Please talk to me I’m heartbroken

[indigosparkle]

this might be long so I do apologise.
been best friends with a guy from work for around 14 years, during lockdown he was seeing a girl from work for around a year, went tits up me and him got closer and started sleeping together after a very drunk night out about a year ago, saw him once or twice a week since then and became fwb, saw him last Monday and since then he’s ghosted me, tried ringing etc which isn’t unusual as we speak on the phone every night. Found out last night he asked another girl out on Friday and that’s why he’s had no contact, I’ve lost my best friend of 14 years over some girl he’s known literally days. I can’t stop crying he was all I had, I do t see or speak to anyone other than him and now I’ve lost him.

Of course he hasn’t contacted you since, he was using you and only wanted sex. He didn’t ghost you in the first place because she said too, he done it because he didn’t need you anymore as he was just using you.

Now his got his leg over again he knows he can use you anytime so don’t be surprised if you find out his made back up with the ex and is now ghosting you again.

Of course this is horrible and hard for you but clearly you’re not learning the lesson. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Wise up.

You can have a social life without him, it’s not him or nothing, start working on different types of relationships.

I'm sorry, but he's a complete dick. Please straighten up and hold your head high, you are better than this. Block him on all socials and delete his number and go and do something positive with your life.

OP I'm sorry but don't be so bloody pathetic.

This man hasn't spoken to you for a year, he's only ringing you now for a shag because his ex has left him.

He's treating you like a prostitute. Worse, actually, because at least he'd pay you if you were.

No, he's treating you like a fleshlight, and he will throw you away again the second some pretty little thing tells him to. Do you really want to be this man's masturbation aid?

Have some self respect. Read your first post again. That's exactly how this will end. Do you want to go through all that again for the sake of some absolute loser? Because that's what this man is.

@indigosparkle

Love yourself more!!

Hes not as good a friend as you think!

No matter what he says, he doesn't care about you.

Actions speak louder than words. He lies, he drops you the minute some girl drops her knickers.

Get out, meet some people, make some friends and go back to counselling, they'll help you make better choices in men & life.

Oh dear. This man wasn’t a friend it was a co dependant bunk up which given your vulnerability should never had started. Grieve for the man and hopefully in time you will see how messed up your situation was. You won’t be the first woman to hope by offering no strings sex, that a relationship will follow.

He told you what you wanted to hear and he might have believed what he said but given your feelings for him,I hope he remains a ghost. Your attachment to him was unhealthy and the happy ever after wasn’t on the table.

Im sorry you are hurting but your lack of self worth makes you extremely vulnerable and any self respecting human wouldn’t have entered into a sexual relationship with you. This man was not a friend, just an opportunist who prioritised himself.

He wasn’t your friend though, he was something else, I don’t even know what to call it. He has treated you very badly, I think you need to get a bit angry.

Well he’s blocked me on all social media, messaging apps etc but why get back in touch just to put me through it all again in less than a week?

Because he's a twat.

OP - this is an old saying/joke

Why does a dog lick his own bollocks?

Because he can...........

This bloke KNOWS you're his for the taking, anytime he likes.
He can play mind games on you, enjoy thinking of you fretting, absolutely fucking ADORE the power he has. What a laugh!

He is doing this BECAUSE HE CAN

As long as you respond to his whistle he'll carry on. Why wouldn't he??

You're hurting, we've mostly all been there ... it's extra bad for you because you've lost your 'boyfriend' (if that's what you'd call him), and your best friend. But, he didn't treat you like a best friend - he should have told you he'd met someone, not just dropped you. What an insensitive pig! You can't change him, BUT you can change your life. You've started a new job, you must be meeting new people. Dry your tears, make sure you're happy, smiley and approachable - make friends, and get out and about with them. Give online dating a try ... be careful, don't believe everything you see and read .... but give it a try. At worst you'll have some fun stories to tell on here, at best you'll meet someone who'll blow you away with love - you'll be forgetting this miserable time, trust me! Go girl!

You know why. He'd split up with his GF and wanted easy access to sex and comfort.
Now they're either back together or he's with someone else.
OP, he's absolutely awful. He has no care or conscience, and is making you desperately unhappy for the second time. You know this really. So your feelings are nothing to do with him being lovable or right for you, and everything to do with you seeing him as your only option, and better than an ex who was violent.
I think you need to look how to increase your self worth. Your ex will have seriously damaged it and given you too low a bar for future relationships. You don't have to go to counselling but some reading on your own around surviving DV might resonate as a start point.
When you feel ready you can start to build your life a little, focus on women for friendship, and in time you can look for the type of relationship you deserve.

