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Original poster

Should I trust him ?

110 replies

AuntieJen · 18/12/2022 08:38

My husband went out on his work Christmas do which he tells me finished at 1am, but he didn’t return home until 4.40am. He tells me he was sharing a taxi with a co-worker as they were both going in the same direction, he was supposed to drop off first but says she was very drunk and didn’t want to leave her alone with the taxi driver after he got out so he took her home. He swears nothing happened said they went in had a cup of tea and chatted, and that her 21 year son was upstairs - my brain is telling me this doesn’t happen! He returned home being overly chatty and nice. His location had also been paused on his phone at 1.20am, said he didn’t know, well that can’t happen by itself can it? I am so upset it’s tearing me apart - I can’t live with someone that has been unfaithful to me. Any advice pls.

OP posts:
WalkingThroughTreacle · 18/12/2022 14:54

Seeing her home safely is something I would do. Spend three hours in her house though? Definitely not. I'd wait to make sure she got in and shut the door behind herself and then I'd head home. If I thought she was so drunk she really needed me to watch over her for 3 hours I'd probably take her to A&E.

All that said, we don't know your husband, we don't know this woman and we don't know the state of your relationship. You might as well ask us to speculate on the winner of the next Grand National for all the use it's going to be. If he did do anything sexual with her though, or even hoped to, you should absolutely leave him, not for being unfaithful but for being a predatory POS who is willing to take advantage of women so drunk they can't find their own way home. Presumably you'll already know if that is the kind of man he is.

Wellitjustgetsworse · 18/12/2022 14:57

Too many details implies a lie a lot of the time.. like others have said he should of dropped her home and carried on in the same taxi. Even in a drunk state you might be like ooo let's carry on the night but nah this storey doesn't make sense at all. Even if they did chat for 3 hours in early hours of the morning at her house that's something you'd do with someone you are very close too.

I think him saying her son was home is supposed to throw you off.

Wellitjustgetsworse · 18/12/2022 14:58

Ps check his boxers he wore.

Hellno44 · 18/12/2022 15:01

Wellitjustgetsworse · 18/12/2022 14:58

Ps check his boxers he wore.

🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢

Crazypaving22 · 18/12/2022 15:05

Even IF he was taking care of her, then he'd surely message to say where he was and explain, it's dodgy as.

I hope OP is ok. Flowers

Wellitjustgetsworse · 18/12/2022 15:07

Hellno44 · 18/12/2022 15:01

🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢

Show quote history

Yup but you'll know 😬

Andypandy799 · 18/12/2022 15:48

A drunk woman I know tried to drag me in a taxi to go back to hers and even as a single guy I refused even though I haven’t had my leg over for a while.

Why? Because it’s a safeguarding issue and I don’t want the police at my door the next day in case she woke up with regret or without any memory. Whatever reason he shared a taxi he should not of went in the house as a married man. I’m sorry but even if she didn’t sleep with him your husband certainly wanted something to happen. He may be playing stupid but he’s fucked up big time imho

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 15:51

Andypandy799 · 18/12/2022 15:48

A drunk woman I know tried to drag me in a taxi to go back to hers and even as a single guy I refused even though I haven’t had my leg over for a while.

Why? Because it’s a safeguarding issue and I don’t want the police at my door the next day in case she woke up with regret or without any memory. Whatever reason he shared a taxi he should not of went in the house as a married man. I’m sorry but even if she didn’t sleep with him your husband certainly wanted something to happen. He may be playing stupid but he’s fucked up big time imho

Incredible that you only said no in case you got arrested, not because you would never take advantage of a woman who's not in a fit state to consent.

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 15:56

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 15:51

Incredible that you only said no in case you got arrested, not because you would never take advantage of a woman who's not in a fit state to consent.

Show quote history

A drunk woman I know tried to drag me in a taxi to go back to hers and even as a single guy I refused even though I haven’t had my leg over for a while.

Tbh, that sounds pretty consenting to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ and he did the right thing. I never cease to be amazed at the acrobatics some people on here perform to make all women victims and all men predators.

Mom2K · 18/12/2022 16:01

I don't understand why anyone is saying that if he hasn't cheated before they would believe him.

You do know that all cheaters have a first time right?

Is your husband an incredibly stupid man who is prone to making bad judgment calls? Because anyone with a modicum of sense would know how this would appear to their spouse especially if there was no communication with you about what was happening and why he'd be late - and if you were ok with it. If he's not a stupid man then he is a liar. End of.

If there had been trust in the marriage before this point, there wouldn't be for me now. As others have pointed out, his story doesn't add up. There was no legitimate reason to go into her house and stay after dropping her off.

I feel for you OP. Don't doubt your intuition :(

Mari9999 · 18/12/2022 16:06

Eaten too many roses
It seems that you only know certain kind of men. I might be good to widen your circle to include better quality men with a bit more character.

