
So you are texting young male specimen…😈…

Well done Luckylinda…I think you are on to a winner. The fact that your intimacy is wonderful is key too. I too fail being very high on expectations but I think you need to put on balance what this relationship is giving you…I see a lot more pros than against…We are anxious and tend to control too much and we really shouldn’t. If we don’t like something we can communicate and not be resentful or keep it to ourselves. I think that helps.

What happened? Why did you have to text him to find out what? I’m so sorry you are disappointed. I don’t remember who this was other than he was a tall man. And that you thought he was on the league of Mr City. How many times did you meet before?

@Thisisworsethananticpated I said some men are rubbish. Of course not all! there are many gems out there no doubt. I think women are more sanguine and if they get a good one are happy to see where that goes so to speak. Whereas some men may be more open to still looking around seeing a few people at once. I think women are less able /programmed to do that. Like I said I doubt if I ever needed to be brave enough to try online dating as it seems like it’s a jungle and I’d be trampled under foot 😟

@Mila14 no Mr city and Mr tall relate to me. I think @Definitelycross was mr g? Anyway I'm sorry he let you down deffy

Mila14

im a bit messed up too to be honest
I wrote a list of why we should split and what I won’t miss and a lot of the items are his fault

but A few are me being very anxious and insecure and NOT trusting and it’s got worse and worse till it exploded

Anyway I’ve woken up sick with a most crashing headache so this single mums signing OFF

Thanks @Mila14. You are spot on there about high expectations, more pros than cons and holding resentment. I'm going to really try to chill more and enjoy in the next few weeks before we go away for 2 nights early feb. Thank you.

Morning @NoDatingForOldMen, I hope you are doing ok at this difficult time. Very interesting sweet shop story. I think we sometimes feel it is easier for men but not necessarily. There are decent men and women out there who want to invest in real, loving, fulfilling relationships. I really hope you and all the other gems here find the happiness you deserve.

Also this is mumsnet clue is in the name 🙂, it’s a forum mainly (but not exclusively) for women to chat so it’s going to be predominantly comments about men’s behaviour as most posting here are female. If this was a men’s forum /chat room then the reverse would be true men taking about dating women & their thoughts. It’s not about doing men down it’s a forum for women and how they find dating online . This came up already when people said they liked tall men which is a fair comment @NoDatingForOldMen Didnt like that and said he was out. This is what this forum is about sharing opinions and of course it’s going to be biased as it’s aimed at women and to support women.

I was supposed to have a date today. He messaged me yesterday lunchtime to confirm time and place. And mentioned that he was going out in the evening.

About an hour later he sent another message saying he wanted to warn me that he had a cough and was feeling a bit rough so he might have to cancel.

At 5am this morning he sent a message cancelling our date. I replied that it wasn't a problem and hoped he felt better soon.

I'm 50/50 on whether I will ever hear from him again. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt but the cynic in me says I'll never hear from him again. Especially as he was on POF at midnight.

Aw @NellyTheCake that’s a bit rubbish! See how you feel if you hear from him but doesn’t sound great !😟if he was on POF at midnight

@nelliethecake - that is rough. I think your wait and see approach is sensible.