Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Small penis is a huge NO…and shaved? WTF? Short legs …hell NO!
Have a break if you need it but really, having small kids is lovely and there must be many men with small kids too who would prefer someone like you. I like men with kids full stop. Whatever age kids. I can’t relate to guys who have not put themselves at the back of the queue for their kids and put other human beings ahead of their own wants and interests and their own life. There are many many decent good dads out there. Change your dating preferences, only dads and tall guys to start with 🙂.

I don’t understand as he’s clearly stated he only likes over 5’6” and buxom.

Any way…I wanted to say I came to this thread looking for mums dating after divorce and with kids as I had no real references with other friends dating. They are my age but no kids or married with kids, or not have had a shit divorce etc.
I love it here and want to hear preferences and how it is for women like me too. Women starting to date after bad divorce, after STBXH, after being mums and reclaiming our fucking sexuality, after putting other people ahead of us etc.
We have every right to say what we like and what we want and what we prefer full stop
I am sure there are plenty of dating threads for men dating but I am not interested on them because my story is that of Slothy, Deffy, Worsy, Fifthie, Ibelieve, Oncey, Bella and all of you lovely ladies here. I’m logging in for the ladies although I appreciate a man’s contribution knowing that he’s on a mumsnet forum and we women are going to say whatever we want and feel about men in a safe space.

Deliberately ignoring all the chat of and generalised double standards... 😬🙁

My tall female friend who is generally happy and bouncy but gets a bit tetchy when I mention a swoony tall man has now pointed out that in the same way tallness is a desirable characteristic of men she believes most men actively seek smaller petite women.

I was surprised by this view being a short arse myself as have always wished I was leggy and willowy

Everyone is different in their tastes and preferences.

It's good to (finally aged 50!) work out what you do/don't like so you can be more effective and efficient at OLD

There's no prizes for having dates with people who in hindsight you knew wasn't your type (<<<< guilty as charged with my current iron).
The dating gurus online (M Hussey et al) advise us not to do that waste precious time with those we know we don't have a long term future with (if we are looking for a life partner)

Men do lie and actually I have realised if they lie about height/age/anything then it demonstrates they are not truth tellers. For me this is a deal breaker. I'm a stickler for non-lying.

On a first date once the '6ft' fella turned up and was clearly shorter (as my recent XH had been 6ft and I was with him for 20 years). I called it out humourously teasingly which didn't go down well 🙄then went out with him for 9 months eventually binning him off due to his tendency to truth-bend (and fecklessness with money but that's a different story).

I think if the thread starts to piss you off, you should take a step back.

The anonymous nature of this thread helps us who are attempting to navigate the very tricky world of OLD honestly, candidly with vulnerability.

People are completely entitled to have preferences - I'll check my own in terms of what I like and any double standard I may or not apply and reflect on that. But I think the most I've seen here is reassurance from others that because a man rejects you or chooses to ghost, not reply etc it's not because he's shallow, it's because of a myriad of factors and not to take it personally as a reflection on us as individuals.

Yes there may be the odd sweeping statement generalising about men but that's because a lot of men do follow a script and formula. A number of us here have been subjected to abuse which does involve a pattern of similar behaviours.

The rest I think isn't sexist, just a difference in opinion, regardless of sex.

But if you're going to suggest we're hypocritical you're changing the dynamics of this trusted group @NoDatingForOldMen - we're here to be accepted, learn from others, advised, but not judged.

Let’s be honest though ladies, there are extensive sweeping generalisations made on this board about ‘men’, not just a few preferences stated. That’s our prerogative of course, but we can hardly be surprised when someone - male or female -calls it what it is. Yes, those people can choose to take themselves off the thread, but Perhaps @NoDatingForOldMen thought it was a safe space for him to speak his mind, given he has been a supportive and informative participant for so long? I guess he was wrong.

I’m going to take this opportunity also to bow out from the thread. It’s been a blast but I don’t really have anything to contribute any more as it’s so long since I’ve dated and I think OLD has changed a lot. Also, I find it hard to see people being told by strangers that they’re ‘in love’ before they even know someone properly, and it’s all about the fanny gallops. Just a thing of mine, but I think being led by romanticism and lust is how people get themselves into bad relationships.

Good luck all, with dating and with elderly parents/troubled DC too (a common theme for so many of us). Happy new year too 😘 though personally I fear it.

Happy new year and please don’t fear anything. Best wishes

Well for the sake of balance I have a date tonight with a 5'8" iron and tomorrow with a 6'4" iron - will update how they go 😁

Good luck Slothy!!

