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Original poster

Turned on flirting with boss... help!!

108 replies

WelshMammy2 · 18/12/2022 11:25

I have worked with my boss for 7 years. No hint whatsoever at anything being there. He is older quite a bit older than me.

We travel the world as part of our jobs. About three months ago we had a night out after a day of meeting, and ended up on the dance floor. First time in 7 years. He got quite touchy feely... I didn't "do anything" but dance - but I also didn't tell him no or to stop. I'm being super honest when I post this - I actually really enjoyed the attention. We never mentioned anything again.

Fast forward to our Christmas night out. After several drinks, he tells me he fancies me. He is married with three kids 😳 again he was touchy feely, kissing my cheek a lot and at one point grabbed my bum. The rest of the team were there so I kept telling him to be careful, and he kept trying to get us to sneak off.

My dilemma... I don't fancy him but omg did I enjoy it. I loved the attention, found it beyond sexy and can't wait for the next night incase it might happen again!! I guess I love the thrill of the chase? The lust?

I have no intention of acting on anything and I know what I am still doing is wrong. I'm sure lots of people will comment to tell me that too. In terms of my feelings though and really enjoying it - am I a narcissist? 😂 why do I like all the attention so much? I can't stop thinking about it... normal??

OP posts:
DeliberatelyObtuse · 18/12/2022 15:51

I'm sure you could do better than the drunk gropings of an old letch

Your colleagues will have seen what went on; you're probably already the subject of office gossip

You'll lose your job when it goes wrong

Have some self respect and a bit of dignity and walk away from this absolute car crash

Sandra1984 · 18/12/2022 15:58

@WelshMammy2 Fast forward to our Christmas night out. After several drinks, he tells me he fancies me. He is married with three kids 😳 again he was touchy feely, kissing my cheek a lot and at one point grabbed my bum. The rest of the team were there so I kept telling him to be careful, and he kept trying to get us to sneak off.

Wait... did I just read this????! This man is not only being super unprofessional but this is totally abuse of power and sexual harassment on an employee. he could loose his job for this. personally I don't think it's cute, I think it's creepy and unethical. And he's married (lets not get into that other can of worms).

Someone who practices that level of unethical entitlement I would keep far away. Plus: don't shit were you eat.

Sandra1984 · 18/12/2022 16:00

The problem is that if you entertain his advances you're giving him green light and he's going to think you're all "game" and crazy for his bones because that's how entitled guys think. It's only going to get worse. Stop this while you can.

roarfeckingroarr · 18/12/2022 16:01

What a grim cliche

ThePear · 18/12/2022 16:04

No idea why you were ‘turned on’ by your old, married boss touching your arse, maybe figure that out in a self esteem workshop. But now I feel queasy. 🤢

fortheloveofcheesecake · 18/12/2022 16:07

So you don't actually fancy him?? And yet you are willing to risk your career and reputation to be groped by an old man you don't even find attractive?? Why? What for? And he's married with children? Grow up OP.

ThePear · 18/12/2022 16:09

The description of the lecherous man you don’t fancy repeatedly kissing your cheek and touching your arse while your colleagues watched and him trying to get you away, for sex is honestly so viscerally repulsive.

Value yourself, find a higher standard of male if you want to date. Is there anyone to report this perv to? To protect other women he’ll target.

blacksax · 18/12/2022 16:16

His poor wife.

Imagine being married to someone and having three children, and finding out he's been groping the junior staff at the works Christmas do. Imagine knowing that part of his job involves business travel, and never ever being able to trust him ever again.

Your colleagues will not think very highly of you now, and you can be damn sure they noticed.

KettrickenSmiled · 18/12/2022 16:17

My dilemma... I don't fancy him but omg did I enjoy it. I loved the attention, found it beyond sexy and can't wait for the next night incase it might happen again!!

IKR?
If only there was a country you could live in or visit that had a male population consisting of more than only your boss.

It's a proper dilemma innit. I mean, what with his job, his wife & his 3 children, how much arse-groping is he going to be able to make time for?
It's such a shame your boss is The Only Boy In The World.

5128gap · 18/12/2022 16:18

ThePear · 18/12/2022 16:09

The description of the lecherous man you don’t fancy repeatedly kissing your cheek and touching your arse while your colleagues watched and him trying to get you away, for sex is honestly so viscerally repulsive.

Value yourself, find a higher standard of male if you want to date. Is there anyone to report this perv to? To protect other women he’ll target.

Indeed. It almost reads as the fantasy of some sad old man; justifying groping young women by deluding himself they're turned on by it.

KettrickenSmiled · 18/12/2022 16:19

Is there anyone to report this perv to? To protect other women he’ll target.

Very fair point, but how can she, unless she lies?
He wasn't harassing her, she loved it. Can't see her running to HR to report THAT.

Kanaloa · 18/12/2022 16:19

How embarrassing. Why would you enjoy some old man groping you to get an ego boost behind his wife’s back while she’s home with the kids? It’s no reflection on you se a person, he isn’t groping and pawing you because you’re beautiful or clever or nice. It’s because anyone with any self worth or moral backbone wouldn’t enjoy it and wouldn’t allow it.

