Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Slothmomma I could have written your last post almost word for word.

Two decades with a man who totally changed once he started seeing the OW and then binned us all off via terrible abusive behaviour (because he wanted to be with her not us)

Bizarrely the worst thing he did which broke me wasn't physically attacking our son, being a tetchy ego centric nob or rejecting his own daughter but the day when he flatly refused to help with clearing the four sheds and double garage rammed full with his many shopoholic purchases over the decades. I had to basically bin or donate many many van loads of equipment whilst running a house of damaged teens, holding down a job etc (and enjoying lots of wanton OLD adventures! 😆😆😆🤘)

I love my life without him tbh. Can't imagine how he lives with himself or sleeps at night but he always did have a knack of putting himself and his pleasure first.

He refuses to speak to me. Not even about the kids and when he sees them. They all have phones.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss the most unforgivable for me was gaslighting me and literally screaming on my face, sometimes in public, that he and her had not had an affair and trying to convince me, in my broken state, that I was also crazy. He then had to admit it all a year later after her husband filled me in on all the gory details, dates etc 😡

If you're going to be a knob at least own it I say

His actions are why I don't think I'll ever love anyone again. Just don't think I'm capable and to be honest that doesn't really bother me either

This was for Deffy and Slothy

6’4 is lovely…you enjoy what you like🙂

I have never had an opinion about height as all my bf have been taller than me but as am 5/5 never an issue. Love that Mr Serb is over 6ft and so I can wear 4 inch heels and still be shorter than him.

Oh yes I had that too.

Everyone thought he was amazing and I was delusional.

I only really found out when I went straight to the source - the other woman. I cannot tell you how mortifying that was. And he sat and watched me contact her, knowing all the time and still denying and gaslighting.

I'll never trust anyone fully again. Romantically or otherwise.

I’m also into wearing 3 and 1/4 to 4 inch heels…😂😂😂… only flat when I go to the gym

Right on a lighter note I have an iron close to home.

He is just my type - tall (hopefully 😂), very funny, beard and handsome.

We've been messaging a lot and hopefully have our first date on Saturday.

I'm feeling really uncomfortable because on paper he's exactly what I'm looking for. There has to be a catch. Surely.

Deffy no catch…you on the other hand are a proper catch. Can we start giving ourselves the value we really have. Those fuckso ex husbands are the past. We can still trust and be adored. This is 2023. We ARE A SUPERB CATCH…end of story

Slothmomma, Definitelycross and OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

its very hard to read about your exes

it kind of shocks and me hurts my stomach as their behaviour is just that appalling

and hurtful and damaging to your self esteem given the OW interface

I mean how can you trust anyone after a betrayal of that level ???

and then handling the aftermath with the kids
brutal brutal stuff

sorry that’s probably not especially helpful

but their behaviour is appallingly bad and unusually awful and I’m sorry 😞

I couldn't read the posts and not say that

and most men don’t behave like this
really they don’t x

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you. It broke me at the time - he was love of my life and together from 19 with 3 kids - and ill probably still always love him in some shape - but I'm doing ok now and thankfully kids came out of it ok

Exactly, men generally have no issues dating shorter women, but women have all kinds of issues dating shorter men.

I’m really sorry but when it comes to dating I think women have some pretty awful double standards, women pass these off as preferences as say they will only date a man who meets Xxx whatever, but if man does the same and he won’t date anyone who is not xxx he is called shallow, I’ve seen it happen loads on this forum and it really pisses me off.

I think that’s it from me.

@Nelly I'd toss that fish right back into the sea of bores, to be honest with you ❤️

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you. I truly believe I will never trust not just a man but anyone 100% again.

I too had been with him my whole adult life and I never knew him at all.

My kids don't have anything to do with them although I've told them they can if they wish. He also betrayed them very seriously. I don't want to go into detail as it's too outing. But I've had to rebuild their belief in parents always being there for you. Well in my case me being there for them.

