Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Trying to push your boundaries on meeting your children is major red flag. No way. That's a non-negotiable.

Well it appears mr rugby was short lived. Despite his profile stating looking for relationship and lots of talk about not doing casual, having had quite long relationships since his divorce etc before we met I got the vibe that this wasn't case so asked if he was only looking for hook up/fwb and he replied he "wasn't sure yet what he wanted" but knew I wasn't up for that. I replied that no, I'm worth more than that and that I had enjoyed our date and would be up for more to see where he goes but if he's decided he only wants a hook he should just say and I will continue my search. He didn't comment further other than wishing me a goodnight and that was Sunday evening and not heard any further.

So annoying, I don't mind anyone wanting casual but say so! This way, given his previous assurances he was a relationship person, feels like he's decided I'd be good enough to try and sleep with, but not date, to kill time until someone he wants to date comes along 😡

I have had issues with guys wanting to meet my kids early on. One ended it with me because he didn’t think I was putting in the effort due to not introducing him to my dc. I have been seeing Mr Cherry for a while now (on and off for 8 months), he came to my house a few weeks ago whilst dd2 was home but she decided to stay in her room so he hasn’t met her. Both my teens have ASD so I am extra wary about introducing anyone new to them. I know one day I will need too but the longer I can wait the better. In a way I think it’s harder with teens than it is with younger dc.

Good for you @Lovemusic33

I have no intention of combining my actual life with my romantic life.

They've met three of my past irons. One after 6 months, one (the first) because he lived literally around the corner and I was crazy fool head over heels into him and another because he was between live-in employments and the teens had meant to be at their dads.

They thought two of them were dickheads.
Maybe I should introduce them earlier as seem to be great judges of character! 🤔😆

Mine are also all slightly or quite autistic and as previously mentioned have anxiety. Meeting new random men off the internet would really not be good for them.

Thanks, don’t know what I really want right now, I don’t think I ever felt so low and lonely as today , all looks pretty shite right now

NoDatingForOldMen

may I gently ask WHY you took the out from her

as far as I can see you like her , it’s going ok and your main challenge right now is your mum

I’m feeling miserable as fuck as I’ve ended something too but I had a reason to

how have you left things with her ?

It's a very tough time for you @NoDatingForOldMen I'm sorry you have had such a low and lonely day. Do you have siblings who you are sharing the mum situation with or are you an only child?
Have you remained in contact with MsNoShow with the pause or have comms dropped to nothing.
It leaves a big hole doesn't it.

Just keep plodding putting one foot in front of the other. You can do this.
What's your mum's mental state like? Were you close growing up?

@Slothmomma did not see that coming with MrRugby.
Blokes (and women) I guess can be unfathomable but everyone has their own situation and preferences. I know you know it's no reflection on you it's him but it would have been lovely to have a new thrilling romance to get through these dark miserable winter days. I'm sorry he let you down and disappointed you.

@5thWisdom it did slightly set my spidey senses tingling (his suggestions of him coming to mine when the kids were there but it was in the context of him having lodgers at his and teens at mine so we'd have to not get together or stay in a hotel and he was frugal/careful with money...)

@Thisisworsethananticpated @NoDatingForOldMen

I really hope you're both ok. This time of year is hard enough to get through.

You definitely did the right thing in calling it a day, from what you describe here.

Slothmomma

and onwards darling
you know and you know fast

it’s disappointing for sure
but as we say - shit happens x

5thWisdom

ill be ok
I’ve got major hanxiety as got trolled with the other single mums my age at work yesterday

was fun but I KNEW I’d be miserable today

I'm fine. Yeah I liked him but it was merely 1 date so hey ho.

@NoDatingForOldMen sorry to hear you're feeling down - we're all here for you 🤗

You don't need anyone who's going to string you along, doesn't know what he wants, blah blah.

A big fat NEXT.

I found this so frustrating - OLD is so time consuming but even worse with tyre-kicker daters like this. Just be up front and honest, for goodness sake - not this wishy washy fluffy nonsense.

Keep going @Slothmomma - his loss.