I’m sorry op but he was using you. He wanted an ego boost and to have sex. He didn’t want a friendship or relationship with you.

He sounds very much like a guy I know. I was friends with him and then it turned physical too. I really fell hard for him and then he cut me loose for someone else. When he argued with her, he would get in contact with me and play the sympathy card. I’d fall for it everytime because I was head over heels in love with him. Honestly it could be the same guy.

It was hard but I had to force myself to move on and realise how awful he was. I also had to realise that I was allowing him to treat me this badly, I was the one allowing myself to get hurt because I stupidly allowed him to contact me and lure me back in. Even though he blocked me everywhere, I still had his number. I blocked him so I wouldn’t need to see a message again. It’s hard and it will hurt but it’s for the best.

please move on from him, you’re not wasting your own life.

I let myself be used in much the same way for nearly 3 fucking years...after a romantic relationship that had lasted all of 6 months. That was 15 years ago and looking back I want to go and slap myself! I was so deluded, thought the guy in question still loved me (spoiler: he never had) and he'd 'wake up' one day and realise it...

Of course he never did. The only thing that stopped me in the end was the night I'd responded to yet another booty call (which it was, even though I would have sworn at the time it wasn't). This was after a period of about 3 months when we'd fallen out and weren't talking...he gleefully told me about how during those 3 months he'd gone out one night and slept with an old friend of his...when I looked disgusted he said 'well we weren't talking at the time, if we had it would have been you'...scales finally fell from my eyes and I realised that's all I meant to him....easy sex. We were 'friends with benefits' without the 'friends' part.

I went no contact with him and 6 months later I met my partner of the last 14 years.

I should have told him to fuck off the first time he came back...after that I was a volunteer, not a victim.

In the nicest possible way, because he knew you'd be there. He knew you'd be pining for him. He knew you'd have sex with him.

And you did. You're just toy, not worthy of having a relationship with.

Except you're not. Stop this madness now. Block him on everything. He's shown you that he's an absolute scumbag. There's a million men out there who find all types of women attractive so pull yourself together and stop putting all your self worth into your looks and then trashing yourself like this.

Wake up. I know you're hurting but wake up and be angry. Be pissed off. And don't EVER allow this manipulative, lying, abusive sleazy cunt to even think he could come near a woman like you.

You deserve a man who will worship the ground you walk on. And you'll find him. But you gotta let this dick head go first

Honestly at this minute In time it feels like I’ll never get over him, I’ll forever miss bits of him, like it physically hurts. I have had a couple of guys interested in dating me over the last year and I’ve always said I wasn’t interested, because I was waiting for him.
I know I sound absolutely pathetic but it’s hard to explain without you actually knowing him, he’s very very charming and I’m just like putty In His hand.

I'm going through something very similar to you, but the problem with these people is that they are happy to play with you. Look up narcissism. I'm not saying that means he IS a diagnosed narc but people can very much behave in toxic and narcissistic ways and all the advice on how to deal with them still applies.
He picks you up and puts you down when he feels like it and the reason he does it is simple: Because he can, because you allow it and because his validation is far more important to you than your own.

It's well known that infatuation is like a drug, so you're essentially going through withdrawal and what you need to accept is that this drug is bad for you. It feels great when you get a hit, but you know that the come down will happen because he'll leave, he'll ghost you, he'll treat you badly after he's had what he wants and you'll be left at rock bottom. This is how you need to look at it.

Why anyone would want to be that cruel? I'm still trying to work it out myself to be honest, but you need to understand that you're in a situation where you either choose him, or you choose you. As hard as it is, no good will come of choosing him. Absolutely no good at all. Choosing you will hurt, you'll feel sad, lonely and distraught - all things I've been feeling. You'll yearn for him and be confused about why he could be so cruel, but choose yourself anyway because he has given you all the information you need to know about how valuable you are in his eyes.

Choosing to walk away in such circumstances is one of the hardest things you can ever do in life, but it is 100% worth it in the long run. I'm not sure right now I even believe that myself but at the same time I simply know that it's better than what I was getting being in a situation where someone treated me like disposable garbage whenever they felt like it. It was upsetting me, messing my head up and destroying my sense of self worth. That's all I needed to know, and it's all you need to know as well right now.