Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am fucking livid

105 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:11

My lovely nephew has been coming for tea once a week for the last few weeks. He is 8, loves coming here and we love to have him.

A family member told me yesterday my other nephew (his younger brother), was really poorly, had been for a week. Hot, twisty, not eating, clingy etc.

Dp rang mil last night to see how nephew was. Told he is much better. Nephew coming for tea today has been fine, he is okay, so looking forward to coming, would be so upset not to come.

We really needed to know how both kids are, given covid, strep and other illnesses as I am immune suppressed. Also I don’t want the kids to be ill, especially with Christmas around the corner.

nephew came for 3 hours, played with my kids, had tea. Didn’t eat as much as normal. Told me he had diarrhoea yesterday and was sick the day before. He looked washed out so I took his temperature. 38.6.

I am fuming!! Fuming mil blatantly lied so he could come here (he was sick at her house). That they sent him to school yesterday and today when infectious.

Obviously his happiness coming here trumps our health.

wtaf.

OP posts:
Bestcatmum · 14/12/2022 13:03

That is really really shit and selfish.
I have a new nephew, a week old, I work in the NHS and I've arranged with Dsis to isolate for a week (I have annual leave to take) before I go down there in order to protect them all from whatever there is at work at the moment.
But that's what you do when you care about people, you don't just dump your germs on them so you can have a nice time.
I'd be furious.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 14/12/2022 15:18

nordicwannabe · 14/12/2022 09:52

I wouldn't lie to MIL that you have fallen ill. That's the wrong way to go.

It also won't work since she will convince herself that you could have caught it from anyone, it probably wasn't from DNephew, and it's a good thing she sent him since you would have been ill anyway and he would have missed out for no reason. It's incredible the way the mind can twist things to avoid feeling guilty!

Your aim should be for her to understand the gravity of her actions and not do it again. The only way to do that is for her to feel the consequence herself.

I'd refuse DNephew next week, and tell MIL completely factually that it is because she lied to you last week. Given that you are immunosuppressed, you catch illnesses easily. You try to balance the risk against still doing fun things. But since she lied, you can't trust her not to be lying again. And you're not willing to miss Christmas with your family due to her lies.

Short words and sentences. Use the word 'lies' lots. Any argument she tries, you repeat 'but you lied to me last week, and I can't trust you not to be lying to me again. I' m not willing to risk being ill'

She will get upset, but hopefully will never pull a stunt like this again. (do get your DH on board for this approach first - it's fairly nuclear!)

Shame for your DNephew, but that's on your MIL, not you. You are doing what is necessary.

And I really hope you and your kids don't get ill.

Thank you, I did as much spell out I need to be told in my texts last night, did use the word lie though, might do that.

She hasn’t replied to my last message.

OP posts:
RandomPerson42 · 14/12/2022 15:24

They clearly do not give a hsit about your medical condition.

Unfortunately if it was me then I would permantently cease all their visits completely due to this.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 14/12/2022 15:24

FatEaredFuck · 14/12/2022 10:18

Over 43! My son gets v hot when he's sick but never that febrile. Poor lad. What was wrong with him?

I don't know why you're getting backlash on here, it was awful to send him round when you're immunocompromised. But considering how ghastly your in laws sound, it's lovely for your nephew to get a little respite at your home Flowers

This is how I feel, I just want to know he is well fed and happy, I worry about him.

They never did find out what was wrong with him, the hospital seemed as confused as the paramedic and I. Was scary for us all. He does run at a warmer temperature than his twin sister. She will have thick duvet and blanket on top, ds has summer duvet and no pj’s and still gets hot!!

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/12/2022 18:03

I had a temp of 42 degrees once whilst pregnant with my son. I felt rough but not "on deaths door" rough. Was still up and about taking care of toddler DD, took her to preschool and just thought I had a whopper of a cold. Ended up taking my temp out of curiosity to discover it was that high. Ended up in hospital and them desperately trying to get my temp down (turned out I had pancreatitis)

So, I am firmly in the thermometers are vital camp, and check my kids every time they say they feel unwell. I couldnt trust how me, a 30yo adult (at the time) felt myself, let alone trust temp checking the kids just by touch.

OP, I hope none of you get sick now. Your inlaws were stupid and idiotic as is SIL for sending her kid to school in the first place.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread