Turned on flirting with boss... help!!

[WelshMammy2]

I have worked with my boss for 7 years. No hint whatsoever at anything being there. He is older quite a bit older than me.

We travel the world as part of our jobs. About three months ago we had a night out after a day of meeting, and ended up on the dance floor. First time in 7 years. He got quite touchy feely... I didn't "do anything" but dance - but I also didn't tell him no or to stop. I'm being super honest when I post this - I actually really enjoyed the attention. We never mentioned anything again.

Fast forward to our Christmas night out. After several drinks, he tells me he fancies me. He is married with three kids 😳 again he was touchy feely, kissing my cheek a lot and at one point grabbed my bum. The rest of the team were there so I kept telling him to be careful, and he kept trying to get us to sneak off.

My dilemma... I don't fancy him but omg did I enjoy it. I loved the attention, found it beyond sexy and can't wait for the next night incase it might happen again!! I guess I love the thrill of the chase? The lust?

I have no intention of acting on anything and I know what I am still doing is wrong. I'm sure lots of people will comment to tell me that too. In terms of my feelings though and really enjoying it - am I a narcissist? 😂 why do I like all the attention so much? I can't stop thinking about it... normal??

@5128gap What I took issue with is your statement it was 'normal' to enjoy a boss's 'attentions.

I get your point. bad wording on my part.

This would be sexual harassment if it was done to someone that wasn't interested.

Don't think your reaction is rare, loads of my friends are like this and need affirmation from a man by being made to feel desirable. It does normally lead to being used or something meaningless as quick as it all started. I wouldn't also flatter yourself by believing you are the only one.

I understand why someone might get a kick out of attention, particularly if they're in a place where they need a boost (self esteem issues? Relationship or loneliness issues? Feeling like you're getting older? Who knows.)

But then they need to separate fleeting thoughts and feelings from actions and apply logic (nothing good can come out of flirting with a married boss). I'm not sure it's helpful to beat yourself (or others) up for thinking or feeling something "wrong"... don't act on it, just let it go and see what it's telling you about yourself (eg time to focus on your relationship).

Thank you. No worries.🙂

Yeah, too right, fuck your husband and kid, let your pervy boss, (who has definitely never done anything like this before) grope away. Sure it'll all turn out fine.

OP, I'm going to assume you are young.

In my early 20s, I had a couple of bosses try it on with me. It's completely inappropriate. He knows that and he knows what he's doing. He also knows that you are naive and won't yet have realised he's a sleaze. He'll assume you haven't yet encountered this in other work places and so are susceptible to the flattery.

In truth. You are not the first. Not his first, nor the first in general.

Believe me, when you look back on this in years to come, you will want to remember yourself as the woman who shut it down and not one who fell for it.

We've got it in the first post!

You admit you don't even fancy him. You just enjoy male attention from a man. Any men willing to give you some.

Find a man who is single and do better.

God I remember being young without a clue but then I got old and wise thank god

She's 34 and married...

The other thing to remember when you're using this as a confidence boost, is how hard you're going to fall when the blinkers are off and you see it for what it is.
When you overhear those prettier younger women you mention gossiping about how Creepy Colin finally got someone to let him cop a feel, how you must be as desperate as he is.
When your colleagues judge you harshly because he's married (because its ALWAYS the women they go for)
When he gets tired of you either because you don't have sex with him, or equally likely if you do, and you're left wondering what you did wrong.
You might not have much self confidence now, but when you've lost your dignity and the respect of others, you'll have even less.

the younger & prettier ones he prob knows he has no chance with. I think he’s spotted something vulnerable in you or he knows you’re insecure/low self-esteem & so feels he has a chance to get his end away.

Oh boy you’re reading to
much into this and coming with your weird own story. How about he jus likes her? It happens.

Weird own story made me laugh🤣

you’re entitled to your opinion & i’m
entitled to mine. My opinion still stands. The op sounds like she has low self esteem!

Well if you like that sort of attention...their are other careers. He is a dirty old man and a perv. He's got 3 kids at home and a WIFE.

It’s the frisson of it being naughty I think. Underneath it all were still teenagers and you’re getting off on being desired. The only problem is that down the line you may act on it and it’s going to get horribly messy.

Somehow you've got to stamp it out but god knows how. Maybe stop socialising with him.

OP, do you love your husband and do you want to stay with him?

He has 3 children at home but you have been on countless nights out with him when he has turned down opportunities to be unfaithful.....

You have a child at home
He has 3 at home
How do the countless nights out that get to the stage where adultery is considered, even happen

Is this Love Actually?!

When did the OP say she was married and/or had kids?

Either way, OP, back the fuck away from this man or you will end up regretting it.

…can’t wait for the next night in case it might happen again!!

I have no intention of acting on anything.

@WelshMammy2, those statements are incongruent. You already acted on the gratification you felt when OM said he fancied you, and then allowed him to repeatedly kiss your face and put his hands on you. And you hope it happens again.

How do you think your H and his W would have felt if they’d witnessed that spectacle? How would you feel if your H was making moves like this on a colleague?

You’ve written about being abused as a child and made to feel ugly. When an ignorant person disparaged your darling toddler’s looks, you felt triggered. You also mentioned that your life is currently exhausting. You’re clearly attracted to the feelings that OM’s attention has engendered in you. Perhaps you crave being desired, an escape, or a new adventure. Channel those feelings into your marriage instead of investing in infidelity.

Put on the brakes pronto before you ruin lives. Your H doesn’t deserve this callous disregard and disrespect. You’re destabilizing your child’s home and family, and colluding to harm OM’s, all for cheap thrills.

Besides the work nights out, you work away 6 times a year. Unless you safeguard your fidelity by drawing a firm line and keeping this guy at a strictly professional distance, you need to change jobs.

Her post at 16:51

He hasn't cheated on his wife before this (of course as far as I am aware, but I have had countless nights out and seen him have that opportunity and say no, I am married).

I read that as the boss saying.... "no, i am married"

@ChristmasSparkleTastic good point 🤔. I'm not sure if she is married now you've said that.