Turned on flirting with boss... help!!

[WelshMammy2]

I have worked with my boss for 7 years. No hint whatsoever at anything being there. He is older quite a bit older than me.

We travel the world as part of our jobs. About three months ago we had a night out after a day of meeting, and ended up on the dance floor. First time in 7 years. He got quite touchy feely... I didn't "do anything" but dance - but I also didn't tell him no or to stop. I'm being super honest when I post this - I actually really enjoyed the attention. We never mentioned anything again.

Fast forward to our Christmas night out. After several drinks, he tells me he fancies me. He is married with three kids 😳 again he was touchy feely, kissing my cheek a lot and at one point grabbed my bum. The rest of the team were there so I kept telling him to be careful, and he kept trying to get us to sneak off.

My dilemma... I don't fancy him but omg did I enjoy it. I loved the attention, found it beyond sexy and can't wait for the next night incase it might happen again!! I guess I love the thrill of the chase? The lust?

I have no intention of acting on anything and I know what I am still doing is wrong. I'm sure lots of people will comment to tell me that too. In terms of my feelings though and really enjoying it - am I a narcissist? 😂 why do I like all the attention so much? I can't stop thinking about it... normal??

And yes he shouldn't have done it - he has already apologised profusely today but said he does genuinely like me, and if I'm not interested no worries move on etc. etc.

Fuck me you're right OP. Not a player AT ALL.

Because obviously you need to judge him by his flowery WORDS & ignore the fact that he's just blatantly told you he's up for a shag in the broom cupboard whenever you are.

You must feel so cherished ...

yes he is my line manager. There are lots of younger women in the team, younger and prettier than me, and he has never done anything with them.

Well if you often travel together he has means, motive and opportunity. He probably knows the younger ones would knock him back AND he wouldn't have the chance to play away easily. You're easy.

Even if you are the only women he would consider an affair with, you're already one of two he's having a relationship with.

His poor wife and kids.

I have no intention of acting on anything
It sounds as though one part of you at least had every intention of acting on this.

Give it a year and a half and we'll have...

'I fell in love with my boss, we've been having an affair, I've left my husband but he won't leave his wife and three kids, I'm heartbroken ...'

Wash, rinse and repeat...

It isn't just someone using his status to get to me. There is very little difference in our pay/job spec, but yes he is my line manager.
<<< beats head repeatedly on desk >>>

& should you be tempted to pursue this shoddy little cliche of a fling, & get caught - which of you do you reckon is going to get away pretty much unscathed, & who is going to be the one slinking around with a red face until her P45 is printed off?

There are lots of younger women in the team, younger and prettier than me, and he has never done anything with them.
How the fuck do you know?

Think about it. I expect his wife thinks he doesn't grope employee arse at parties. She's wrong though, isn't she?

You are publicly humiliating your Husband and little son.

You are also helping this sleazy pig make fools of his Wife and children.

@WelshMammy2, you’ve previously written that you grew up being bullied by your family and consider yourself to be unattractive. However, you’re NC with the bullying relatives and have described your marriage as happy.

You are now degrading yourself and sabotaging your marriage and career. Shut this down this destructive path immediately by setting a strong boundary with this Player. You should be repulsed by him, not validated.

I strongly advise you to access IC to strengthen your self-esteem.

OP I think it’s normal for you to be enyoing the attention of the boss, unlike the numerous moral police on here beating you up for it and telling you should feel horrible (gosh there’s some horrible people on MN).

I was more asking about me as a person.. to be excited by the attention of someone I don't fancy, but yes I love the attention. Knowing he has a wife at home. I don't need anyone to tell me that's awful - seeing her would put me back in my place, but in the moment, I am shamefully admitting I enjoyed it. And I don't know why...

Who knows?
How would we know more about your sexuality than you do OP?
Maybe you have a soft kink for boss roleplay.
There are more honest & less career-threatening ways of exploring that than a live action show in front of your colleagues.

You can enjoy attention without submitting your arse for manual inspection, & the vast majority of PP are urging OP to rethink her foolishness FOR HER OWN GOOD, not to beat her up FFS.

Adulterers are pretty horrible, wouldn't you say?

