i (40) started seeing a man (48) at the beginning of September. We both have very busy jobs and divorced with DC and live two hours away from each other but both work in London.
At the beginning of dating we had quite an intense experience - seeing each other 2-3 times a week and going away together for 5 days (i went on a work trip and he opted to come with me - he owns his own business) where we first slept together. We both agreed it was wonderful, we got close, loved being together etc, not easy to stay in a hotel room for 5 days with someone you don’t know well etc. He told me he thought he “could really fall for me.”
he warned me in mid-nov that the lead up to Christmas would be crazy busy for him and he’d be less available. I assumed we would snatch time when we could but it did not work out like that. He was in London frequently going to various work related events and saying he would call / text when he had finished but then texting late and saying he was heading home. His DC also got quite ill with bugs (as did everyone) and so he stopped coming into London and worked from home. He was also not particularly consistent with contact. It averaged a few whatsapps every other day and a call 2-3 times a week. I would have liked more but did not over - text and took his lead.
i naturallly withdrew over this period as I took it to mean he was not as into me as I was into him (I certainly would have made the space and effort if I really liked someone.) When I initially withdrew he got upset and called and texted me a series of times telling me it was just difficult during this period and we would see each other a lot in the new year.
there we’re two events over the last two weeks that he said he’d see me after (both ended at 9/10 at night) but he went home instead and texted me. One of them he apparently thought it was too late (the event had gone on until 11.30) and the other he had to get home to look after his DC who were off school with illness the next day. He very much left me to draw conclusions of my own rather than be specific. For eg the first event, I had got dressed up and was waiting by the phone at 9.30 for him to call to say where to meet. Instead he texted at 11.30 saying his event had gone on longer and he was on his way home. No call or anything.
I withdrew again as I felt if he really wanted to see me he would have made the effort.
after 2 days of not responding to his contact with me, he sent me an email and a text. In the email were two tickets to NYC on 22jan and a hotel booking, and the text said the following:
I’m really sorry about the last few weeks. I don’t mean to give mixed messages.
I have an idea what you’re thinking but it’s not true. Work has been frantic, always is at this time as I’m sure it is with you. You are on my mind a lot, and when we speak and I see you it reminds me how much I miss time together. The new year will bring us more time. Xxx
this week I have been away in France with DC and he and I have had balanced, contact. It is not enough for me as it is but the future promise of “next year” keeps me hopeful. I don’t know what to think. Every time I bring it up or give him a chance to get out of it, he insists he doesn’t want that, or. Says something like “please don’t dump me for what I can’t control.”
what do you all think?