Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

LuckyLinda3

id assume after Xmas (stress ) and sickness this is making you feel low 🙁

id say if he said that - he means it (and it’s a positive idea to have , let’s see if he can follow through !)

so IF you like him take him at his word , but have a nice date for when you are 100% recovered ?

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

sorry about your mum
might be an opportunity to take a natural break and pause and reflect

I know it's not been long but it's still hard to break up

Are you doing it face to face?

Maybe something along the lines of - I can't see time in my life for this just now. Fairer to let him go for now. No you don't want to put timescales on it. You don't need the additional pressure. A clean break takes one thing off your mind.

I'm sorry though 🤗

LuckyLinda3

id also use the ‘best year yet’ comments as an opportunity to share the expectations you have 😏

as I’m suspecting you have some of him
that maybe need sharing before you restart ..

Thanks for the replies, you are all correct. We have had issues before but have also had very good spells and in general I'm very happy with him. I am inclined to want to take him at his word but do have expectations that I feel need to be expressed face to face. I think we will meet up and take it from there as I also think the frustration of not seeing each other is causing some of the tension/bickering.

@LuckyLinda3 I think you do what you say, meet face to face when you're feeling better and lay out your expectations. Go from there

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss sorry to hear about your mom. As for your iron I would just be honest and say Xmas has allowed you so thinking time, and whilst been fun etc you don't think you're suited long-term so best you go separate ways now

'Ohh start off with the positive, its been amazing and I loved it with you, and taking a break now is what works for me, what with mums health'
... then do a slow fade
thats what I would do if I wasn't that into him..

It doesn't get easier with age, does it?

Thanks all that feels like the obvious thing to do and not a lie either. It HAS been fun and I really do not have a fella shaped hole (no pun intended) now my circa have changed. Eldest teen's dire mental health has taken a nosedive too plus I'll be starting a new big girl job after 10 years in current place next month AND the MSc essays don't seem to be writing themselves.

If he was nearer, less annoying (yes @ilovebrie8 the very same) and I fancied him more then I'd probably work out how to carve out time for romance but as it is time to look after the home fires.

Eeeesh I really really hate making people sad or cross 😔 but being on red alert for a delusional unstable octogenarian legitimately means I'm not able to leave home overnight so that is legitimately the nail in the coffin for that.

Bum.

So he called earlier this evening and we got chatting and spent so much time filling in the gaps that we didnt even discuss our falling out other than for him to say that he hates when we fall out and never wants it to happen again. He wanted to stay over but I'm still not 100% and I have work tomorrow while hes still off another day so we agreed it would probably be the weekend before we get some quality time together. He took me for some shopping and bought us a Chinese so I wouldn't have to cook. He also brought cough medicine for me and the kids...there are a lot of positives and tonight reminded me of that too.

I had a wonderful few days with MissG over New Year. Totally smitten. 😊

I also managed a good conversation with my ex yesterday about her sharing some of the parental responsibility for our youngest DD and got agreement to when she would spend time with her so we can both plan stuff.

No response from my eldest DD to any messages since Christmas Day. It's her birthday next week. ...I've asked if she wants to meet up for birthday tea but the message remains unread. Just got to keep trying.

Hope everyone is good 👍

@Definitelycross - how exciting! Hope it goes well tomorrow.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss - I hope the conversation goes well. I may have to have to have a similar one at some point and completely dreading it

I'm not sure what good comes out of trying except that you're not respecting her boundaries. She knows what you want, you have to let her be ready to come to you.

nice that you're smitten and hope all continues to work out with MissG

Myfabby

im afraid I don’t agree , I only say that theres
a lot of this right now and Xmas exacerbates this

texting weekly to check in on a child that’s not speaking to you isn’t necessarily disrespecting boundaries

it’s not easy however

I even texted my ex (never do that !) as my eldest isn’t speaking to his dad either

to try and encourage him to keep trying

it’s tricky but my son needs a dad and my ex is…. Not the easiest

It's really tricky. I don't want to pressure her but until she says don't contact me I feel that I need to let her know I'm still here for her and that I miss her. I don't want her to turn to me in years time and say that I didn't try to maintain contact with her. She'll be 20 next week and there is so much I want to talk to her about.

I have a date tomorrow! We've only been chatting since the 30th December, but have had two phone calls of well over an hour each time and are a bit giddy about meeting up, as we have a lot in common and make each other laugh and seem to get on well. I'm very excited and nervous about tomorrow.

I'm on the keep trying page.

It was my eldest son's birthday today and his dad messaged him.

DS didn't reply. But I know he's hurting a lot.

I've said this before so I don't want to labour the point, but I'm with the kids and see their hurt. They already feel abandoned and if their dad stopped trying then none of them would ever hear from him or see him again.

I don't see it as disrespecting boundaries I've told him it's about him being the grown up and keeping communication channels open. They're still hurt and angry. But one day they might answer that message and begin to process their feelings about him with him.

Then again, maybe they won't.

But you know you've tried. I think you're doing great @teesguy - it might bear fruit.

Please keep trying @teesguy and also please keep posting here. It is really helpful getting the male perspective from you and @NoDatingForOldMen

Well a week ago I was ready to ditch Mr Serb but was talked down by lovely people on here ❤️❤️❤️
He really has taken on board my need for more affection and after our cosy evening in on Thursday we had a lovely few days over New Year with parties on NYE and NYD at different sets of mutual friends' houses and a hobby event on Monday followed by another evening in with a film and cuddles - only the second time we have done this and four days after the first 😁😁😁😁😁
It has been a long haul getting to this point and we have had other times of getting close and then he retreated into his cave so may be another false dawn but this does feel more real. So even with STBXH being difficult and going back to work in 3 hours to a job I hate hasn't brought me down (yet🤣🤣)
Really hoping y'all having a good week and that we will be hearing lots of hot date news soon!

@teesguy - its lovely that your smitten and great that you have been able to have a sensible chat with your ex - having kids and dating at the same time means that plans are essential.

@teesguy

My remark re disrespecting boundaries was aimed at lets meet for birthday tea. Sending messages say you care, and I love you etc is fine. A persistence that she meets up for a milestone is what my daughter really hated, because what would happen is he would now share the details of that meet or a photo she reluctantly took with him and that just undid all the gentle nudging I had done to get her to yield to his texts( I am not suggesting you would do the same as my ex btw).

Good luck navigating it- it's tough anyway you slice it...

@teesguy definitely keep trying with your DD. My real dad couldn't care less

Sorry, pressed send too soon....

@teesguy definitely keep trying with your DD. I'm a little older than your daughter, and My own dad lives overseas and couldn't care less about me and how I'm doing. I would love a father like you who cares enough to reach out, even when I don't feel able to speak. Just hang in there ❤️

I’m so happy for you Jangolina
Ive he also lovely low key time with MrEx and I also have man cave issues with him but we have talked a lot and I am getting to understand better
I’m in no hurry for anything but feel quite happy 😃 and I’m in love

How are you Oncey ? I saw your posts here and like all said, only 2 months so nothing has been set in stone. He’s clearly smitten with you but perhaps you now see why he hasn’t had a long relationship at his age. These guys with no kids and no long relationship and 50 or over … are a no go for most of us
We are all learning here and I wish we had all the facts before going into a relationship but we just can’t avoid the disappointments and cringes and annoying times with guys we will NEVER fall in love with.
Rest a bit and come back to OLD whenever it feels right for you

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … I know you are thinking stuff… take your time to decide anything but be aware of time. You are lovely and full of life and if you want a partner… he needs to be free to love you