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Original poster

Should I trust him ?

110 replies

AuntieJen · 18/12/2022 08:38

My husband went out on his work Christmas do which he tells me finished at 1am, but he didn’t return home until 4.40am. He tells me he was sharing a taxi with a co-worker as they were both going in the same direction, he was supposed to drop off first but says she was very drunk and didn’t want to leave her alone with the taxi driver after he got out so he took her home. He swears nothing happened said they went in had a cup of tea and chatted, and that her 21 year son was upstairs - my brain is telling me this doesn’t happen! He returned home being overly chatty and nice. His location had also been paused on his phone at 1.20am, said he didn’t know, well that can’t happen by itself can it? I am so upset it’s tearing me apart - I can’t live with someone that has been unfaithful to me. Any advice pls.

OP posts:
Andypandy799 · 19/12/2022 01:38

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 15:51

Incredible that you only said no in case you got arrested, not because you would never take advantage of a woman who's not in a fit state to consent.

Show quote history

Are you not missing my point are both not the same thing? I wouldn’t take advantage as you can’t consent when drunk

Andypandy799 · 19/12/2022 01:39

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 15:56

A drunk woman I know tried to drag me in a taxi to go back to hers and even as a single guy I refused even though I haven’t had my leg over for a while.

Tbh, that sounds pretty consenting to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ and he did the right thing. I never cease to be amazed at the acrobatics some people on here perform to make all women victims and all men predators.

Show quote history

Thank you I thought I was quite clear I wouldn’t sleep with a drunk woman no matter how much she tried

JustKittenAround · 19/12/2022 02:49

Seems to be very bad since he turned off his location…

im so very sorry OP but the whole thing doesn’t make sense and it seems he’s taken some low hanging fruit and expected you to be a big dummy about it.

I hope you don’t let him near you sexually. He hasn’t seemed to be very good with judgement and I’d hate for you to have even a small chance of catching something that could limit your future prospects.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 19/12/2022 03:07

Timeforaswim · 18/12/2022 23:59

But I don't understand why turning off the location is relevant. He told you where he was anyway...
Him showing the location would only have confirmed what he told you.
It doesn't make sense that that should worry you. Unless you don't believe he was at this woman's house and had gone to a strip club for example.
Or am I missing something?

Youre right it doesnt make sense he turned off his location. So he is lying. Or he could jist not have wanted interruptingo?

Celeste777 · 19/12/2022 04:25

Sorry OP. It's cut and dried, and he's thick as two short planks.

Shoxfordian · 19/12/2022 04:48

I’m sorry too op; I would be suspicious about this- dropping her home was fine but then spending three hours there allegedly drinking tea isn’t ok. Don’t let him minimise this because it’s Christmas

Redruby2020 · 19/12/2022 05:08

@LorenzoVonMatterhorn Interrupting from what?

Redruby2020 · 19/12/2022 05:20

It would also depend where the works do took place, how long it took for a taxi, how far it is from where the do was, to this woman's place? Because say for example that took up an hour at least, then he dropped her to her place got her in made sure she was okay etc, stopped off for a cuppa. Then how far is it from her place to your home? Because then he would of had to of got a taxi from there to home, again adding on even more time.

The location thing, when you said paused at 1.26am, when was it showing again next? Or is that unknown? Does it show you history or only current location at the time you check it? I don't know as i am not familiar with these things.
So are we to assume that around the time his paused, that is when he got to his destination? So either he has gone back to hers and doesn't want you to know where she lives, or he has gone elsewhere and the story is a cover up.

Again like others have said, she was too drunk, but what? Sobered up once indoors enough to sit for at least a couple of hours chatting, i'm really not sure about that!
I mean i can think of times i or those I know have sat up when we've got back to somewhere or gone to the others home etc, and chatted away. But then this depends on the situation and the set up.

