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Original poster

Should I trust him ?

110 replies

AuntieJen · 18/12/2022 08:38

My husband went out on his work Christmas do which he tells me finished at 1am, but he didn’t return home until 4.40am. He tells me he was sharing a taxi with a co-worker as they were both going in the same direction, he was supposed to drop off first but says she was very drunk and didn’t want to leave her alone with the taxi driver after he got out so he took her home. He swears nothing happened said they went in had a cup of tea and chatted, and that her 21 year son was upstairs - my brain is telling me this doesn’t happen! He returned home being overly chatty and nice. His location had also been paused on his phone at 1.20am, said he didn’t know, well that can’t happen by itself can it? I am so upset it’s tearing me apart - I can’t live with someone that has been unfaithful to me. Any advice pls.

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 18/12/2022 09:09

I find it strange as to why he went in and didn’t just drop her off as surely he then had to ring and wait for another taxi….

I would not be happy with this, especially the location pause too

whattodo1975 · 18/12/2022 09:11

He should have left her drunk and alone and got his own taxi.

Emmamoo89 · 18/12/2022 09:14

He should of come straight home after dropping her off.

iceberrywhite · 18/12/2022 09:22

My gut instinct here is something happened. I definitely would not be happy. Trust your gut.

C1N1C · 18/12/2022 09:24

Don't dwell on the unknown.

Where is your relationship at the moment? If you're in a good place, you should trust him. If you're having lots of fights, you're moody with each other, distant, not physical etc etc then maybe.

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 09:24

To quote a male friend of mine, "No man would put himself out that much for a woman unless he at least hoped something was going to happen. He might not expect it but he'd certainly hope."

If she was so drunk she needed assistance into the house, then I doubt she'd have also been capable of sitting around drinking tea and chatting for 3 hours...

You don't have the truth about what happened that night.

gliiterryballs · 18/12/2022 09:27

If my husband told me he had been drinking tea and talking I would have no reason to disbelieve him.

So, either your husband has given you reason not to trust him or you have a history which has left you feeling unable to trust?

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 09:27

Faithful men don't find themselves in the homes of drunken women in the middle of the night chatting and drinking tea for 3 hours, whilst their location is paused and their wife is at home waiting for them.

That just doesn't happen.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 18/12/2022 09:28

If her son was home then there was no need to hang around to make sure she was ok.

C1N1C · 18/12/2022 09:30

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 09:24

To quote a male friend of mine, "No man would put himself out that much for a woman unless he at least hoped something was going to happen. He might not expect it but he'd certainly hope."

If she was so drunk she needed assistance into the house, then I doubt she'd have also been capable of sitting around drinking tea and chatting for 3 hours...

You don't have the truth about what happened that night.

Wow, cynical. Don't get me wrong, something might have happened but how many marriages have broken up on here because of that influence of cynicism from others? You're basically saying a man can't be alone with a single woman for three hours and not want something. Could the same not be said for women? Granted, a man supposedly said that, but clearly not a representative man.

Hellno44 · 18/12/2022 09:30

Has he been unfaithful before? Why does his location show and why was it paused?

I personally would trust my husband. He has never given me reason to distrust him. However, I don't feel the need to track his location.

FlyingOverOrchid · 18/12/2022 09:33

If she was that drunk how would they have sat down for a nice chat and a cup of tea? Doesn’t add up.

Campervangirl · 18/12/2022 09:35

I wouldn't believe him, she was too drunk to be left with a taxi driver but able to stay awake 3 hrs chatting, nope!
The son being there is a red herring to make it sound like there was a chaperone but the son would be in bed asleep if he was even there at all.
Married men, do not put themselves out like that for other women, at least not in my world they don't, unless he's wants something more.
Plus his location was off, more like he turned it off.
Then he's trying to make himself sound like the hero of the hour.
Trust your instincts

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 09:42

Depending on where she lives a good chunk of that time could have been spent travelling.

He could easily have given her a cup of tea to help her sober up a little and check she was ok to be left.

Is he normally very conscientious?

I'd believe my DP if he told me this.

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 09:42

C1N1C · 18/12/2022 09:30

Wow, cynical. Don't get me wrong, something might have happened but how many marriages have broken up on here because of that influence of cynicism from others? You're basically saying a man can't be alone with a single woman for three hours and not want something. Could the same not be said for women? Granted, a man supposedly said that, but clearly not a representative man.

Show quote history

It was said about a very similar scenario. Not giving details, not relevant.

I'm not basically saying that, but I am saying that happily married men who have been on a works Christmas do and who have had a lovely evening but are now looking forward to getting home (which, let's face it, is how most of us feel about works dos), go home.

They might drop off a drunk colleague on the way but they don't offer to take them indoors, make tea for them and spend 3 hours chatting with them, all in the middle of the night without even communicating with their spouse where they are.

I'm saying that, if the scenario happened exactly as he described, he was probably hoping for more.

I'd say that as he turned up home, after 4am, describing what must have been a hellishly dull end to the evening for him, all smiling and jolly, then the night didn't pan out exactly as he described after all...

warofthemonstertrucks · 18/12/2022 09:51

I wouldn't believe him either tbh.

baileys6904 · 18/12/2022 10:28

Why are you tracking his location? Why would it be paused if you think he was in the house shagging her. Surely that would be a true location with no need to pause?

If he has a track history and that's why u track, then that's one thing. If you're tracking him because you don't trust him although he's done nothing wrong that's a different thing.
If my other half came in at 4.40am after a Xmas do, I wouldn't care. And to the poster who says a man will only put themselves out if they think they're gonna get something out of it, she needs to get new friends. There are actually nice people out there who are just kind without expectation

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 10:32

There are actually nice people out there who are just kind without expectation

Of course there are but at that time of night and in the circumstances described?

Purplecatshopaholic · 18/12/2022 10:34

He paused his location? That is suspicious behaviour for one. Plus the whole story sounds suspect. Something went on op. Sorry to say it. But he won’t be admitting it any time soon. What’s the rest of the relationship like - has he given you reason to not trust him?

category12 · 18/12/2022 10:34

The pausing his location history suggests something was up.

Does he have form for cheating?

boredOf · 18/12/2022 10:41

Definitely cheating.

WeakAsIAm · 18/12/2022 10:48

I agree it is all about the backstory, my son 19y takes home a female colleague when they are on shift together. He goes a little out of his way to drop her home as the alternative is she is waiting for a bus alone late at night. He has no expectations of this lady at all and just feels better knowing she is safe at home than out there at risk.
I do feel my husband would do the same and I don't have any issue with it, because I have no reason to disbelieve. Not all men are predatory.
I think there is a deeper reason that is causing you to be concerned.

baileys6904 · 18/12/2022 10:50

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 10:32

There are actually nice people out there who are just kind without expectation

Of course there are but at that time of night and in the circumstances described?

Absolutely.

OK whta if said drunk woman was left to get the taxi alone and was assaulted? (and that's happened to multiple women)? Or got home safe but was unable to get in the house in this weather? Or got to her door and was attacked (as happened recently) Or got in the house and choked on her own vomit? Or any other thing that may harm her. Should a man refuse to accompany her just because he's scared of the grief he will get? The fact that the op is tracking her partner eludes to history but the actions he's taken doesn't automatically mean he's cheated

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 10:51

category12 · 18/12/2022 10:34

The pausing his location history suggests something was up.

Does he have form for cheating?

Checking his location suggests there's something OP isn't telling us too, to be fair

BeggyMitchell · 18/12/2022 10:55

whattodo1975 · 18/12/2022 09:11

He should have left her drunk and alone and got his own taxi.

What !?

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