Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Evening all, so after not seeing each other all over xmas and new year we had a lovely reunion on sat night. Both off yesterday and agreed to meet for lunch. We had lovely lunch but as soon as it was over he got up to pay, we left and he dropped me back to my car. I was a bit surprised as he seemed preoccupied and in a hurry. He messaged this morning to say he'd been called into work unexpectedly. I'm off again and he apologised saying he should have refused and spent the day with me. I said not at all but it is very difficult to get time together and also said about yesterday feeling rushed and as if his mind was elsewhere. Hes just after messaging to say he is disappointed and that that he thinks I'm being a bit ungrateful and disrespectful. I'm genuinely at a loss but maybe I'm missing something? I did offer to pay for lunch and have since sent my share of the cost. Was I being off, all opinions greatly appreciated. I should add that his dad is I'll in hospital and he was going to visit him after our lunch date.

I don’t think he has done anything wrong. Honestly. He had to leave after lunch and he has his dad ill so he’s a bit absent…he needs to work. What is the issue? I don’t understand

He cut the date short, made an excuse not to see you again today then accused you out of the blue of being ungrateful and disrespectful???

Disrespectful about what?!

How long have you known him?

@Mila14 and @5thWisdom see I just don't know. I do feel he cut the date short, I would have understood totally if he had said it didnt suit and leave it to another time. To me that would have been more respectful than upping and leaving the way he did. I am fiercely independent and always always offer to pay my way or take my turn to pay. I am very grateful to him for his kindness to me and regularly tell him this, so yes I do feel hurt that of all things he would suggest im ungrateful. I just feel that we are all time precious and given that we both travelled 30 minutes to meet to literally eat and go was more disrespectful on his part.

I don't know enough of your back story. How long have you known him? There's clearly a communication issue here. Does he have form for suggesting that you've behaved badly out of the blue with no explanation?

Sorry @5thWisdom, we've known each other 2 years. Always struggled getting time together. His dad has been in hospital since before xmas so there have been many opportunities to visit. I wasnt expecting him not to go see his dad but just not to be so rushed either. I'm thrown because he doesnt have form and to be honest had told me numerous times that he loves how I'm so grateful for anything he does for me which I am. I'm at a loss to understand except that as you say maybe there was a difference in expectations which wasnt communicated but I just dont know.

LuckyLinda3

maybe he hasn’t done anything wrong but the trust and feeling relaxed has gone ? After the events prior

So you are maybe on edge and sensitive to anything and everything now ?

I Don’t know , I had enough of these episodes with Balkan hence I’ve temporarily ghosted him
which is not as evil as it sounds

set a date in diary
if you still feel anxious and not secure by X date

walk away

You could be right @Thisisworsethananticpated. I 100% trust him but I think maybe you are right because of events prior our expectations may not be matching. After our last falling out he said he wanted to up his effort and make this our best year yet. Its not an ideal start. Before Christmas I booked a few nights away for us in early feb. I will wait to then and review.

LuckyLinda3

yeah I’ve read a few of your stories and it’s hard to bounce back when someone disappoints you so much
and maybe they don’t mean to hurt you
it’s not malicious

for me something is now broken
see how it goes in feb ?

Thanks for your kindness @Thisisworsethananticpated, much appreciated.

LuckyLinda3

your welcome
we’ve both had blips at the same time I remember

it helps that other areas of my life are ok (and they weren’t for a while )

im so anti dating I should probably stay off MN for a while 😂

I'm watching "Married to a Psychopath" and may never dare again 🤦🏼‍♀️😬!

Date not dare but dare to date fits regardless!

@LuckyLinda3 disrespectful about what?
that bit doesn't make sense.

Maybe he was just preoccupied and worried about his dad?

@LuckyLinda3 I would give him a few days to get his head together, and then check in with him ❤️

@LuckyLinda3 with out knowing a bit more I don’t see you are in the wrong, after 2 years I don’t see why you would be going 1/2’s , I would have thought his turn/ your turn etc.
having someone in hospital is certainly a distraction

Hey, everyone- name changed but I've been a long time lurker and occasional poster on these threads for a while.

Single for years after divorce, dated a bit casually but no one really to write about and honestly being single after 12 years was a revelation so wasn't keen to give it up. Finally started to feel over the last year that I'd like hopefully have a relationship again.

