Mum winced when I talked about first holiday with new boyfriend

[Carriebosse]

I’m in a new relationship (3ish months) and it’s going well. Now back home for Christmas and mentioned that I wanted to tell them about a holiday we had just been on - my mum visibly winced when I said this.

feeling a bit hurt, I’m 30, he’s a nice guy - I haven’t really seen my parents in person much since it all happened. I obviously want to tell them about him.

Ive changed the subject but feel a bit sad that they’re not interested. They do know about him but give me my moment maybe. It’s still the honeymoon period

Seriously? New relationship, a holiday, these are reasonable and interesting subjects for conversation I would think. What do you talk about with your mum/daughter, the weather and the price of fish?

It’s envy, OP. Same with your bonus. Tall Poppy Syndrome and all that.

Thank you all 😭

Its going well, I’m happy with him! Yes we’re not taking things slow but we’re consenting adults and it’s not too fast paced I don’t think. Won’t move in with him for some time I think (if it does get to that stage, we haven’t discussed it) but just really enjoying spending time together, going on dates, we have the same sense of humour which is great and also I fancy him. Just been a good time really. He’s supportive and a good listener, takes an interest in my life. I do the same with him. Just really nice.

we haven’t met each others’ families or friends yet but plan to do so in the new year.

thanks all those for asking! It’s really nice to talk about it.

It sounds like that’s just what your mum is like, sadly. She’s the one missing out hearing about your high points, try not to dwell on it. Wishing you luck in your new relationship, sounds like it’s going great 😊

Mine too. My parents put us in separate bedrooms when we came to visit them when we were dating. Even when I was living with him and already pregnant. They definitely would’ve been weird about holidays and weekends away so early into the relationship.

Haha my first thought was I would hate to hear about my kids romantic mini breaks because based on my own experience it means lots of shagging but that aside she sounds mean and a bit of a downer

It’s odd OP. I have two DDs 22 and 18 and I’d be interested in what you did, where you went etc. I’d want to see photos and ask about the accommodation. YANBU. Is your dad around or any siblings?

Just come back from seeing my parents. I'm 20 years older than you and the list of things barely acknowledged grows throughout the decades.
My wedding - they'll recall everyone else's, mine was too hot, nothing else!
My work - shame your major project shown on X wasn't on Y, a very similar competitor.
My kids - DD is getting through uni offers, apparently they are posh choices and she'll end up all posh. This is not a good thing.

I think it's jealousy mixed with low self confidence turned judgy.

Thanks @Benjispruce4 in fairness I sent some photos over WhatsApp but just wanted to tell her some funny stories, show her the sights etc etc… not so much about the holiday or him, just my life news.

tbf the same has happened for a long time. I had a Saturday job (which my parents helped facilitate and drive me around for etc, they were very supportive) and would use my earnings to go away with uni friends. My mum wouldn’t ever ask about them. Just feels shit! But I should be old enough now to know 😂

@RabbitTastic im sorry 😭 💐

it’s rubbish isn’t it!

fwiw you sound like you and your children are doing really well so keep doing what you’re doing.

Have you found any effective coping techniques?

It sounds as though she is jealous. Did she have a very different lifestyle at your age? Does she envy your freedom and lifestyle because she was married with children at your age perhaps?

your mother is probably biting her tongue here. What you view as disinterest is her keeping her opinion to herself.

@Ponderingwindow could you elaborate?

The lack of interest is hurtful and strange. My mother never wanted to hear about my boyfriends as she was terrified she would lose me when I got in a serious relationship/married

She's envious and rude!
I love hearing about my children's holidays and I wouldn't care if it was someone they'd known for a month, as long as they had a good time.
Wincing! What a bloody drama Queen.

What a strange reaction from her. Sure, maybe she isn’t that interested, but to wince? It does sound as though she’s a bit jealous, and is trying to bring you down by being so obviously uninterested in your life.
Unless you have form for spending hours describing every little detail from the airport parking to the decor in the hotel room and the cleanliness standards of the toilets! (Like a friend of mine used to).

OP, I don't think a 3 day holiday is "too much, too soon". You're 30 years old and like you said, it's not like you're moving in together.
In regards to your mother, unfortunately it sounds like she is envious and/or worried that he will be "taking you from her". These are the 2 main reasons mothers react poorly or lack a reaction all together when their daughters are enjoying a man in their life.

It was the wincing that got to me as well. Just felt like she was making it all about her. She told me all about some random woman she has met in Tesco’s that day and her Peruvian son in law and their holiday plans… And then winced when I said, ooh can I tell you about mine… Why would you do that to your child! Ok let’s not talk about my news at all then.

OP you said she has said previously that she wants you to be happy. Could you initiate a conversation where you remind her of that and say that you think you might be having the right feelings about this guy and that you’d really like her to meet him.?

Oh please, they're 30 not 18. My husband proposed after 18 weeks.

Yes OP, I think it's a shame your mother wasn't more interested. Does she have very traditional views on relationships?

You’re a 30 year old adult. Why do you care what your mother thinks about you going on holiday with your new bf? It really is none of her business. If her reaction bothers you, don’t tell her.

Why?

@Carriebosse why don't you ask her what the wince was all about? She's your mum.

The moments gone tbh and she will be defensive. The way I read it was that she didn’t want to hear about it. I took my cue and said I would stop talking about it and she didn’t ask again - so I guess that’s my answer 😂

Ask her if she's got toothache.

In future, decide what you want to tell her, is it for her approval?

Not approval just for something to say!