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 16:21

Mari9999 · 18/12/2022 16:06

Eaten too many roses
It seems that you only know certain kind of men. I might be good to widen your circle to include better quality men with a bit more character.

I think if the OP had come on here saying that her husband had ensured this co-worker got home safely and had seen her through her front door before returning home and was asking if she could trust him, the responses would have been unanimously, "Your husband did a lovely thing. What a gentleman! You're being paranoid."

It's the addition of the managing to sit up drinking tea and chatting with her for 3 hours when she was also allegedly so drunk that she might have choked on her own vomit (as someone else suggested) that makes his account unbelievable.

I've been very drunk. I've had friends get me home safely. I've also been passed out snoring, still dressed on my bed within minutes. I'd not have been able.to entertain someone for 3 hours with my scintillating wit and charming conversation...

That's what makes his story unbelievable. The two halves don't make sense.

Either she was capable of 3 hours of conversation or she was so drunk she needed someone to get her home safely. The two are pretty mutually exclusive in my experience.

Newwardrobe · 18/12/2022 16:35

Why did he need to tell the op that this woman's son was at home? He obviously knows this sounds dodgy and so is trying to mitigate the situation.

Original poster
AuntieJen · 18/12/2022 19:03

Thank you for all your messages and advice. I don’t track my husband it’s just that our daughter is on an app called Life 360 and she has us both as a contact so we can see where she is at all times for safety reasons, but she can see us too and she had a notification to say that dad had turned off his location. I have never had need to doubt him and would never track him as I trusted him implicitly and he does me too. We have a good relationship and I thought we were very happy together, that’s why it has hit me like a lightening bolt out of the blue, he still maintains his innocence and is begging me to forgive him for going in saying he can wholly see my point. I’m not a stupid person and yes I am going to follow my instincts, it’s the location pausing that’s getting to me, otherwise I might have believed him knowing what a caring person he is. I am devastated and hurting but going to try to put it to the side until after Christmas as I don’t want to ruin Christmas for our children, it wouldn’t be fair for them. Thanks again all it has helped as I needed someone to talk to.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 19:10

she had a notification to say that dad had turned off his location

So sorry, OP. He can protest his innocence (and he will do) till the cows come home but turning his location of is very dodgy and the rest of his story goes beyond 'caring' for a co-worker.

What reason did he give for turning his location off?

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 18/12/2022 19:18

If my DH told me this I would believe him. He's helped female colleagues when they've been drunk but he wouldn't have sat drinking tea with them.

monsteramunch · 18/12/2022 19:30

What reason did he give for turning his location off?

Yeah how did it try to explain this away OP?

TheQueenOfHearts · 18/12/2022 19:33

Very brave and graceful of you to leave it until after Christmas OP. I hope all gets sorted, in time.

Original poster
AuntieJen · 18/12/2022 19:39

He said he didn’t turn it off doesn’t know how to do it, I’ve checked daughters phone it was paused at 1.26am. I’ve made my mind up I definitely don’t believe him and can not forgive him, whether he was or wasn’t unfaithful. It’s all too much and story doesn’t stack up

OP posts:
Bigjigwig · 18/12/2022 20:00

@AuntieJen his story really isn’t ringing true. He really didn’t need to stay for 3 hours did he? Also the fact he turned off his location at that time in the morning when he was up “talking” to another woman at that time in the morning says it all. Just remember most men who have been up to no good will lie lie and lie some more. And this woman probably won’t tell you the truth either.

OldFan · 18/12/2022 20:32

It's not unusual for people to track their friends/partners nowadays.

People turn it off if they don't want their OH to know what they're doing (i.e, they're cheating.)

He could presumably have dropped the woman off and even sat her in her front room or whatever, and still be home hours earlier than he was.

candycane10 · 18/12/2022 20:49

whattodo1975 · 18/12/2022 09:11

He should have left her drunk and alone and got his own taxi.

Nobody is saying he should've done this. He should've made sure she for home safe but there was no need to go into her house for tea and a chat, especially if her 21 yr old son was upstairs

Timeforaswim · 18/12/2022 23:59

But I don't understand why turning off the location is relevant. He told you where he was anyway...
Him showing the location would only have confirmed what he told you.
It doesn't make sense that that should worry you. Unless you don't believe he was at this woman's house and had gone to a strip club for example.
Or am I missing something?

girlmom21 · 19/12/2022 01:12

Timeforaswim · 18/12/2022 23:59

But I don't understand why turning off the location is relevant. He told you where he was anyway...
Him showing the location would only have confirmed what he told you.
It doesn't make sense that that should worry you. Unless you don't believe he was at this woman's house and had gone to a strip club for example.
Or am I missing something?

Or doesn't want her to know where the woman lives?

Geppili · 19/12/2022 01:18

"He returned home being overly chatty and nice."

He doth protest too much.