Finally met someone I really clicked with that kind of blew me away at how aligned we were with politics, interests etc. really funny as well. Had a lovely few dates and one incredible kiss that made me feel like a giddy teenager.

A few days after our last date they messaged to say they realised they had very little time to date (this is fair with what they have said about work/young kids commitments) and felt it wasn't fair to me and they didn't want to just do casual as they aren't into that (me either). Really complimentary about me and would like to continue to hang out as friends when we both have time as they love my company. I absolutely know 100% they were attracted to me as well and not to be a twat but I've never been short of (usually unwanted) attention I know Im reasonably good looking.

It's really made me feel quite sad. Am I being a knob? It's just so rare I'd even chat to someone and want to meet them even, and then to have such a great time/lots in common/chemistry and still get blown off (even if they did it in a lovely, mature and honest way) just makes me feel there is no hope.

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers I'm the same, don't get how I was ungrateful or disrespectful. I've noticed that we are now at the point where we are more direct when we have disagreements and can only think this may be the case as hes not normally rude or bad mannered or into name calling.@NoDatingForOldMen thanks, I don't want this to be about whos right or wrong but feel his reply was a bit sharp. I will definitely take into consideration that he has his dad on his mind. I fully respect that.
I really think we need to break this cycle and inject some fun back into what we have before we lose it altogether l

@LuckyLinda3 no, I don't either. I would just hang it there for the moment and let him come to you. It sounds like he was just feeling stressed and taking it out on you a bit, which is shit ❤️

Boleynforsoup

thats a bit gutting (very)
but Jesus this shit happens

better you know now that’s he’s mentally unavailable for you now than later when you are hooked ?
and good he was honest

its sad , but you will bounce back

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers thanks for your kindness, means so much when feeling a bit shit ❤

@Boleynforsoup the iron I've just sent an identical message to the one you've received might well be thinking the same exact thing as you so I feel a bit bad now for not listing out all the things he did which annoyed me and added up to indicate he was someone I don't want to be romantically involved with PLUS I genuinely don't have the headspace or energy or time or inclination to have another person in my life besides my immediate family and friends.

It won't be you. It's him. And instead of thinking doomy thoughts doesn't it give you hope that if you found one you'll find another, different but just as interesting and aligned for you?

^ that's easy for me to say when it's not me that's been let go. Many of us have had our hearts broken, pride wounded, trusts broken or worse from post-divorce dating but if you give yourself time to lick wounds and remind yourself you are fabulous without a man then get back in the saddle you'll probably find a new decent guy at some point. Or do what I do in these circumstances and have some wanton casual liaisons in a 'get over one man by swiftly getting under another' kind of a way. I wouldn't actually recommend this as you end up being upset when that one ends so then do it again and get upset again and never have time to rejuvenate and find yourself after emotional bruising.

Time for this?

I had an incredible date last night with MrBike, some very intense kissing and a bit more 😂 We seem to click so well and now I'm scared because I've finally found someone I really like, who I think I could fall in love with. Trying to be cool, but not very good at it 😂 He said he misses me when we're not together and we're meeting up Sunday. I already know if this goes wrong it's going to hurt 😬 I've felt very secure in past relationships so this is quite new to me. He's not making me feel insecure, the opposite in fact, he's in touch every day and we've met up lots and it's always nice. I think it's just that we clicked straight away and get on so well.

I am no expert @Boleynforsoup but it looks like they like you but not enough. I think when someone really likes you, kids and ultra busy life can make things difficult but not impossible. I’m sure you are lovely and can find a more suitable partner. Don’t stay fixated on this person please 🙏

How was your drink @beepbeepme?

Any news @NoDatingForOldMen?

I know the answer to this but…. First date with Mr I.. all went well, there seemed to be a spark on both sides. We were supposed to meet tonight.

He called yesterday to say that he couldn’t make it because he had to pick his son up… fair enough. He has been txting all day but, has not suggested another date. He has asked if things between us have changed due to his stupidity. He said that he forgot that he was supposed to be looking after his son - it was a long winded explanation - which to me was a red flag!

My feeling is that he has had a better offer and hasn’t arranged another date in case it works out with this other iron..