Hope you had fun letting your hair down! Needs to be done! Be gentle on yourself as you recover and you'll feel much better tomorrow.

@Thisisworsethananticpated that's amazing to hear that you are encouraging your ex to keep trying.

I got a message back from my daughter this evening to say thank you for her card and present 😊

i have been complaining commenting about the amount of time we had together, I wanted more, when I started explaining I it might actually have to be less, she gave me the classic “well if you don’t want to see me “ line I stupidly grabbed it both hands…

stupid fucking prick.

I have a sister, but she is bit rubbish with travelling ( has a car , won’t drive anywhere), so I’m the one dealing with the oldie.
yes we are close, my old man was military & was away for lots of my childhood, it felt like I grew up with an absent father , her mental state is okay

Well done @teesguy that must have been a great message to receive. Good for her but also good for you getting the gift and taking the time to drop it round.

@NoDatingForOldMen that sounds straightforward to resolve the misunderstanding with NoShow. I bet she'll be glad to hear from you. You can explain you're all mixed up at the moment but you didn't want to bin her off. Surely.

Caller her twice today, both went to VM, left messages- no response

NoDatingForOldMen

give her time
she’s probably hurting too
people do get messed up and make mistakes when highly stressed

I had a lovely day with MrBike this afternoon, a drink and dinner, then we went for a long walk. As I was about to get in my car he gave me a bunch of flowers 😊 We talked lots, about everything and anything. I'm meeting him tomorrow afternoon too for a drink and chat. So it's going really well.

Well I'm back on here, clearly doomed to keep ending up in dead ends. I just need to vent.

Started chatting to a woman on Hinge just before New Year. Seemed to have plenty in common. We met up for lunch last Sunday and got on well (in my opinion, though I don't claim to be any good at picking up social cues). However I didn't hear back from her afterwards, not until Monday evening when we exchanged a couple of messages. No response at all today (Tuesday).

She works in a hospital and owns a horse so I'm well aware that she'll be very busy at the moment, but it still feels like a long time to go with no contact at all. I really like her but given this I'm not sure that she feels the same way - which is fine, that's a normal part of life, it's the waiting in suspense which is a nightmare. At least if she told me I could move on.

Obviously I haven't said any of this to her - I feel that nothing would be surer to send someone running for the hills - so I'm just left struggling in silence.

I think that I'll start swiping again in the morning. If nothing else it'll serve as a distraction.

@teesguy how fantastic about your daughter. I'm so pleased for you.

@NoDatingForOldMen - I just want to hug you, you sound so low. You're not a prick you've got a lot going on.

I'm really sorry for everyone who is finding it tough just now.

Well, I've come off the apps totally for the time being. I'm still very much in touch with MrG and fancy the pants off him. Hopefully getting together on Friday.

Now I'm going to say something quite contentious now.
I don't disagree with sexting at the beginning any more.
I know others do and that's totally your prerogative. But sometimes it's a nice distraction and if both parties are ok with it then I don't think it's disrespectful.
This is totally my own view. I have had one sided from someone I'd not met and no it did nothing much for me so it stopped.
But in my opinion it's not a blanket BIN.
Not if it's mutual and if not they stop immediately when you ask them to.
I've been talking to a fair few of my friends about it and got a completely different perspective, from their own experiences.
I haven't dated in a million years so I'm discussing with friends who have or do and it's really helped me see that dating in your 50s is just a totally different ball game.

But, as I say, just my opinion.

DdraigGoch

ive learnt to be a bit brutal
id assume she’s not into you
and delete her details and start swiping again

we’ve all been on the receiving end of this

at best she’s got others on the go (fair enough )
at worse she’s just not feeling it

I suppose logically if someone messages loads and then meet you and messages very little
Is a clear message

sorry 😞

@Mila14 .. have a fantastic time with MrEx. It has been ages!!

@teesguy great news about your daughter. You are definitely getting somewhere.

@beepbeepme Your date with MrBike sounds so romantic. When are you seeing him again?

@NoDatingForOldMen I hope that you hear from MrsNoshow soon and sort everything out. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are going through a really difficult time.