Grimchmas · 18/12/2022 16:26

Have better self esteem, and be wiser.

EL0ISE · 18/12/2022 16:27

Are you male or female OP? You don’t mention either way and everyone is assuming that you are female. But for some reason your post sounds exactly like it’s been written by a male.

fortheloveofcheesecake · 18/12/2022 16:35

EL0ISE · 18/12/2022 16:27

Are you male or female OP? You don’t mention either way and everyone is assuming that you are female. But for some reason your post sounds exactly like it’s been written by a male.

Judging by the Mammy in the username, I'd guess the OP is female

Pinkbluebells · 18/12/2022 16:46

You really need to get out more. I mean if some middle-aged married chap with three children squeezing your butt in front of your no-doubt horrified colleagues is exciting, I can assure that there are actually available men, unmarried ones, younger ones, nicer ones that you can do unspeakable things with. If you want to save your job, the next time he starts remind him that he is married and you really don't want to get involved with a married man because it's not fair to his wife. By the way, if he tells you he is not sleeping his wife, he's lying.

QueefQueen80s · 18/12/2022 16:48

DaisyDaisyDoesHe · 18/12/2022 15:14

How mature of women on here with the "ew's" and pitying. Are they that insecure and judgemental?

OP, Some people do enjoy attention and feel flattered. There's nothing wrong with that. However, definitely don't shit where you eat and definitely don't get involved with a married man. It never ends well.

You need to ask yourself why you are enjoying the attention. Something going on in your personal life? Confidence boost?

But it is disgusting and grim, that is a completely normal response.

Original poster
WelshMammy2 · 18/12/2022 16:51

Thanks all for your comments - some lovely things for me to read hear 🤣

A few clarifications. I'm 33 and he is 49. I think when I said older some might be thinking alot older than that.

I have been good friends with him I'd say for about 6 years. Despite how my post reads, he isn't a dirty old man. Or a predator. Or a perv. He hasn't cheated on his wife before this (of course as far as I am aware, but I have had countless nights out and seen him have that opportunity and say no, I am married).

As some have rightly pointed out, I didn't stop him. And yes he shouldn't have done it - he has already apologised profusely today but said he does genuinely like me, and if I'm not interested no worries move on etc. etc. It isn't just someone using his status to get to me. There is very little difference in our pay/job spec, but yes he is my line manager. There are lots of younger women in the team, younger and prettier than me, and he has never done anything with them.

I was more asking about me as a person.. to be excited by the attention of someone I don't fancy, but yes I love the attention. Knowing he has a wife at home. I don't need anyone to tell me that's awful - seeing her would put me back in my place, but in the moment, I am shamefully admitting I enjoyed it. And I don't know why...

I just find the attention a turn on I guess... but not a turn on from a dirty old perv as some of you might suggest!

OP posts:
RiverSkater · 18/12/2022 16:59

Your bar is set depressingly low.

Your boss seems to know your bar is set low too. As do your colleagues.
Your boss's wife doesn't know husband is sniffing at your low level scraps so she is unaware of how much she's fucked.

But you jog on and enjoy the attention .

MrsTag · 18/12/2022 17:01

There's another thread going on here about affairs and if this is real I would suggest you read it. These kind of men pick a certain kind of women for this - ones that are low in self esteem or are in an unhappy or a not very exciting normal life. Perhaps one that doesn't have many friends? They can't afford the fallout so tend to pick out someone in a certain category. Could that be you?

QueefQueen80s · 18/12/2022 17:01

You're turned on by being in "competition" with another woman, who is probably his age.. and you are excited that you have "won" that contest.. it says a lot about you and your self esteem.

5128gap · 18/12/2022 17:02

The fact you want to stress to us that he's not a grim old man and that he's chosen you over younger prettier women makes it fairly obvious what it's about. You want us to know that you've done alright for yourself in attracting him.
You have got yourself all excited because you feel special and better than his wife and the other women because he wants you.
I agree with other posters, you need to get out more and find more appropriate male attention because this is a problem with your ego and confidence.

Grimchmas · 18/12/2022 17:04

He hasn't cheated on his wife before this

Oh well that's okay then, as long as he hasn't cheated on his wife before now that means there's nothing wrong with this 🙄

He is married. He is your boss. You will be the one who suffers from any fallout. Nip it in the bud, immediately.

KettrickenSmiled · 18/12/2022 17:06

I have been good friends with him I'd say for about 6 years. Despite how my post reads, he isn't a dirty old man. Or a predator. Or a perv. He hasn't cheated on his wife before this
😂😂😂
Oh OP, you sweet summer child ...

He hasn't cheated on his wife before this (of course as far as I am aware, but I have had countless nights out and seen him have that opportunity and say no, I am married).
Because he didn't want a colleague (YOU) witnessing any extra-maritals that might get back to his employer or his wife.
Flirting directly WITH you is different. You are 'implicated' now, so likely to keep schtum.

Marineboy67 · 18/12/2022 17:08

So he's married and so are you....your poor partners!