You know when people hear things and say they wouldn't wish it on their worst enemy? Well he's my one exception. Plus the fact he's walked away unbothered kills me.

No please don't.

I hope I didn't tip you over. I know what you're saying but I think, again other people paying for my STBXH's behaviour means any lie, even a small one, sets me off.

But I have worked with guys shorter than me, as I know I'm above average height wise, and they've been hot. I've also known very tall men who are walking pricks.

It's the not wanting to feel like she hulk that bothers me.

Howlongy…don’t worry. You found a woman you fancy madly and she fancies you crazy too. She’s totally your type. It doesn’t matter what we like here. I think we’ve mostly been married, we are mostly mums too so we just want to pick now how and who we want to share any life with. And yes we can be picky but this does not affect you one bit as you are already picked by someone you really really fancy.
We are totally anonymous here and therefore totally free to voice our inner desires and how we really really feel
We do appreciate your view as a man too

Everyone has their own individual likes and dislikes ....tall men are more saught after due to conditioning from prehistoric times! 😀 not many females want short men but each to their own...everyone is just expressing their own feelings

oh @Definitelycross , we've all been I fear. Funnily enough one of my best dates was with avery short man who was HILARIOUS, we had such a laugh. Didn't go anywhere but I enjoyed an evening out ! Yeah had some dullads too and some fucking weirdos. In fact have shelved OLD for now!

Dealing with the Ft job/demanding teens/mental load/dicvorce shite/ elderly parents/ just don't have any evenings to spend with randoms from the internet.

Loving all your updates though!

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers that made me laugh!
I unmatched the one who just said 'wow'
The other, I asked a few questions related to his photos. He answered. But so far the only thing he's asked me is 'what do you like to do?'.

I think he'll be tossed back soon. Too much like hard work!

I’m afraid I’m going to have to add my own shopping list to the discussion. After 4 years of dating and rejection for having 2 youngish children, requesting some semblance of monogamy after sex, aggressive kink requests and ‘oh, I didn’t think we were exclusive, let’s see how it goes’ I can conclusively say I dislike a shaved small penises, short legs and the lack of interest in wearing a condom. I’m out.

It’s not appropriate to bring that bitterness to this thread when someone states they simply have a preference one way or another.

It’s fairly obvious that women are going to tend to prefer a man taller than them with men not bothered about partners shorter than them, as women tend to be shorter and men taller. You’ll find most men probably do not want a partner taller than they are, for the same obvious reason that the average man is taller than the average woman - it’s the normal ratio and therefore likely to be the most desired.

If women expressing their preferences on this thread bothers you it is probably not appropriate for you to castigate them because “other women” on “other threads” have pissed you off with their “double standards”. By all means challenge an individual on this thread about their precise double standard - if you see one - but bringing a generalised disgruntlement about generalised double standards elsewhere is unfair.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I don't want to speak for @NoDatingForOldMen but I think, like on other threads on Mumsnet, things can get heated.

I know that I said to @teesguy that he might get better advice on a parenting thread rather than an OLD one. I hadn't realised he'd been a regular here 🤷‍♀️ and he was asking because he felt comfortable and part of it here. I apologised and I hope that was ok?

I know that I really welcome a man's viewpoint in this absolute mire known as OLD.

Things just got a bit eek and I think, again 😳, it was me that started it. Asking why men lie about their height.

Can we be really un-mumsnetty and agree we all have preferences and we are all shaped by our past experiences.

But, as I say, that's just my, relatively new, opinion.

I just find here so supportive.

Men DO lie about their height @Definitelycross - I’m 5’8 and think when you’re that height it’s very noticeable because if someone says they’re 6’ and they’re not, we know because suddenly we’re eye to eye. 👀

I’m all for valuing the perspective of both sexes, although not when someone starts bandying about generic double standards they’ve seen on MN and admonishing posters for having preferences. That’s MY preference 😛