😁

Slothmomma

taking one for the team here 🤣🤣🤣

I'll miss you @BaddogGooddoggy. You've always been really supportive ❤️

@NellyTheCake so glad to hear that you've dumped Mr Wow. 🙂😂 I would just see how the chat progresses with the other guy and see if he's a bit more talkative.

Happy to hear I'd made you laugh too 😀❤️

Hi
I've heard from @NoDatingForOldMen . His mum has had a fall so he has had to go to look after her. He may be away for a while. I'm sure everyone will wish him all the best its just so difficult with older parents. I'm there myself too.

Right, I'm meeting MrG tomorrow, thought I'd better give him a name. I've got high hopes with this one as we've been messaging all week and he seems very funny and personable. So, hopefully I won't just be sat there across from him not speaking!

But hey we all know how that can end up.

And, just for the record he is 5'10" so I will let you know how that goes too.

Also keeping things balanced I now also have a first date with a 5'8" hilarious sounding fella tomorrow or Sunday. He'll be MrHill

It's a long story but we'd started chatting on an app when I started chatting with MrCars so I let this one slide as simply didn't open the app again. I went on the app yesterday not to swipe but to get one of my pics to send to a friend and saw he'd not unmatched me after all these weeks. I felt bad so sent him an apology for disappearing and explained how I'd realised I have nil time for romancing until my studies are done. He happens to be in my town tomorrow and I'm in his on Sunday so he (bless him) said it would still be fun to get a coffee. I agree.

#takingthemfortheteam

It's proper crappy @Definitelycross and @NoDatingForOldMen and the main reason why I'm standing down dating myself (bar the unexpected Date0 with someone tomorrow) thanks for letting us know and yes sending strength to him and his poor mum.

It's just a matter of time before mine comes a cropper. She can barely walk but adamant she will not have a walking aid. Cruising round the wobbly antique furniture in total denial. I'm so cross with her for taking no precautions when it's blindingly obvious how this will play out.
I've stated that as she's not willing to get the council to do an assessment and put up hand rails, not willing to use a walking frame, have professional carers visit or sign a POA it's not ok for me to be expected to pick up the pieces when there's a physical crisis. It's not IF it's WHEN.
She's all "I went to Glastonbury! I smoked pot! I wore mini skirts and did the twist!' (and therefore cannot be enfeebled by old age)

We've got to make the most of our lives people as it's very brief and we'll never be younger than we are today!

Happy Friday. It's been hulluver long week.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss that sounds really difficult for you. Sometimes I don't think our parents realise how stressful is it for us to see them get old and be unwilling to accept help.

I've had a nightmare 18mths with mine. And it took a prolonged hospital stay and an accidental over-dose for my mum to finally admit that she couldn't manage.

It cost me my last relationship, a lot of money and my mental health has taken a battering.

Look after yourself first. It's hard but taking a step back and saying that I wouldn't help any more was much better than the constant arguing.

On a lighter note -saw this on FB - -I like it 😁

MAN RULES

WE ALWAYS HEAR ‘THE RULES’ FROM THE FEMALE SIDE

NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU’RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON’T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.

IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE…

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..

PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY ‘NOTHING,’ WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE…REALLY.

1.. DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON’T MIND THAT? IT’S LIKE CAMPING…

On a lighter note, I decided to ask my one match lots and lots of questions. To see if it prompted him to be a bit more responsive.

It did. I know where he grew up, where he lives, all about his kids, his hobbies, his job, his siblings, his holidays etc

All he knows about me is that I like cake & whatever is on my profile 🙄
I'm tempted to ask for his credit card details next 😆

🤣🤣🤣

Absolutely LOVE that @JangolinaPitt thanks for sharing. It's great. For the record I've always thought that about the loo seat being up/down but I guess men don't see how it 'looks untidy' when it is up to a female eye.

@NellyTheCake sorry for the trauma you've had with your mum. It's all in the post for me. Tbh I'm beginning to wonder if this is a secret sly euthanasia option as handrails, care and walking aids would likely prolong her life and a break to her brittle skeleton would likely be the beginning of the end. I guess I'll never know.

Also @NellyTheCake I am so very very over fellas who don't ask questions. They are truly not interested. Never were and never will be. Screw them. And by that I mean 🖕not doing horizontal naked yoga

Wow Oncey…you just left MrCars and straight to Mr Hill 😂😂😂. How was the chat with Mr Cars, did he take it ok?
Enjoy date 0 lovely 🥰

Best wishes Deffy …good luck with MrG

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss good luck! 🙂❤️

Excellent job Nelly…we like guys who have no problem answering questions. Looking great so far. Are you guys meeting for date 0?

@NellyTheCake sounds promising 🤞🏻