Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am fucking livid

105 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:11

My lovely nephew has been coming for tea once a week for the last few weeks. He is 8, loves coming here and we love to have him.

A family member told me yesterday my other nephew (his younger brother), was really poorly, had been for a week. Hot, twisty, not eating, clingy etc.

Dp rang mil last night to see how nephew was. Told he is much better. Nephew coming for tea today has been fine, he is okay, so looking forward to coming, would be so upset not to come.

We really needed to know how both kids are, given covid, strep and other illnesses as I am immune suppressed. Also I don’t want the kids to be ill, especially with Christmas around the corner.

nephew came for 3 hours, played with my kids, had tea. Didn’t eat as much as normal. Told me he had diarrhoea yesterday and was sick the day before. He looked washed out so I took his temperature. 38.6.

I am fuming!! Fuming mil blatantly lied so he could come here (he was sick at her house). That they sent him to school yesterday and today when infectious.

Obviously his happiness coming here trumps our health.

wtaf.

OP posts:
froghead · 13/12/2022 21:21

Absolutely shocking. Have immune suppressed family members, many nice events have been cancelled or postponed to protect those of us that need it. I would be fuming too. So sorry Op.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:27

@froghead thank you. I just feel I need some recognition from someone as to why I am so angry about it.

I just feel they were so incredibly selfish

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 13/12/2022 21:29

It’s very selfish behaviour. Sorry but people need to stop sending sick kids to people’s houses. Especially immunosuppressed people’s houses.

DuckDuckNo · 13/12/2022 21:31

Incredibly selfish of them.

froghead · 13/12/2022 21:34

They were very selfish. As a family we always discuss with full honesty and openness if someone is unwell then people can make their own decisions as to what risk they want to take. I think that's the right thing to do.

LlareggubTripAdviser · 13/12/2022 21:35

Why are you speaking to MIL about her GRANDSON and not his parents ???

AuditAngel · 13/12/2022 21:37

DD2 is currently performing in panto, she had a heavy cold, which I medicated, then she threw up. I kept her out for 48 hours, although she may have been infectious before vomiting. Since then another 4 have come down with vomiting, and been back far quicker.

my mum was immuno compromised. You have my sympathy. We had many an argument where I refused to expose the children to potential infection, usually because I had to deal with the subsequent illness!

VioletLemon · 13/12/2022 21:39

Not acceptable at all.
I'd be completely raging too. Disgustingly selfish, thick and displays no self awareness. Hope you are all okay.

thenewduchessoflapland · 13/12/2022 21:40

LlareggubTripAdviser · 13/12/2022 21:35

Why are you speaking to MIL about her GRANDSON and not his parents ???

Maybe MIL has custody of her grandsons?

I know 2 grandparents (from separate families) who are raising their grandchildren.

MadameDe · 13/12/2022 21:44

I feel your pain slightly. I work in a school and this sort of thing happens all the time. It really passes me off as a non-immune suppressed person (I've been unwel for the past 6 weeks with everything the kids have).

I can imagine stressful it must be, especially considering what's going around. I hope you don't catch anything from this. It's really inconsiderate.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:46

thank you all for understanding. Honestly!

dp is playing it down saying things like, ‘they just don’t get it’. Oh what, they don’t get I don’t leave the house and live a miserable life because I have a compromised immune system?

I text mil. I was polite but put my point firmly across. She text back saying he car was broken!! As if I care about that right now.

dp ended up ringing her after a LOT of earache from me. No apology, tbh, don’t even think the penny dropped. I want to say thick, but how can she be, she worked in an office in a good job.

dp asked how both nephews were. Younger nephew has been very poorly, dp asked what his temperature had been. They don’t know, never owned a thermometer! How can you have kids and not have one?

thick as f*

OP posts:
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:48

In my text I asked her why she hadn’t mentioned he had been sick, she said there wasn’t loads of it

OP posts:
britsabroad · 13/12/2022 21:49

Argh I would be really peed off too. I don't know why anyone thinks this acceptable. We went to a toddlers birthday party last weekend. One of the kids had been sick for a week with flu. He was obviously better but not 100%. Whilst we were there I was talking to someone, turned round and saw the mum of the 'sick' kid give her kids drink bottle to my son to drink out of. WTAF. I was so mad. We are spending Christmas at my mums who's recovering from cancer and the last thing anyone needs is a sick toddler. Absolute d**ks. They also sent same kid to nursery with a fever (just gave him calpol) - not even a childcare issue as one parent doesn't work - they just couldn't be arsed to look after him and most likely infected all the other kids just in time for Christmas. So bloody selfish.

alpenguin · 13/12/2022 21:53

Unfortunately people don’t care. Remember when we kept sick kids off school and didn’t go to work if we were ill? Not anymore covid played right into the hands of the neoliberal elite. No sick days ever now just sick workers and sick school kids.

I too am immunosupressed and I just have to accept now that society doesn’t care if I live or die and that while they want me to stay at home so they can live their lives with freedom, they also refuse to let me stay at home safe because then I’m considered a scrounger and ought to be out at work. We can’t win OP

I hope you stay well.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:56

Oh yes and to add, my sil doesn’t work. Could have had him at home.

OP posts:
carefulcalculator · 13/12/2022 22:09

That is dreadful.

Can you do anything that will piss off your MIL but not the kids, as it is not their fault? I would stop bloody seeing her for a bit!

The kids are old enough to tell you their health status themselves, you could try explaining to them why you need extra care.

humdingle · 13/12/2022 22:16

They should have been honest about him being sick but…

why are you having a go at MIL rather than the boy’s parents? You mention SIL so they are obviously in the picture..?

and you’re being OTT about not having a thermometer. You can feel the back of a child’s neck to gauge if they have a temperature; you don’t need to know it to one decimal place.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 22:26

Mil has older nephew every weekend and picks him up from school and drops at sil. She had him from Thursday because younger nephew is poorly.

I am angry at both but mil for lying about him being fine, then asked about it played it down.

Personally I do not know how anyone can get through having young kids without a thermometer. Yeah they may feel hot - but how hot. How do you know how poorly they are without one? My dd11 was blue lighted with temp in the 40’s not long ago. How would I possibly have known how bad it was without a thermometer?

OP posts:
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 22:27

Sorry, ds was blue lighted

OP posts:
Allsnotwell · 13/12/2022 22:30

Well you know what to get her for Christmas.

Wibbly1008 · 13/12/2022 22:32

Tell her you can’t have him next week as you are all sick and you can’t see mil at Christmas as you are all ill. even if you are not sick, you have to play this out now.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 22:42

Wibbly1008 · 13/12/2022 22:32

Tell her you can’t have him next week as you are all sick and you can’t see mil at Christmas as you are all ill. even if you are not sick, you have to play this out now.

I thought that myself tbh, might do it

OP posts:
custardbear · 13/12/2022 22:44

Clearly they wanted to do their thing and do t give a hoot about you and your family

Watapalava · 13/12/2022 22:53

I’ve got 3 kids 15-18 and have never once taken their temp

even doctors tell you to go by ‘hot to touch’

you sound really dramatic

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 23:12

Watapalava · 13/12/2022 22:53

I’ve got 3 kids 15-18 and have never once taken their temp

even doctors tell you to go by ‘hot to touch’

you sound really dramatic

Yes they do. They also take their temperature don’t they!

Don’t tell me, you are offended by what I said because you have kids and don’t own a thermometer…

Given what I said about ds being blue lighted - because of his temperature, how could you, I or a health professional know how high it was without one? 🙄

OP posts: