Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

This made me laugh! 😂 Been there many times! To the extent of not replying to the response to yet another one way question in his direction and just letting it hang there, to see whether a question back would ever materialise. Often it wouldn't. Often felt more like an interview than a conversation.

This could be very interesting! One with zero expectations, keep us posted on the outcome!

Did you speak with Mr Cars? Obviously only share what you feel you want, I hope it wasn't too uncomfy a conversation for you and you're on good terms.

Also hope all is ok with your mother x

@5thWisdom yes, it felt very much like I was interviewing him. And he actually sounds very interesting.

But he's either not interested in me and is politely answering questions or is clueless about how to have a conversation.

@Mila14 no date as been sorted. He hasn't shown much interest in me other than answering my questions.
I could ask him but I'd prefer him to at least ask me one question about myself first.

I've run out of questions to ask him.....for today

Im being a bit shit tbh @5thWisdom I sent him a message saying I didn't have time, energy etc to meet up this month and that my various commitments made me an unsuitable romantic partner right now. He rang and we had a chat and he gave me an out saying if I wanted to call it a day he'd be sad but would understand but if it was just a case of me being busy for a while then he'd be fine waiting.
I did not take the out and we carried on chatting for another hour.

@NellyTheCake sorry, I must have missed out that he hadn't asked you any questions. I hate when that happens! Hopefully, he'll open up but if he doesn't, throw him back into that sea, lady ❤️

Well, that does sound like he's taken it in a sensible way - although I know you know leading him at all from here on or keeping him dangling with him hoping you might change your mind (I talk from experience) won't be fair. But he's not given you a hard time there or reacted immaturely (toys out of pram, tears, hysterics etc - I talk also from experience) which is a relief I am sure.

See I am naturally inquisitive, hate talking about myself (automatically think someone won't be interested) so always so easily fall into the trap of asking loads of questions- for me, it's easier to be to question asker! But it's so frustrating when you get nothing back.

It definitely is a relief @5thWisdom as thought he'd be upset.

I'm not leading him on as my comms have dropped loads with no plans to see one another. It's a slow fade I think but probably will be more forthright soon with regard to saying i'm not into it anymore 😕

I spoke to my iron tonight, going to call him MrBike 😂 We spoke for an hour, only stopping because he had to go to bed, because he has a very early start tomorrow, but we're meeting again on Sunday! Very excited! He was really lovely and we were talking as if it's a given we're a couple sort of. I think we just get on so well, have so much to talk about, he just makes me feel comfortable and I love making him laugh, but he makes me laugh too 😊

I think a slow fade is the best here - gentlest on everyone involved.

I'd rather a conversation on how it won't work followed by genial conversation and good intentions for everyone, than a complete and utter disappearing act.

Forgot to mention, I've name changed, I was Itsmehiimtheproblem, I had a first date with MrBike on Wednesday and posted about it here 😊

I'm considering my next steps in OLD and for the first time, really considering what to write in my profile after last year's disastrous experience.

I feel like I fall between two stools - I'm not looking for a full, 24/7 hour relationship or anyone near my child.

Don't want that and all that comes with it.

Don't want ONS and to be picked up and dropped.

What do you write? I mention child, they think I'm seeking a family set up. I mention looking for no strings, that sends wrong signals.

Wondering how best to phrase it - or not at all. If you don't describe in profile, the inevitable question comes in the match chat.

Is it a FWB that you actually say you're looking for in my situation? Should I be up front about that? I've never written that so could experiment I suppose.

The recent conversations reminded me of this from my favourite programme Crazy Ex Girlfriend. The song is called let's generalise about men 🤣

@5thWisdom I went for not mentioning in profile and then explaining a little way into chat about the children and when I have time to date. Some men were then put off by that, some were not.

@5thWisdom that was what I was looking for before I met Mr MindReader.
I didn't say anything on my profile. If asked I'd say I wanted dates, weekends away, usual stuff but wasn't looking to start living with anyone.
I think it's FWB but if you say that it's assumed you just want sex.
I don't mention my children unless asked because they don't need to be part of my dating life.

5thWisdom

when I was on hinge I had the most honest profile and I garnered me far nicer contacts
mentioned being a single mum and having child with MH problems

I also said I wanted to get out and have fun
(maybe don’t use that term !)
i dis get chatting to some really nice men

however the downside (for me )

my unavailability has got me hooked up with an emotionally unavailable man

as if you think about it we are perfect for someone who wants a nice woman , sex but doesn’t want to commit either !

ALSO the men don’t seem to go into such detail about their baggage
so why should we !?

so my vote is for nice photos , some wit that shows your personality and what your into and a vague hint that your a single mum (maybe)

as I think personality and chemistry should lead and let’s assume most people our age have some baggage and life stuff anyway ??

You did the right thing Oncey. You are unsure and there really is 0 pressure. Also there is 0 expectation with MrHill so everything is tentative and loose. You have a lot going on with mum, kids and your studies and work. No pressure sounds good

I had a learning last night (well over Xmas )

a year Of being with a rather emotionally unavailable caver has turned me into a very insecure and anxious person

the weird thing is my anxiety manifests itself as sexual jealousy , yuk

which isn’t appropriate as that’s really not the issue and it makes me look like a nutter , and exacerbates things

honestly I’m at the stage where I think being single is the only option until I figure this out

as if I like someone I spend my whole time thinking about them and obsessing about them

its a waste of energy

and I get angry about things that I shouldn't get angry about (having a female friend !)!

but don’t address the issues i SHOULD ( caving which makes me insecure )

Excellent news. How’s MrBike? Are you a bit smitten after a first date? I think the fact that you are having so much communication is great but if you have only seen him once or twice I would beware of “couple” talking. Go easy I think

beepbeepme

you are one smitten kitten !!

have you DTD yet ? That’s the next hurdle id say so you can test if the comparability translates

@Mila14 I’m feeling very smitten 😂 He’s lovely. I know what you mean, but we seem to both be on the same page with what we want, we’re not looking for marriage or living together.

No we haven’t DTD yet.

@5thWisdom I've got something like looking for someone to enjoy my childfree time with as like you im not looking for anyone to be involved with my kids/merge families etc

5'8" iron last night was lovely and I had an enjoyable few hours chatting but didn't want to kiss him and could see myself excited about seeing him again unfortunately. He messaged straight away asking if I fancied doing it again so had to let him down but he was lovely about it. He's nice but the last 3 I've dated have just been nice and it leads nowhere.

6'4" in two hours ....

Fifthie, I would not write FWB. I would keep it vague because you really want a meaningful relationship and sex just not partnership. I think keep it open and just see how it feels with someone you like. You really don’t need to write down your dating aspirations. That is my opinion. If you get asked you can say , let’s see how feel about things and there’s no hurry to define what is it you have

Woohoo…bring on the MrTall!