@KettrickenSmiled There are more honest & less career-threatening ways of exploring that than a live action show in front of your colleagues.

This I’m afraid…

Sound like the life of the party my dear.

Your self esteem most be on the floor and you must not get a lot of attention otherwise.

If it were my boss,I would just think you sleazy, inappropriate old man & would think he was completely disillusioned i he thought he had any chance!!

Married men looking for a shag tend to go for easy targets where they think they'll get a quick response.

There are lots of younger women in the team, younger and prettier than me, and he has never done anything with them

In your case I would wonder why. If I'm being cynical, maybe there's a reason why he thought you would be open to his advances....and that reason might not be flattering.

Or, maybe you have never considered this and the fact he's approached only you, ignoring these younger women who you say are more attractive than you, makes you feel like the special one?

I can imagine that some of your colleagues are loving the gossip around this.

If you are a woman who cares about women's welfare, please check yourself before posting things like this.
For every woman who had enjoyed a public mauling from her boss there will be scores more who consider it intimidating, career damaging sexual harassment.
If you're a man, you're deluding yourself to think it is 'normal' that women enjoy this. If you're a woman, speak for yourself by all means, but don't give out the message most of us 'enjoy it really'.

I can't believe how any people have been drawn in. I'll look forward to reading this in the daily mail tomorrow 😀

If you want attention then why not go on OLD?

Are you someone who doesn’t usually get attention?

I do find it odd that you’d be flattered and like the attention when you say you don’t fancy him.
Which I assume means you’re not very attractive.

Putting aside the fact that you don’t fancy him and he’s married, can you not see how dangerous this is considering you work together?

What’s going to happen if he wants to snog or have sex?
His behaviour will keep intensifying and sooner or later you’re going to have to be honest and reject him.

This can only end badly.

On your OP you asked why you enjoyed the attention, it's because we're indoctrinated to value male attention. You said you're not going to act on it - good for you! Having been in similar situations before, the power lies in saying no and not falling for the nonsense. And make sure you keeping saying no. The minute you say yes your level of attraction tumbles.
If your love life feels boring think up ways of spicing up your sex life with your DH rather than getting your head turned by your boss

I’m a woman and you should check yourself before posting stuff like this. If you follow the OP’s post she clearly states this was 100% consensual act and she sort of invited him to get a bit gropey. Yes it was wrong on both sides but it’s not the case of a woman receiving unwanted groping (which sadly happens but not the case here).

Look, OP. Just frig yourself senseless with the fantasies of this and leave it at that.
You’ll thank yourself in a few months when your lust hormones settle back down and you see him for what he is – a married, sleazy old letch (yes he is) chasing skirt at the xmas party. Then you’ll be thankful you never followed through with this and you’ll have learned a valuable lesson about yourself and your desperation to feel attractive.

Of course it’s nice to get male attention but this is the wrong sort of male and the wrong sort of attention. Your hormones won’t care but your personal morals and life ethic should.

He’s your boss. Feel the feelings, by all means. But don’t act on them. Don’t encourage him (yes you are). Remain professional.

Perhaps have a think about what’s not going on in your life to wake up this lust in you. It won’t be specific to him, it will be specific to you. It just happens to be him saying the right things at a time when your hormones are looking for a sperm donor.

Sexual attention can be enjoyable of course.
He is manipulating you for his own ends. He doesn't care about your wellbeing.

Personally I'd be very pissed off that my boss thought he could touch me in that way

I'd not take it as a compliment I'd be the opposite.......fuck off home to your wife and kids arsehole.. is what I'd be thinking.

Maybe I just have higher standards 🤔

I might forgive OP if she actually fancied her boss. But she doesn’t.
It’s the ‘thrill’. I’m guessing OP doesn’t get any attention from men her own age ie single and interested. Therefore, an older man who’s pissed at the works Christmas do warrants a thread on MN.

Raw da a;;

Check myself before posting stuff like what?
I didn't suggest in the OPs case it was nonconsensual.
What I took issue with is your statement it was 'normal' to enjoy a boss's 'attentions'. When in reality women who react like the OP are extremely rare, and most women subject to their boss's attentions do not enjoy them in the least.
Suggesting they 'normally' do perpetuates a dangerous myth that encourages men to think harassment at work is ok.