Should I trust him ?

[AuntieJen]

My husband went out on his work Christmas do which he tells me finished at 1am, but he didn’t return home until 4.40am. He tells me he was sharing a taxi with a co-worker as they were both going in the same direction, he was supposed to drop off first but says she was very drunk and didn’t want to leave her alone with the taxi driver after he got out so he took her home. He swears nothing happened said they went in had a cup of tea and chatted, and that her 21 year son was upstairs - my brain is telling me this doesn’t happen! He returned home being overly chatty and nice. His location had also been paused on his phone at 1.20am, said he didn’t know, well that can’t happen by itself can it? I am so upset it’s tearing me apart - I can’t live with someone that has been unfaithful to me. Any advice pls.

3 hours is a very long time to sit and chat with someone who is so drunk that they need help to get home.

Why are you tracking his location in the first place? I agree it sounds a bit weird how it all played out but it doesn't sound like this is a particularly trusting relationship anyway.

I don't do tracking of people but would that have paused if the phone died? How long would the taxi journey have taken?

I think you've presented it in a certain way where as it could actually be reasonably innocent depending on the above.

Do they turn off their location services if they’re nice though?

I missed the location thing when I posted

He returned home being overly chatty and nice.

Trust your instincts. If his behaviour just now is different to how he normally is with you it possible he's trying to hide his guilt.

Was there an awful lot of detail in his explanation?

If any of his story was true, I hope the woman was not too drunk to consent to whatever he may or may not have done.

I'd think a lot less of any male friend who said that. Get better friends.

Taking a drunk friend into their house to give them a cup of tea is perfectly normal and thoughtful - I've done it, DP's done it and we've had it done for us too. (In none of those cases was it a precursor to sex or even the hint of sex, despite MN's obsession with everything ever being about sex.) So this scenario wouldn't make me think twice. But then I also wouldn't be tracking DP, checking the times of what apps were on when, and in any case I'd be sound asleep between 1am and 4am if he was at a work party.

If I was on the way back from a party at 1am and stopped at a friend's for a cup of tea I wouldn't communicate that to DP because I'd assume he was sound asleep too.

But given the tracking etc there's obviously a back story of distrust in OP's relationship.

Part of me thinks he was being a gentleman but on the other side IF all he did was getting her home safe and her 21 year old was upstairs then he should have got her to the door and got the 21 year old to have tea with her and sober her up and continue on home himself in the cab.

I have no idea how or why people share locations or track them on phones so no idea what happens with pausing them etc.

This happened to me and yes he was cheating with her.

Also what's location and how do you know he turned it off? We're you tracking him?

@AuntieJen his story doesn’t add up. He could have just dropped her home and waited for her to go inside then continued on in the taxi himself. If her 21 year old son was there he didn’t need to stay with her for 3 hours. Also if she was that drunk seems strange she would be then able to chat for hours! I would not believe his story, sorry.

This.

I've got to agree with the others here. Sorry.

I had someone drop me home the other night, he went out of his way a bit, added about 40 minutes to his journey home. I had a train ticket but another colleague was having none of it. We had a good old chat in the car.

I find it really sad a man can't do a good thing without being accused of something. And if my husband/boyfriend/friend left a drunk female colleague to make her way home I'd be disappointed in them. I'm so grateful that my male colleagues thought of my safety the other night, it was bitterly cold too and the thought of changing trains 3 times was filling me with dread. I wasn't even that drunk so it really was them looking out for me as I was going to do it all on my own.

Did you bring him into your home for 3 hours in the middle of the night?

I guess you have options question him again. Watch his body language carefully. Or start to observe his behaviour more closely. Depending on the distance 4 hours late is quite something. Also ask him how he would feel if you were 4 hours late after hanging out at a male colleagues?

Trust your instincts

Sounds mightily suspect. His story doesn’t add up.

She was very drunk but they chatted for 3 hours? Nah...someone that drunk would just go to bed.

A gentleman would make sure a drunk colleague gets home safely, a gentleman wouldn't then spend hours with her when his wife is at home waiting for him.

There is a LOT of truth in this.

This doesn't feel like a man doing a good turn, far from it!

I'm so sorry OP you must be feeling awful today!

It sounds like you may not trust him anyway given you know his location at any time.

If his story was true he would’ve surely dropped her off at home and then gone home, not paid the taxi gone in with her, sat down and had a cup of tea with someone who was very drunk so they couldnt get home on their own, then got another taxi home. It doesn’t quite ring true sorry to say….

It sounds quite implausible to me, but I think i'd have had to give him the benefit of the doubt if it wasn't for the location pausing.

This is so blatantly dodgy there's no way I'd buy it. His location suddenly disappeared as he was approaching this woman's house.....well, goodness, what a coincidence!!

If he was slightly less thick he'd have realised how suspicious this would look.

I'm sorry OP, you must be devastated. You deserve so much better

If this man has never given any reason for you to think of him as a liar, why would you start now?I know several man who would have wanted to ensure that a drunk female colleague was safe!y inside her home. They might have even made her coffee if it were readily available. My brothers and cousins were reared to respond in that manner.

I never understand why women who are capable of interacting with males appropriately are often so quick to question their spouse or partner's ability to do the same. Why is the assumption always that something inappropriate must have happened ? Is he less moral than you or does he have less self control than you? If you were alone with a man other than your partner, would that mean that something sexual was happening?

Last winter, my boyfriend and I encountered a very drunk woman and her early 20s daughter coming home from the pub one evening at around midnight.

We both walked them home because the woman was too drunk to even stand so my boyfriend helped her. I walked and talked with her daughter who was, underatnadablt, distressed.

We made sure they got in the house ok and left.

My boyfriend would have done the same had I not been there.

What neither of us would have done is spend 3 hours sitting up chatting and drinking tea until the small hours.

The co-worker concerned allegedly had a 21 year old son at home who wouldn't not have let his mother drown on her own vomit etc.

The bottom line is rhat the facts of this particular story just do not add up.

Ensuring someone gets home safely at the end of the evening is not the same as then spending 3 hours chatting and drinking tea with someone who is, allegedly, so drunk they are unable to be left alone. People.in that state generally fall asleep/pass out very quickly. Not chat whilst drinking tea.

It sounds more like a story he's concocted on the way home to me.

I agree with @GreyCarpet men don’t put themselves out for women unless they’ve got some design on them.