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Original poster

I am fucking livid

105 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:11

My lovely nephew has been coming for tea once a week for the last few weeks. He is 8, loves coming here and we love to have him.

A family member told me yesterday my other nephew (his younger brother), was really poorly, had been for a week. Hot, twisty, not eating, clingy etc.

Dp rang mil last night to see how nephew was. Told he is much better. Nephew coming for tea today has been fine, he is okay, so looking forward to coming, would be so upset not to come.

We really needed to know how both kids are, given covid, strep and other illnesses as I am immune suppressed. Also I don’t want the kids to be ill, especially with Christmas around the corner.

nephew came for 3 hours, played with my kids, had tea. Didn’t eat as much as normal. Told me he had diarrhoea yesterday and was sick the day before. He looked washed out so I took his temperature. 38.6.

I am fuming!! Fuming mil blatantly lied so he could come here (he was sick at her house). That they sent him to school yesterday and today when infectious.

Obviously his happiness coming here trumps our health.

wtaf.

OP posts:
BertaHoon · 13/12/2022 23:24

I paid £50 for an ear thermometer. It reads us as hypothermic every time.

Yes we've read the instructions.

As my GP said, you can't trust them.

You know if your child has a raised temperature or fever by touching them.

I think you're overreacting slightly. Child was ill. It happens. I too have an immune deficiency disorder.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 23:56

@BertaHoon faulty maybe?

yes, I agree. Kids get poorly, I have 3.

what bothers me and angers me that dp specifically rang mil last night to find out if he was poorly and we were told no. He’s absolutely fine.

A blatant lie so he could still come. That is completely different. It was our decision to make, we made it without knowing the facts even after asking.

OP posts:
mackthepony · 13/12/2022 23:58

Yeah, I'd be ripping

Livelovebehappy · 14/12/2022 00:06

Workinghardeveryday · 13/12/2022 21:46

thank you all for understanding. Honestly!

dp is playing it down saying things like, ‘they just don’t get it’. Oh what, they don’t get I don’t leave the house and live a miserable life because I have a compromised immune system?

I text mil. I was polite but put my point firmly across. She text back saying he car was broken!! As if I care about that right now.

dp ended up ringing her after a LOT of earache from me. No apology, tbh, don’t even think the penny dropped. I want to say thick, but how can she be, she worked in an office in a good job.

dp asked how both nephews were. Younger nephew has been very poorly, dp asked what his temperature had been. They don’t know, never owned a thermometer! How can you have kids and not have one?

thick as f*

Give over. A lot of parents don’t own a thermometer, and aren’t thick. Most of us know if our child is Ill/hot/sick, without taking their temperature fgs. It’s okay to own one if you lack confidence in assessing whether your child is ill, as seems to be the case with you, but the rest of us are capable of making our own judgement without the need for one.

GreyCarpet · 14/12/2022 04:42

What they did was appalling, esp given your health condition, but my child are 17 and 24 and I've not taken their temperatures since they were small babies.

Hot to touch - drink water and take paracetamol.

Hot to touch and floppiness - I'd take to A&E myself.

Never known anyone be 'blue lighted' (i need to remember that phrase the next time there's a 'phrase on mn that you hate' thread!) due to temperature alone - there are other symptoms if it's that bad. One of my children was hospitalised at 15 months for a high temp that I'd identified the seriousness of by touch and common sense. I drove him to A&E myself.

deeperthanallroses · 14/12/2022 05:12

GreyCarpet · 14/12/2022 04:42

What they did was appalling, esp given your health condition, but my child are 17 and 24 and I've not taken their temperatures since they were small babies.

Hot to touch - drink water and take paracetamol.

Hot to touch and floppiness - I'd take to A&E myself.

Never known anyone be 'blue lighted' (i need to remember that phrase the next time there's a 'phrase on mn that you hate' thread!) due to temperature alone - there are other symptoms if it's that bad. One of my children was hospitalised at 15 months for a high temp that I'd identified the seriousness of by touch and common sense. I drove him to A&E myself.