I hate this with phones where things happen and the guys will say 'I didn't do anything to it, I don't know how that happened' when settings etc are changed 🙄

Opentooffers · 19/12/2022 05:44

Turning off his location makes it look bad. He's daft for doing it even if up to no good. If you were being caring and kind, you'd see them to the door and get back in the same taxi.
I'm sorry, you must be feeling like shit. Its the continued sticking on the same path and coming up with further excuses like "I don't know how to do it, so it must of happened by itself". That must be frustrating. Once he's decided to lie it's hard to stop and leads to more lies to cover. The happiness on return makes it worse.
People who decide to lie tend to stick as near to the truth as possible. So going to her house, probably true, just drinking tea, doubtful. Premeditated turning off location- yea, he did that.
He might have been happy initially, however, see how he is in the ensuing days - guilt isn't all that fun in the end and realisation of what you could lose or how you may at best irrevocably change your relationship, may well start to show on him.

Weatherwax13 · 19/12/2022 06:03

I always knew my ex was lying when there were too many unrequested details. Dead give away. Overly chatty and volunteering all sorts of minutiae I hadn't given a thought to until he started going on. All in answer to a general question like "hey, why are you so late? Did everything go OK?"
Sounds like you know your DH well enough to sense the same thing. Really sorry OP.

WandaWonder · 19/12/2022 06:08

Sure I get people track each other, I find that weird my husband is grown up same as me

I think if you track each other you will always find ways for the tracking to show something you can be suspiciou of if you try hard enough

Op I presume you dont trust him microchipped or not?

Maybe if you trust each other you won't give each other suspicion?

pinkfondu · 19/12/2022 06:12

He's made such a thing about her being so drunk I hope he's not got to be getting a knock on the door from the police!

MsDogLady · 19/12/2022 06:16

Jen, he clearly wanted to invest in 3 hours of late night 1:1 time with this woman, and thought you’d passively accept his KISA/tea drinking story. I wouldn’t.

MistyRock · 19/12/2022 06:33

Newwardrobe · 18/12/2022 14:18

A gentleman would make sure a drunk colleague gets home safely, a gentleman wouldn't then spend hours with her when his wife is at home waiting for him.

Agreed, he'd make sure she got in her front door then be off. I wouldn't be impressed if my husband went in, hung out drinking tea for 3 hours then came home. He wouldn't be impressed if I did the same with a male colleague. Also the man is putting himself in a vulnerable situation (If she was very drunk), anything could happen and it would her word against his.

crispsandnuts · 19/12/2022 06:49

Call him out, just make out you know more than you do on the lines of 'I now know exactly what happened' he'll either look very guilty and confess or look genuinely confused.

I did this with exDH, I only knew half of what he had done but made out I knew the lot, he had a mad panic where I got this information and I enjoyed watching him flap in desperation.

Sux2buthen · 19/12/2022 07:20

WandaWonder · 19/12/2022 06:08

Sure I get people track each other, I find that weird my husband is grown up same as me

I think if you track each other you will always find ways for the tracking to show something you can be suspiciou of if you try hard enough

Op I presume you dont trust him microchipped or not?

Maybe if you trust each other you won't give each other suspicion?

Maybe read the posts re tracking?

BecauseICan22 · 19/12/2022 07:28

GreyCarpet · 18/12/2022 09:24

To quote a male friend of mine, "No man would put himself out that much for a woman unless he at least hoped something was going to happen. He might not expect it but he'd certainly hope."

If she was so drunk she needed assistance into the house, then I doubt she'd have also been capable of sitting around drinking tea and chatting for 3 hours...

You don't have the truth about what happened that night.

As an aside, this is so very sad. My DH would absolutely put himself out for a woman to ensure she got home safely. And I know for a fact he wouldn't assume anything is going to come of it. He'd merely be doing the right thing, especially if the female was in some way vulnerable.

We all remember Sarah Everard.

Timeforaswim · 19/12/2022 08:03

I'll go against the grain here...unless he's usually monumentally thick..and tend to believe him.

