Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Best wishes ! Looking forward to hearing more about new iron

Thanks @Mila14 he's truly a very lovely guy. Very kind generous and thoughtful, interesting, wise with great skills and hobbies. He's great in bed and very attentive via text/phone.

The fault is truly all with me. I should never have been dating as do not have time, energy or inclination but a teeny blip in late June led to three short term flings this one being the last of the trio which is all I wanted.

He has started referring to me to his friends as his girlfriend and at that moment i knew I didn't want to commit to that. My teens, my mum, my new house/garden, my dog, my MSc, and soon my new job all need me which is why I came off the apps in Dec 2022.

I know I'm doing the crappy thing that men have done to us with the sudden inexplicable downturn in comms and interest so soon I need to brave explaining that 2023 is going to be another year away from the apps and men until the MSc is completed so won't be seeking romance until March 2024

I'll live vicariously through the OLD adventures here though you can't stop me!

Thanks for the positive encouragement to keep up the contact with my DD 😊 I'm going to keep going and let her know I.I'm here for her.

Hi @teesguy one of my daughters has very little contact with their dad (my XH) and finds it hard to respond to his texts but the root cause is her terrible anxiety and depression rather than an actual rejection. He does the right thing as you are by texting her despite not often receiving a reply from her and inviting her to things but what I wish he did is to dedicate weekends entirely to her and take her somewhere on her own as it's his new family she can't stand (has never met) as he moved in with the OW and her teens fairly soon after we split.

Keep doing what you're doing so she can see you care and haven't written her off.

Fucksake

Just had another online date.

It was like getting blood out of a stone. I think his disappointment was palpable. It was excruciating.

Also why do men lie about their height??? Well 2 out of 4 of mine have

Deffy… this is why I only went for dates with men 6’1” . All those guys saying 6” are 5’10” or maximum 5’11”
I only went for coffee with a guy saying 6” … he was way shorter
Don’t worry about his disappointment and think of what you felt only
onwards and upwards

So I going to put my man hat (Tin Hat) on any sad it’s your own fault.

just take a look at this thread
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4712013-would-you-date-a-man-shorter-than-you

So many women who are only 5 foot tall saying they will only date a man 6 foot tall , A FOOT TALLER , what do the men who are “only” 5, 6 or 7 inches taller than they are, going to have to do to even get a date ? They are going to lie about their height and hope for the best.

FWIW I don’t like short women, so no females under 5’6” for this old man

And just to add the average male height in the UK is 5’ 9”, so those people saying they will only date men 6ft and and above are saying they will only date the above average height men, that’s really limiting your pool of available men to pick from.

Definitelycross

sorry to hear that
height well , whatever

but
palpable disappointment isn’t a January feel good at all

how long did you stay for ?

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

lord Alive , just read your ex moved into a woman with her teens after the split

fucks sake , that must have been so hard for your kids

Yes. Height I could work around. Mute, blank face not so much.

He drove over an hour to see me and yes, I just felt I'd disappointed him. It was a horrible feeling. I could tell almost immediately.

@NoDatingForOldMen see I'm a good 5'8" and obviously a bit taller with any shoes or boots.

The last guy said he was 5'10" I'd say he was my height but this one even said would you mind being taller? No but not by that much.

And I think the obvious disappointment when he realised just made me want to scratch my own skin off.

I can't remember a worse date or 'conversation' in my life

Definitelycross

this sounds like a really bad one
sorry 😞
its really rather depressing Afterwards

been there
any Hints when you look at messages and chat ?

as sometimes even if there’s no chemistry you can have an affable chat

Yes my STBXH moved in straight away with the other woman. She has two daughters around my boys age.

She told me that my kids would find it difficult at first but would soon get used to it.

Erm no.

He's moved in to a ready made family - her daughters are with her part time.

It's bound to make the kids feel unwanted.

But of course the other woman in my case had introduced my STBXH at least five years earlier so they'd had time to get used to him.

No. He seemed very sure of himself. Older. Successful.

I just really worry that it's me

When you say ‘that’s it’s me ‘ what exactly are you worried about ? I’m only asking as a date like that is sooooooo brutal for the self esteem it’s worth analysing so it doesn’t bloody happen again

Definitelycross

hiw long was he having an affair for ?
she introduced him to her kids when he was married to someone else ?

my days
humanity

Well I have a quirky dress sense. Not mad or anything. But I wore a black culottes jumpsuit from Cos and my DMs. I steered clear of leopard print so thought I'd gone for the safe option.

I'd spent ages doing my hair and makeup. It looked just like my profile picture. I thought I looked good.

Not once did he even say oh you look nice. He just looked like he'd rather be anywhere else.

I don't know I just feel like I'm getting something wrong. I don't know. But honestly if I hadn't been speaking there would have been no conversation. So then I think - do I talk too much?

Well with that particular woman five years. Took her to Italy on holiday the lot.

Definitelycross

you know I’ve been on dates with people I didn’t fancy
but I still had a nice walk or a talk or coffee
and it was pleasant interaction between two human beings

profile pics are always risky anyway

I think the fact you are feeling this bad speaks volumes about his lack of charm and grace

fuck him and his stony face
cunt

he didn’t make you smile once

delete and consign to memory

Definitelycross

well , I have no words , moral vacuam that one too
but really shit for your kids I can imagine

Thank you

Do you know it wasn't my fault at all. I tried my very best. I've had better conversations with delivery drivers.

Why do I automatically think it's my fault. You're absolutely right.

I'm currently talking to a lovely local man and I've looked back on our chats and he's literally made me laugh out loud several times.

We seem to be on the same wavelength and we had agreed that even if we didn't fancy each other if and when we meet up we both laugh at the same thing. Ourselves mainly.

Yes. Indeed. Fuck him.

See this is why I automatically blame myself.

I'm too tall. Too loud. Too quiet. Too quirky. Too boring. Too not enough to keep the father of my kids at home.

My automatic response is what did I do wrong???

Definitelycross

good , this is On him and his complete inability to show grace and humanity

I hope he’s already been deleted (not blocked as that takes an effort )

just deleted

@Mila14 I've had an amazing first date! He looked exactly like his photos, if anything I fancied him more because he has a nice slim figure and was wearing a gorgeous leather jacket. He's lovely, attentive, gentlemanly, interesting. We went for coffee, then had a walk, then went to a quirky pub I know with candle lit rooms, then we went for a Chinese. We take lots, four hours! In the restaurant I asked him if he was glad we'd met up 😁 and he said yes 😊 He walked me back to mine and we held hands and he kissed me when we said goodbye 😊 We're meeting again next week.

That sounds perfect.

I'm glad you had a great evening. It's all the positive outcomes on here that give me hope.

There are great matches out there ❤️❤️❤️