I am a divorced man. I am single, and live in the Philippines. Last Christmas I had a girlfriend, this year I am 'all alone'. I do however have a 'close friend', whom I first met in May and we live a couple of hours' flight apart. Said friend has had plans to visit the UK over Christmas/New Year since before I knew her.
About a month ago my ex-wife (also from the Philippines) told me that she had received a court order to leave our former marital home (4 bedroom, rented) by the middle of January. Bearing in mind she had been first told to leave in May but had not found anywhere to stay, possibly due to being on Universal Credit (as well as working full time), I said 'well why don't I come and help you find somewhere' and stay there over Christmas, which made sense also as I can see my parents and son, whom I haven't seen since the beginning of 2020 (my daughter came to stay over summer in 2021 and 2022 for two months each time). She said 'I'll ask my boyfriend if that's ok', and she came back and said 'it is'.
So I booked return flights to the UK from the beginning of December returning in the middle of January and have been here for 2 weeks now. I have found a place for her to stay, although it is not clear if we will be accepted (I have offered to pay six months rent in advance and provide a guarantor), we will hear on Monday.
My friend is a workaholic and it's not particularly suitable for me to visit her where she lives in that she lives in a house-share mid week and with her parents on the weekend, so if I took a flight to see her for no reason she wouldn't have a lot of time to see me. So she is coming to the UK for a holiday.
I said to her 'the weather is shit in the UK, why don't we go to Morocco together', and we are doing that for 10 days over New Year. That is settled and not an issue, though my daughter did complain initially - why was I not spending the time with her - in fact it should not be an issue in that my son will be back from uni and therefore my ex is relatively free to do what she wants with her boyfriend and then I have checked my flights back to Asia, and I can change them free of charge, so I will end up staying longer (if my ex wants me to!) until she has a new place to stay.
I said to my friend 'you can come and stay with me over Christmas'. Which is a bit awkward in that I haven't asked my ex about this, so:
- my ex is quite tired from work etc. but today finished for the year, and is going to stay with her boyfriend tomorrow till Monday. On Monday HOPEFULLY she will be able to sign a contract for a house, but that's far from clear.
- I haven't mentioned to my ex about my friend coming to stay AT ALL, but I mentioned about my parents coming over for Christmas and she said 'no, I don't want that while I don't know where I'm going to stay next year' and then she said 'why don't they invite you over?'
I could suggest to my parents that we go over there - they are 100% aware of the situation with my 'close friend', but they are somewhat aged (71) and it's not really clear whether they want Christmas guests, or less still if for example I said nothing till next Tuesday before saying 'uh, would it be ok if I stayed at your place from the 24th to the 27th with my friend & children'. There is another issue with the children, in that our son (20, at university) is autistic and tends to be a bit upset about things which he perceives to be other than as they should be (he likes having people to talk to, so I'm sure there wouldn't be an issue with having an extra Christmas guest), i.e. he previously said 'oh I'm not sure about coming home for Christmas because I spent 15 Christmases in that house and this will be the last one', but he has come to terms with that so to say 'actually we are not going do Christmas here' might not be ideal. So I have offered to pick him up from uni next Wednesday, which he was pleased about because he had some previous issues where he had some mental health problems and asked my ex to pick him up and she was unable to do so and he ended up asking a friend to do so....
So in that sense I could ask my parents 'can I, children + friend come and stay', but I am sure my children would be happiest spending Christmas with both parents at the same address (my parents live 45 minutes away, so it's not TOO far, but it's not the same thing really), and if I said 'we can all go stay there for the 24th till 27th', then I'm sure my children would also want to see their mother.
Our daughter is 15 and met my friend a couple of times over the summer, and my friend was nice to my daughter, buying her a gift, buying and decorating her room for her birthday and taking her to get her hair done. However, I mentioned to her about my friend staying over Christmas and she said 'no, she's annoying', or words to that effect. I discussed it with her first, because I thought that my ex would ask her. I think there's a bit of an issue in that my ex is working class and down-to-earth and this other woman earns much more, has two degrees, has a large disposable income and spends lots of money on her appearance, and is somewhat prim (she has a bit of a thing about Jane Austen etc.), and my daughter said 'mummy is prettier than her'. My daughter asked me earlier 'when are you going to see her?' 'I said 'we are going to the ballet on the 23rd', and my daughter said 'that's quite close to Christmas'
I suppose I should have thought a bit harder before inviting her to stay, but I didn't think it through very carefully.
WWYD?
P.S. I'm not really sure to what extent my friend is really cognizant of the mechanics of this, she as asked me about Christmas gifts for my parents and children but although she knows I am 'helping my ex find a new place to stay', I don't think she's necessarily thought 'oh yes, I am going to spend 4 days with my friend's ex-wife over Christmas'.