Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

It was perfect. Couldn't fault any of it. I must admit I've been very sceptical about OLD, I've spoken to a lot of idiots on there, but it really is a case of hanging on until the right one comes along I guess.

My automatic response is what did I do wrong???

id say you’ve probably done what many people have done (male and female )

you chose the wrong partner to have kids with

and it’s hardly rare given the many divorces and splits and the stories on this thread alone

now - how you silence that critical voice i don’t know
I wish I did !

UPDATE

He just texted me to say he'd got home and how lovely it had been to meet me.

Fucking hell. What the actual living fuck is going on????

Whatever he is he ain't for you @Definitelycross and now you need to politely tell him to sling his hook. Thanks but no thanks. Good of him to text but there's no need to work out why he was so odd and off.

I once had a date like the one you've described. Still makes me shudder to think of it four years on. And I'd chatted to him on the phone. Awful. He walked me to my car after a torturous staring/no conversation. Terrible dress sense, snorted a lot and bad breath too!

Onwards and onwards!

@ItsMeHiImTheProblem we love a heady tale of a brilliant first date. They are the OLD gold we all love to find. Keep us all enjoying the next steps if you don't mind.

@NoDatingForOldMen I don't not date short guys but I have yet to fancy any of them so if their personality and chat style matches mine I'll meet them for a date but if I'm true to myself I do only really fancy a much taller gent. The photos of me with various boyfriends (and husband) through the ages testify - me with my arms round strong jawed, 6'3 or 6'4 skinny fellas.

My first boyfriend when I was 14 was a nasty little tiny sod who used to put out cigarettes on my hand and tell me how to have my hair cut. I blame him for my heightism.

MrCars is/was neither tall nor strong jawed nor skinny which is why I described him as not my usual type.

It sounds like you had an amazing time! And loving this update. You have warmed my cold cold heart rather nicely.

Undecidedandtorn

no 😂😂

we’ve had a good date and a bad date on the thread

sadly definitely had the bad one

ItsMeHiImTheProblem

this is the lady who had a good one

And yes I’m also pleased for her !

😂😂😂

I thought I'd missed something

Sorry about the bad date 😔 I've had a few of those too! I tried not to take it personally, just see it as a clash of personality. I know it's not that easy, but it's all I could do to keep me sane.

I don't not date short guys but I have yet to fancy any of them so if their personality and chat style matches mine I'll meet them for a date but if I'm true to myself I do only really fancy a much taller gent

this shows my point why some men will lie about their height, just to get a date and get in front of someone, if I was under about 5 8 I would probably do the same as I would still want to meet women, go on dates, have sex, have a relationship, start a family etc etc.

@NoDatingForOldMen I think it's the opposite of proving your point as I'll not ask or know someone's height before meeting them in person or if their height was stated I'd not decline to meet them if they were under a certain height BUT every time I've had a date with a shorter gent I've never fancied them and annoyingly the fanny gallops start when they are towering above me even though they might be nobs in the personality dept
🙄

@Definitelycross you've done nothing wrong and you've got nothing to be ashamed about ❤️

I have a friend who married someone a few inches smaller than her. They’re still married a few years later (though have had some ups and downs). They have a shared sense of quirky humour.

I remember people remarking on the height difference as the pictures were being taken. This thing about male height being desirable is so ingrained in us. I guess being tall is an evolutionary advantage if tall men can hunt/provide better, but nowadays short men can outearn tall men and be better providers!

Sounds like a brilliant date. Hope date 2 is even better 😊

Oh that's rubbish. I hear so many stories on here about guys who don't seem to be able to hold a conversation or just talk about themselves. I probably asked too many questions on my first dates, but how else are you going to find out about someone 🤷‍♂️

Yep, and yet some women say they wouldn’t date a shorter man, and women think that men are the weird ones !

@ItsMeHiImTheProblem fab news on the date! Love a good date story.

@Definitelycross his latest message is either him trying to be polite or indicating his complete lack of awareness. It's not you. Write him off as a dating story.

I've been on many dates but few that I clicked with but despite that have usually had a nice enough time save for about 3 😁 one didn't like me - or rather my car x immediately and date waa over with 30 mins. Another I felt was just rude so when around 30mins in he asked how I thought it was going I took opportunity to say not well and ended it 😄

As for height, I'm tall, 5'9", and put it on my profile as bothers some men. I don't ask height but probably wouldn't fancy someone a lot smaller as would make me feel like Hagrid as I'm not skinny either 😄 my exdh was shorter so it's not something I completely rule out.

And talking of exdh- he introduced our kids to OW behind my back whilst we were still together and I was unaware of her existence 😡

I'm 5ft7 and I've had dates with men who say they are 5ft10 but I'm the same height or taller. And I don't wear heels.

I just wonder if people generally don't know their actual height and make a guess.

My last relationship before Mr MindReader, was with someone who said he was 5ft9. But was definitely shorter than me. I used to feel huge when I was out with him. He is lovely person and we're still friends. We parted after a year because we wanted different things.

Mr MindReader was about my height but quite muscular so I never felt like I was loads bigger than him.

I wouldn't rule out someone shorter but I prefer taller or same height so I feel more comfortable.

@Definitelycross sorry to hear about your date. That's really off putting when someone acts like that.
How hard is it to smile and just be friendly and polite even if you don't want to be there.

He's not going to get very far on OLD if he's like that.

How old was he? I've found that older men seem to struggle to make conversation or have anything to talk about.
That's just my experience!

Your style sounds amazing btw 🙂

@NoDatingForOldMen I agree it's hard on short men, and I do feel for them.

At the same time men are probably more focused on looks than women in general? There are plenty of male profiles which will say they won't date a woman either above or below a certain clothes size that they have in mind.

@Stayingstrongish oh yes I agree, some blokes can absolutely jerks when it comes to age, looks, dress size etc, but my point was to the original question about why some men lie about their height, it’s because they have too.

If I was 5ft 6 I would probably lie as well as say I was 5ft 8 and just hope the date goes well!

Lots of taller women on this thread, I think the UK average is about 5ft 4

@NoDatingForOldMen yes that does make sense. And those guys will get a lot of flak for it but can understand the temptation.

I'm one of the shorties bringing the UK average down, can only dream of reaching the heights of 5ft 4!

Some advice needed, please.
I've finally got a couple of matches on Tinder. Both men in their late 50s. Nothing on their profiles but a few interesting photos.

Both have messaged.
First says 'Wow'.
Second says 'can we match'. I replied to this one saying, 'Hi looks like we have a match, how are you?'
He replied 'good morning, wow'

Should I bother to reply? And if yes, what do I say?