Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Mollymolloy i second @Mila14 wise advice. Keep going with two.

I should have done this but dropped chats with MrHills in early Nov just at the point we were about to meet and just carried on with MrCars. I should have dated both I now realise. I am stupid.

You're in dating mode and completely and utterly entitled to simply enjoy getting to know both at a pace you feel comfy doing.

Keep it low key, no pressure, enjoy the process. Remember either could disappear at any point as per OLD! Keep your options firmly open!

That is a really good point @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss. It is so easy to get into the habit of txting. It is much better to get to know someone personally. I always seem to be in such a hurry to rule them out!

Thanks @5thWisdom . I will enjoy it and take each day as it comes. So far so good..

You needed to go out with MrCars Oncey…it was the right thing for you. You were not crazy about him but had a good time and he gave you peace and treated you to nice hotels and restos and you needed TLC after your last iron disappointment . It is ok and you have managed to meet MrHill with a much better mind frame. You really like this one like you never liked MrCars. It is fine

@Mila14 do you have any thoughts on best time of day/week to send the dear John text. I know I'm overthinking think and making a right meal of it but want it to land well.
I'm thinking the middle of the working day tomorrow rather than bed time tonight

Send tomorrow Oncey but really…you are not doing anything wrong. You are really lovely being so careful but there is nothing wrong with telling someone you met 2 months ago that you do not wish to continue the relationship. You will feel better when it’s done and over with

I think daytime is best - late morning or early afternoon.

Thanks @5thWisdom and @Mila14 much appreciated. I will do it tomorrow.
He already knows I now keep my phone in another room during working day so I'm not getting calls from my stubborn wobbly mum so will lob the grenade over then run back to home office.

I think this is a lesson to learn re not keeping it light and no strings early on. You run the risk of either having your own heart broken or hurting them when you go all in fast and hard.

The last time I did something similar and the bloke pulled away after 4 months it nearly broke me but I've never been on this side so I'm accurately aware of the negative impact it can have especially as Cars has told me openly he suffers from abandonment anxiety issues 😕

sorry for delurking but @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss you are going to fuck up his work day if you message then and then probably won't answer your phone if he wants to speak. why not just do it now? You should have done it earlier today.

His work day is fine to fuck up and I've been driving most of the day today but thanks. He already knows I'm on the wane and can't see him until Feb.

I'll let him know we can talk about it on the phone if he wants as I'll not be ghosting him and we get on so well I fully expect we'll both want to stay in each others lives as friends. I might be wrong on this but don't think so.

That was for @yellowshoes29

You've already suggested that you're intentions aren't to continue with him, and reduced contact, so it shouldn't come as a huge shock and it's just a respectful, gentle, mature courtesy message now.

*your not you're!

Thanks @5thWisdom
Exactly. I agree. He's probably hoping I'll perk back up and things will go back to how they were just over a week ago so it's just kindly putting it in writing that's not going to happen.
I know being at work will allow him to be distracted by that.

I also think cold light of day is better as there's no risk of the message being considered to be as a result of a glass of wine, etc.

Never dump or make any major decisions on a Sunday night

god sometimes I think the ghosters are onto something
no painful message drafting…..

I can totally see why previous irons have slipped away ghostly style now @Thisisworsethananticpated as it's really tricky delivering shite news to good people you had an intense physical romance with.

Good principle not doing major things on a Sunday especially surely at this time of year too. Not quite Blue Monday but very nearly.

I take other people's feelings very seriously. I know he'd be by himself with no distractions today. Felt all wrong. Tomorrow is the day.

I matched with him the week his mum died so I know I've been a good distraction from that so might hit additionally hard.

Good point also @5thWisdom when delivered business like and definitely sober. Hadn't thought of that. I was drunk last night and nearly sent it then but thought better of it.

I know you can't compare, but I think back to Mr Boxer and gosh, it would have been so much kinder if he'd just sent a brief message mid-morning the day he disappeared to say something along the lines of "It's been such a lovely surprise to meet you online at this time, it's caught me off guard and I'm just not in the right place to progress things. I hope you find what you're looking for and thanks again for the lovely, fun heart to hearts we've had".

Empathy is a rare trait these days, it seems.

You should have taken the out then!

Sorry some of you are going through a rubbish time 😔
Just reporting back on date #2 yesterday. We spent all day together and I had a wonderful time, a mixture of driving around looking at lovely villages, walking a lot, coffees, lunch and dinner! 😊

@yellowshoes29 can you please stop telling me what I should have done. I'm a grown woman who is able to make, manage &!own my decisions.

Your bossy criticism is not wanted or welcomed.

How brilliant @beepbeepme any kissing with that?

Oh yes! Lots, very passionate at the end. Amazing 😊

@beepbeepme Now that really is bloody marvellous news ❤️💋❤️💋❤️💋
How thrilling for you!

Does he live near to you? When will you see each other again?