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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I send one last text?

126 replies

Swimawayyy · 20/12/2022 19:57

Hi
ive been seeing a guy for a couple of months. We had a conversation last week about where this was going and both agreed that we enjoy each others company but neither of us is in the right headspace yet for a relationship.
he’s having a tough time at the moment. He’s incredibly busy at work and the anniversary of his sisters death is coming up just after Christmas, and he’s been unwell.
I last saw him a week ago and I spoke to him on the phone 3 days ago and things seemed ok.
Ive texted him twice since and had no reply. The last was 2 nights ago just saying goodnight and that I hoped he was ok. I know he’s read the message.

I don’t know if he’s ignoring me (but why?) or he’s just super busy, but he’s never been too busy not to reply to a text before, or if it’s something else. I suppose I need to know if he’s just decided he doesn’t want to see me anymore.

i want to reach out one last time - but I know if I do I’ll be checking my phone every 5 minutes for a reply. And I don’t know how to word it. I was thinking of waiting until after Christmas and sending one around his sisters anniversary? But this is driving me crazy and I’m not sure if I should text tonight?

please help xx

OP posts:
Mumma · 20/12/2022 19:59

No. Don't do it.
Xx

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 20/12/2022 19:59

You know the answer to this, OP, as will everyone reading your thread title: no.

NotRightNowNo · 20/12/2022 19:59

No, definitely not. Leave it be and go find something else to think about. you're just prolonging the agony

Coldhouseflowers · 20/12/2022 19:59

No, two are enough .

supercali77 · 20/12/2022 20:01

Another for no. You've sent 2. He knows how to write words.

Given how you're feeling about this it seems like even though you've agreed with him that this is causal, your feelings aren't those of a casual connection. So I would cut it off for your own sake

Justmuddlingalong · 20/12/2022 20:01

Don't draw this out. You both agreed now isn't a good time for either of you. So just leave it.

BCBird · 20/12/2022 20:02

It's a no from me.

Sallytobleroney · 20/12/2022 20:02

Two is plenty, don't send any more. If you really feel you have to, then give it a month and in the meantime start to focus on getting on with your own life. You have broken up from this guy and need to move on. Sorry to be harsh, have been there, but you never need to text a guy and remind him that you exist.

Crazycrazylady · 20/12/2022 20:03

No.. please don't do this to yourself
As the movie title says "he's just not that in to you"

Senseofsomething · 20/12/2022 20:04

Definitely no. Let it go. Do something that distracts you and is a nice thing to do. Call a friend, go to a yoga class, bake a cake, go for a long walk… anything else except text and sit waiting for a reply that won’t come.

strawberry2017 · 20/12/2022 20:04

No, just leave it now. Don't make yourself look ridiculous by constantly messaging someone whose choosing not to reply.

lolly07766 · 20/12/2022 20:04

No don't do it, as hard as it is Flowers

Minikievs · 20/12/2022 20:09

Just from reading the totals of your thread, without opening it, my answer was no.

I've opened it, read it, the answer is still no.

Don't do it to yourself OP

Minikievs · 20/12/2022 20:10

*title

Harrysmummy246 · 20/12/2022 20:10

If you have to ask, you know the answer is no....

ludocris · 20/12/2022 20:11

Please don't. Your brain will try to convince you that you 'just need to know' and that once you've sent one more text, if he doesn't reply you'll know for sure, and that that will outweigh any embarrassment you might feel at having contacted him again.

Ignore your brain. You know that he's just not that into you. If it does turn out that there's some really valid reason as to why he hasn't been in touch, he'll get in touch at some point.

If you message him again now, either he won't respond or he'll respond with something luke warm at best and either way you'll be kicking yourself. Let it be, and if he does really like you, he'll be in touch.

Unforgettablefire · 20/12/2022 20:13

Definitely no after being ignored twice already.
I'd delete his number as well just in case you're tempted.
(From someone that's been there and regretted it)

Original poster
Swimawayyy · 20/12/2022 20:13

Thanks everyone
i needed to hear this
and mumsnet has come to the rescue and saved me from making an idiot of myself.

thank you…. I’m going to settle down and watch a film instead xxx

OP posts:
momtoboys · 20/12/2022 20:13

No. Just no.

Original poster
Swimawayyy · 20/12/2022 20:14

I have deleted his number ( just because I know what I’m like) and the WhatsApp chat.
but I know I can get his number anytime … he’s on a WhatsApp group I’m on. Is there any solution to this?

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 20/12/2022 20:14

Two messages without a reply is enough.
Even if he does come back after a while, he'll be bread crumbing you for attention, he's not interested.

Hearmeout · 20/12/2022 20:14

You've both agreed you're not in a the right space for a relationship...what more is there to say?

Don't text.

Hearmeout · 20/12/2022 20:16

Swimawayyy · 20/12/2022 20:14

I have deleted his number ( just because I know what I’m like) and the WhatsApp chat.
but I know I can get his number anytime … he’s on a WhatsApp group I’m on. Is there any solution to this?

The solution is will power and respecting what you've both agreed.

ShandaLear · 20/12/2022 20:17

Delete his number and unfriend him on all social media, and then block him on social media. It’s over so stop wasting brain space on it.

ludocris · 20/12/2022 20:17

Swimawayyy · 20/12/2022 20:14

I have deleted his number ( just because I know what I’m like) and the WhatsApp chat.
but I know I can get his number anytime … he’s on a WhatsApp group I’m on. Is there any solution to this?

Maybe if you block him on WhatsApp.

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