Surely if he was doing something dodgy he would have lied and said he took a make colleague home or gone to a nightclub....then turning off location would make sense...

But he's told you the worst of it...ie he was with a woman in her house for three hours ..... and if he'd left location services on them that would have borne it out and not made you suspicious

You say he's usually kind and caring...and you trust him. Maybe just maybe he was tipsy too and lost track of time.

Possibly I'm too trusting...and I have no idea how 365 works. Why don't you ask him for her number and see what you can gauge from her? Just seems overboard to finish it on the basis of location being turned off.

GreyCarpet · 19/12/2022 11:14

BecauseICan22 · 19/12/2022 07:28

As an aside, this is so very sad. My DH would absolutely put himself out for a woman to ensure she got home safely. And I know for a fact he wouldn't assume anything is going to come of it. He'd merely be doing the right thing, especially if the female was in some way vulnerable.

We all remember Sarah Everard.

Show quote history

And it was necessary for him to spend 3 hours in her flat drinking tea and chatting when she was allegedly so inebriated she couldn't get home alone?

That's the bit that doesn't add up. Not the part where he helped a drunk woman get home safely.

barclay20q · 19/12/2022 11:41

@AuntieJen

One thing about Life360 is that it does, from time to time pause or fall off.

I have had this and seen it for myself. Im not saying thats what happened, but just that it is possible that he didn't know that it had stopped.

bjrce · 19/12/2022 11:50

What I would do in this situation is:

Confront your DH, tell him you want proof that he is telling the truth. Tell him if it is all innocent, he won't have any problem confirming his story - tell him you want to speak to the lady in question - to get her on the phone to confirm his story - ( Don't give him any chance to get their story's straight).

Obviously you have no intention of following through on this - but his reaction ( and refusal to do so!). will tell you everything.

He is lying! I am really sorry.

MistyRock · 19/12/2022 14:09

GreyCarpet · 19/12/2022 11:14

And it was necessary for him to spend 3 hours in her flat drinking tea and chatting when she was allegedly so inebriated she couldn't get home alone?

That's the bit that doesn't add up. Not the part where he helped a drunk woman get home safely.

Show quote history

Exactly, surely that's the actions of a man wanting something in return? A decent man would check she got through the front door and leave it that that. Lines can get crossed where drink is involved.

GreyCarpet · 19/12/2022 14:40

MistyRock · 19/12/2022 14:09

Exactly, surely that's the actions of a man wanting something in return? A decent man would check she got through the front door and leave it that that. Lines can get crossed where drink is involved.

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I think so too.

Either, she wasn't that drunk after all or she was and he was hoping to get a return on his investment.

A decent man wouldn't put himself in that position because he'd want to be in control of the situation and not be in the position of either doing something he shouldn't or fending off the potential advances of a drunken colleague.

MistyRock · 19/12/2022 14:53

GreyCarpet · 19/12/2022 14:40

I think so too.

Either, she wasn't that drunk after all or she was and he was hoping to get a return on his investment.

A decent man wouldn't put himself in that position because he'd want to be in control of the situation and not be in the position of either doing something he shouldn't or fending off the potential advances of a drunken colleague.

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We are on the same page. 😊

username12192 · 19/12/2022 22:47

AuntieJen · 18/12/2022 19:39

He said he didn’t turn it off doesn’t know how to do it, I’ve checked daughters phone it was paused at 1.26am. I’ve made my mind up I definitely don’t believe him and can not forgive him, whether he was or wasn’t unfaithful. It’s all too much and story doesn’t stack up

Then unfortunately, regardless of whether he is telling the truth or not, the trust is gone.

I'd be interested to know if this is the first time you've doubted him? Or whether there are other things that have made you question his faithfulness recently?

There is a chance he is telling the truth but it all sounds a bit fishy. His location conveniently turning off. Him dropping her off but stayed for 3 hours, despite saying that she was very drunk. So why did he stay for that long if she was that drunk? Surely she would have just wanted to go to sleep?.

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