Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Agh…I’d bin him unceremoniously. One date only…you didn’t even kiss…

This is definitely overstepping for me. MissG said she thought I was very reserved when we were initially chatting as there was nothing like this....now she says I'm just trouble 😏

Had another lovely weekend with MissG....and we booked two holidays for later in the year!! Can't believe how lucky I am to have met her 😊

It's my eldest DD's birthday today. I dropped off her card and present and I've sent her a message this morning. Will try calling later but doubt she will pick up. Just got to keep trying.

@Mollymolloy throw him back into the nork chamber. 😂😂

@Mollymolloy that's really not you being rubbish at OLD it's the bloke revealing himself to be rubbish. Who does that to a grown up woman he'd like to get to know better respectfully? No one!
'NEXT...'

@Thisisworsethananticpated yes learned some shit I probably already knew and top of the list is I am/was doing OLD for fun times and for that me that means having a shared sense of humour. If they don't make me laugh they are not for me.
They might be eligible, kind, clever and interesting but no belly aching laughing is now going to be a dealbreaker for me. And asking questions of me with a genuine interest.

And (I knew this but had forgotten) that texting all day long is dangerous and a bit foolhardy

Thanks for the advice all. You are right @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss. It does feel disrespectful. Definitely back in the nork chamber @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers 🤣

Great news about MissG @teesguy! Sounds like it is going really well. Well done for keeping up contact with your daughter. I do hope that she comes round. My ex doesn’t seem our DD’s. His choice, sadly.

Well done @teesguy keep doing what you are doing with your daughter I think she will see your consistent efforts and eventually come round it's heartbreaking though.

@Mollymolloy definitely not appropriate!

MrBike is calling later today to arrange something 😊 I'm hoping that might mean we can meet up soon. We texted a few times yesterday, nothing over the top, just both agreeing we had a great day on Sunday and that we definitely click 😊

teesguy

on the back of your post I texted my ex to say to please not give up with eldest

he never replies and leaves me on ‘read’

but I can’t just sit here and do nothing and not try to bridge them

whatever happened they do love each other

But ones PDA and one is … I don’t even know how to explain my ex

I’m sorry about that Worsy. His dad needs to treat both kids the same. We really go through so much shit with divorces…you know…no wonder it’s really hard for us to trust and fall in love. I’m slowly forgiving my STBXH but to be honest I’m not completely out of the woods.

Mila14

me neither . Some things can’t be forgiven !
I’m far more peaceful and can see where I hurt him 100%

but when someone really goes against the values we hold dear 🤷‍♀️
its a hard one to forgive

Meeting MrBike this afternoon at the pub 😊

@Thisisworsethananticpated my XH ignores my messages and has a dire relationship with at least one of his kids who has dire disabling anxiety and mental health (probably I believe due to what an utter narcissistic ragey arse he was to a sensitive kid in their formative years🙁).
She doesn't always reply to his texts but it's more due to her anxiety than her dislike of him. Mind you his rage at her twin for no reason on the one brief meal he saw them for over Xmas probs made her renew her secret poor opinion of him. Awful man.

@beepbeepme what a lovely thing. While the rest of us battle January blues and crappy dating experiences you are enjoying the heady gorgeous thrill of afternoon rendezvous with a man you like a lot and his feelings towards you are the same. This is totally lush!!!

Have a lovely, lovely time.

Hoping it's a cozy one with roaring open fire!

Enjoy enjoy enjoy.

Thank you both 🥰 He's lovely. I hope he feels the same way, he seems to.

Oncey, are you meeting MrHill too?
beepbeep…excellent news. Enjoy a lot

@Mollymolloy ha! You're very welcome 😂❤️💋

Nope @Mila14 not a dicky bird from Hills since my reply to his 'That was a great date'

I'm not fussed. If he bobs back then great. If he doesn't then also great 😊

Ah I did wonder if you'd replied to his message saying he'd like to see you again. Did you suggest a second date in the end or just leave it?

I think your suggested approach at just messaging to arrange dates is sensible, as you described the other day. Rather than updates on your daily routine and hourly thoughts. Can create a false sense of intimacy too soon. Fell into that trap.

I'm mentally listing the new rules I will follow when I return to the apps. I've learnt a lot over past few months.

Fifthie…your own rules always and what feels right to you. The really key thing for me is I don’t settle, I have to fancy the guy ( a lot) and want to kiss him and he has to be within my many filters. My filters are what I like in a partner. Each has their own and we have every right to be picky and to choose what we want. My list is large and I’m not going to compromise in what I don’t want to compromise.
I'm kid free a few days now and will see MrEx …for him, work in progress for me …totally chilled. I’m really happy with things at the moment but I’m not convinced he’s the man I want to grow old with. I do feel different and I love it.

He will probably contact but he’s not setting you ablaze either for what you described of your date. Take your time if you wish. You do have a lot of projects and interesting/challenging stuff to deal with. No worries

You are right @Mila14 he didn't did he. I'm too lax with my screening! On the other hand I'm still interested in this Slow Burn concept as have landed too many dire men due to red hot first second & third dates!

@5thWisdom it's an interesting one as on the one hand it's something I enjoy about dating interesting men is their wit, companionship and music/books/culture recommendations.

If I hadn't had MrCars constantly on the end of a message telling him about my job I would never have looked for another one & got one with more £££

Also it was by text that the turn-offs started to become noticeable for me (eg. critical comments on aspects of my parenting teens when he isn't a parent himself)

I guess moderation is the key.

Mila it sounds like you feel far more in control of your emotions and feelings, that these are measured and you can see things a lot more clearly. Which should stand you in good stead. Enjoy your child free days with him!

Yes, I think I went in all guns blazing to fill a void! This time will be more balanced- new rules include no swiping during the day, just on the odd evening. High standards. Be patient. Trust your instinct.

There is no way on God's earth I would want to hear any kind of parenting advice from someone I'm dating, however well intentioned. Erfff.

I know it's part of getting to know someone isn't it? But yes, moderation. Boring but it's the safest way.

Have a lush time with MrEx @Mila14 it's been a while hasn't it since before the Christmas hols. Long overdue.

Thanks @5thWisdom it really was the final straw for me. I've had fellas do it before 'just get a teen to mow lawn/bake cakes/take down Xmas decs'
Wtaf. Leave me alone. Have you even ever met a teen?

Also MrCars was way too keen to meet my teens for my liking. I put in place ages ago a firm principle of not introducing my kids (however old they are at the time) to anyone I've been seeing for less than 6 months and Cars wouldn't let it lie. Annoyed the hell out of me.