Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I totally agree. I now will have a few kids free days and I am looking forward to that. And I don’t feel lonely alone either. I just love being idle in my thick jumper sipping tea and watching Netflix alone too. Maybe as we age we need more alone time? One thing is for sure…I can’t be 24/7 with a man right now. Short holiday would be ideal when we can pencil that in
This is amazing thought “ I feel less lonely when there isn’t a man on the scene” … In my case I feel less lonely but happy in my alone time

Thank you Worsy but really… a relationship needs work and I’ve spent all my energy before…he has to do lo the work now because I really can’t right now. I suppose this is normal in longish term relationships , you go through different stages…Our time together is wonderful nevertheless and the sex and intimacy superb so far…he still has massive lows and really dark times and I keep telling him the alcohol makes everything worse. But it’s his issue and I can’t help him with that. He tries not to over burden me as he did before and I really have little mental space for the drama nowadays. It is lovely but I am so glad I got a second chance because I’m on “sliding” mode now.

mila ive
mentioned a few times I have a challenge with the 🍷 too

totally agree we cannot and should not fix their demons

I have my own godammit !!!

but what’s helped me is restraint ….
I’m trying to be French style and just have a glass of red

we are so into the self care we know what works and what doesn’t work now

I hope that Mr Ex realises that to keep the lovely you in his life he needs to really address this

Quick check in post Date0 with MrHills
Very good looking. Lack of height not noticed. Super intelligent and interesting and funny AND ASKED QUESTIONS. it was a true two-way convo. Good man.

Oh Oncey… do you fancy him?

Fabulous news! Great to hear - he sounds perfect!!!

I did fancy him @Mila14 but have just received a one word message from him after I wrote a great to meet you and hope you don't think it was a waste of time/effort.

The one word was the name of a film we couldn't recall but stubbornly didn't want to Google.

That's it I guess. I'll either give him a thumbs up or not bother.

I'm genuinely ambivalent. If he doesn't think im for him then no matter

So he might be out and about, driving (?!) or at the checkout in Sainsbos.

I love your attitude though - it's this resilience I am aiming for. That it's ok, either way.

Oncey, you are not over invested like your previous tall hunky men. Maybe he feels he’s hugely punching over his weight with you. He may not want to come across as too invested?? Shorter men are more insecure I think. Wait a bit for him to answer properly. If you like him enough he’s bound to be there like a shot. You always know when a date went well. He wanted to know a lot about you too. Give it a bit of time and don’t jump to conclusions. What I find more important is whether you liked him enough!

@Mila14 I totally agree about feeling happy in my own company more and more as I get older!

Quick update.

Fantastic first date
Loads of chemistry
Decided on a 2nd

But don't want to jinx it so.... 🤫🤐

Oh my goodness…Deffy…who s this guy??? tell us a bit 😳

He's very lovely

Very tall
Beard
Funny as
Chats loads
Same age
Same city

Too good almost. Which is why I don't want to jinx it

You win @5thWisdom and @Mila14 I am now in receipt of three full humorous messages about how great it was to meet, music and books he thought I'd like and would very much like to see me again.

I'd just assumed that even though the date seemed to go well he may have been into willowier or more flat chested women than me.

Any ideas for interesting Date2 ideas I can suggest to MrHill?

Drafting a firm but kind message for MrCars saying I'm out. I'm terrible at this.

Oncey please… I know you have dated a few bastards but give MrHill a chance if you fancy him and you are aligned. You knew the date went really well. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Ok? Before you think he’s not interested or whatever run it for the Mothership. Super happy for you

Don't be too explicit with MrCars. You owe him nothing and only 2 months together. He was never your thing either. Be kind and brief!

Dear Mr Cars, thank you for a lovely time together but I’m in a phase in my life where many things are getting priority as you know. I don’t think we have a future together and you deserve someone lovely who feels she wants to build something with you. Best wishes and all the best Mr Cars

Totally your type 😂😂😂…same city too…excellent!! Deffy NO ONE IS TOO GOOD FOR YOU. JUST RIGHT

Can I seek advice from the Mothership…

I have 2 lovely irons… MrManc and MrJ…
I chatted to MrManc on a video call on Friday and we really hit it off. We have agreed to meet for coffee on Tuesday.

Last night, I went out for a drink with MrJ. Again, lovely guy, it went really well..He is keen to go out for dinner this week.

They are both completely different.. I am now unsure of how to play this. What do I do?

Molly…see them BOTH. You can choose later on. You have not DTD I assume. There is nothing wrong at this stage seeing 2 irons ( providing you don’t live in a tiny village and are going to meet one or the other while you are dating one or the other!!)

Thanks very much @Mila14 … definitely not DTD. I am taking it really slowly. I will keep seeing both. Hopefully, it will become obvious!

Definitelycross

ah you needed a good chemistry date
yay 😁
ce sera , sera x

Mollymolloy

keep seeing both
your preferences will become apparent x

Thank you @Mila14 for putting that message together it's very good. Much lighter and more forthright than the one I have composed (and not yet sent as I'm a wimp)

Blimey @Definitelycross that's a good news story. Makes three of us I think with @Slothmomma very much enjoying her first date with MrRugby6'4

I'm not rushing back into my reply to MrHills. We haven't even got each others phone numbers - still messaging on the apps. I'll see if I can find a good comedy gig or something to offer as a second date.

I think that was where I went badly wrong with MrCars started with furious long and immediate texts and continued like that for two months until this week where I've dropped horrendously.

I'll stick to texting only for meet up arrangements with this new one and any future fellas. There's no rush in getting to know someone and the only genuine way to do so is to spend time with them. I guess phonecalls and video calls count too.

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated . They are both really lovely and I didn’t want to mess anyone about.

I was with my ex for 24 years. The divorce was on the grounds of domestic abuse. I have been divorced for 6 years now. It is difficult to know what I am looking for now.

He sounds super. Very encouraging! Keep us posted as much or as little as your jinxiness allows!