Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

He lives a short drive away, very convenient. No plans made yet, but he seems smitten too 😊 We're speaking later.

What a lovely way to spend a Sunday! Very exciting! ❤️ Great news.

Excellent stuff beepbeep

Beepbeep , how’s the kids situation? Are his with him weekends etc ? Or in your case , how does it work? i think for many of us this is still a challenge!

Very lucky that we've both got adult children who don't live at home, I can imagine it's quite a challenge otherwise!

He is sensitive to rejection, he asked for the truth and you lied to him, even though you had already made up your mind that you wanted out.

Imagine the reverse on here:

1. Man has decided he wants to dump woman
2. Man fades slightly
3. Woman asks man if he wants an out
4. Man lies and says no
5. Man keeps fading
6. Man dumps woman

Without doubt everyone would be saying what a dick the man had been, and he would have.

I was one of the people who put together the list on here - Rule 11 is here for a reason - treat others as you'd like to be treated. Would you like to have been lied to and then still dumped anyhow?

I wish you well

Via a via dumping

id agree that Cars deserves a very very direct message
no sugar coating as need to be definitive enough that he goes fuck me and does his own version of deleting and blocking

he really likes you Oncey - so needs a clean message so he can process it and no ambiguity

aint no good time of day or day of the week sadly

in my case we are silently ghosting as I literally cannot stomach a final conversation

I’ve blocked him on social media (so I can’t stalk 😱) and deleted his contact so I can’t see him

its the first time I can recall that it’s been so mutal and also not hatred filled

its sad but hey - this isn’t my first rodeo

It's done.
There is no ambiguity.
I deleted the bit about if he wanted to talk on the phone we can when I get back from exercise/therapy/mum's tonight. If he suggests it I'll accomodate it.

He's given me many hours of wise counsel, light relief, physical fun times, days out and generous thoughtful gifts. I owe him a gentle kind ending.

Oh hang on he's immediately written back. My monies on him being sweet and understanding.
Because he is. He seems to be good friends with several of his exes so maybe he'll offer that.

Thanks for all your support with this.

Yep he's sent a truly wonderful kind understanding text. I am in tears.

Feel like I've just binned off the best bloke I've ever had tbh.

I think Oncey has been truthful from the start. And highly sensitive. And her doubts still about ending it have been totally justified. I don’t know if you have seen but Oncey has had 2 guys before she was quite crazy about and was ghosted. It was hard to decide to break up with MrCars. I totally understand Oncey
Please don’t be judgemental and support her

Totally understand you not being able to talk and this sort of ghosting each other. I really hope Balkan gets his shit together and reaches out to you. If he does, different relationship has to happen Worsy
If he doesn’t, well…it was right for you to go through this and there were really nice moments. Take your time and get back OLD when you are ready or IRL or whatever works better

Quick update from me after I threw my toys out of the pram…

mum is okay, back out of hospital, but really bad on her feet not, she adamantly refusing to move or have home help in, so I can see myself trundling along the A14/A11 a lot more this year burning £££s of diesel.

had a frank chat with NoShow on Saturday evening about my availability and not really being about much, she decently gave me an out , which I took so that over as well.

Oh @NoDatingForOldMen that is a hard post to read but good to have you back here we missed you.

I'm so sorry but that makes two of us in nearly identical situations re sandwiched between elderly delusional stubborn enfeebled mothers and where that leaves us physically and emotionally unavailable on romancing.
I hope you are ok.

I'm joining a gym tonight. I may not have the capacity for all day texting or overnight dalliances but I need to carve out time for me (and take steps towards avoiding being in my mum's wobbly state for as long as possible).

Thanks @Mila14 💋💋💋💋💋You're the best. I prefer to take my time with these important horrible news breakings and choose my timing and words very carefully.
This has paid off. No hard feelings from MrCars or if there are he's not letting me know about it.

I feel sad and empty. No idea how the elderly care will play out. Plus I've got a teen with nose-diving mental health so need to take her out on day trips etc when I can.

@Thisisworsethananticpated that's the right thing to do when it's mutually understood. Easier all round in some ways.

Go to the GYM !!! Exercise is really good for your MH. You are a really really lovely lady and the very way you think about MrCars is probably why he was so smitten. You GAVE HIM fun and good sex and emotional closeness but he was never the man for you no matter how nice. This is a good time to reassess life and make little changes that make us feel good

Best wishes Howlongy, we are still here. I hope your mum finds a way of helping you to help her ( same for Oncey’s mum)
You never know, maybe in the future you get back with Mrs Show? Nothing is fixed really. Or maybe you want to date again and find another lovely lady

So glad to have you back but so sorry about your mum 🤗❤️

Just popping back to give my good wishes to @NoDatingForOldMen re your mum and condolences re Mrs no show.

Like @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I’m in more or less the same place - DF is a star but terribly frail and refuses hospital or care home. So he’s burning through his money at a crazy pace with live in carers, but I’m still very much on call and have already had to drop everything twice in 2023 to drive two hours to sort out problems. I’m putting large parts of my life (friends, holidays) on hold until he dies - yet I’d rather endure this state of uncertainty, isolation and limbo forever than actually lose him for good ☹️. Such a very conflicting, difficult time.

But two plus points - bring on call permanently means I’m off the alcohol completely 🥳, and I’m frantically exercising etc to try to stave off the decrepitude that’s making DF’s life so awful now. Silver linings?

anyway, stay strong and vital one and all 😘

(👋💕@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers)

Thanks all, unfortunately sounds like a pretty familiar story.
my mum is a 3 hr drive away and having to drop everything and hot foot it across the country certainly put the cramp on all other life areas.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss , am I okay? , probably not TBH, I have found out this morning that my company can offer therapy sessions at a discounted rate, so that’s probably next for me.

Thanks @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I'm trying hard to stay grounded. I just didn't expect something like this after the crap people I'd been trying to strike up a conversation with!

@BaddogGooddoggy 👋🙂💕💕💕

Sorry to hear about your mum and Mrs NoShow @NoDatingForOldMen. Really hope that the therapy helps.

Really sorry about MrCars @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss. You had such good times together but, now it’s time to concentrate on you. Good luck with the gym 💪🏻

Ok… I am rubbish at OLD!! Have 2 irons - Mr J and Mr Manc.

I went out for a drink with Mr J on Saturday evening. We had a lovely couple of hours. There was chemistry but, we didn’t kiss. We agreed to meet up for dinner on Thursday. This evening I had a string of txts detailing exactly what he wanted to do to me in bed! Now, if we were having sex.. absolutely no problem. But, we have met once and not even kissed.

I got a sense earlier in the evening where he was going with his txts. I said that whilst I find him very attractive, I wanted to take things slowly. So, disappointing!! This seems to be a common theme or am I a prude?

Mollymolloy

oh man
they get it SO WRONG

I’ve had to twxt a guy and say ‘please hold back on the dick pics and sex chat till we meet ‘
which he did

and we had a great second date and 🥵🥵🥵

why
he’s done an own goal there 😱

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

Well done for ending it cleanly with cars

look - we fancy who we fancy (unfortunately )

you had a good go and learnt some shit along the way ?