‘Blue lighted’ is not a ‘phrase’ that means whatever someone wants it to mean as you imply… it’s a category of ambulance trip. Do you also decide if it’s a red light or a ‘red light’ when driving?

i understand the reliance on a thermometer and doubt I know any parents who don’t have one. I think you need to refuse nephew to stay for a couple of weeks, ‘no, I don’t know if he’s well or not and you won’t be honest about it.’ To mil (you should get her a thermometer for Christmas!) just to be clear that actions have consequences. When you do have him back call sil and double check everyone is well for a couple of weeks since you can’t trust mil.

cherriegarcia · 14/12/2022 05:18

You don't need a thermometer in order to safely raise a child. You don't have to know their exact temperature to know that they are unwell. The majority of parents across the world do not own one.

Your MIL was very selfish sending your nephew to you to pass on a bug. Some people are just incredibly short sighted about these things, as Covid has demonstrated.

SomethingOriginal2 · 14/12/2022 06:09

Tbh I agree wit house about needing a Thermometer, I have no idea how people manage without them but people do so there we go. I imagine with a temperature of over 40 there were other signs he was seriously ill.

But all that aside. You specifically asked how he was. To be told he was totally fine. Despite the fact he clearly wasn't well and had actually been sick. And she specifically chose not to mention that because she needed you to have him because her car broke?

Yeah I'd be utterly fuming and I'd definitely be too ill to see her at Christmas.

LaBelleSauvage123 · 14/12/2022 06:13

I know this isn’t the point of the thread and there may be other reasons for it, but MIL has your nephew EVERY weekend when his mother doesn’t work? Why isn’t he with his immediate family? And what does your SIL feel about all this?

PAFMO · 14/12/2022 06:17

With you on the fact he shouldn't have been sent to your house.

Less so on the MIL/SIL thing. Fume at the child's parents.

Also with the thermometer. Some people have them, some don't. You were lucky to get an ambulance out for a high temp though. Was it a long time ago?

PAFMO · 14/12/2022 06:21

GreyCarpet · 14/12/2022 04:42

What they did was appalling, esp given your health condition, but my child are 17 and 24 and I've not taken their temperatures since they were small babies.

Hot to touch - drink water and take paracetamol.

Hot to touch and floppiness - I'd take to A&E myself.

Never known anyone be 'blue lighted' (i need to remember that phrase the next time there's a 'phrase on mn that you hate' thread!) due to temperature alone - there are other symptoms if it's that bad. One of my children was hospitalised at 15 months for a high temp that I'd identified the seriousness of by touch and common sense. I drove him to A&E myself.

"blue-lighted" is a term used by the emergency services, and the public have picked it up from those 24 hours in A&E things.
It is often used on MN for dramatic effect ("rushed to hospital" sounds less dramatic somehow) though with a child and a 40+ temperature, probably less so.

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 14/12/2022 06:25

I have two children OP, never owned a thermometer though 🙄
Since I must be 'thick' I won't bother giving my opinion on your situation.

IneedanewTV · 14/12/2022 06:26

Perhaps MIL is fed up having nephews every weekend. Perhaps you should be having a go at the parents. Where is BIL or FIL in this?

blue lighted? Casualty? Drama?

FangedFrisbee · 14/12/2022 06:30

@BertaHoon you need to make sure the thermometer is kept in a room that's not cold. Also maybe change the battery. They're the most accurate type of thermometer

Hellothere54 · 14/12/2022 06:53

I’m on immunosuppressants and one of the things they told was that I HAD to have a decent thermometer so that I could check my temp as my condition sends my internal thermostat all over the place and they need an accurate reading. If I have a fever they have to treat it quickly so need to know an accurate temp - not just what I feel like as that could be being messed up by my condition.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/12/2022 06:54

Another thicko here not qualified to comment.

Soundofshuna · 14/12/2022 07:00

I’m a dr I’ve never owned a thermometer ( misses point of thread) I can usually tell when my children are ill. I would however have been raging is this situation!

BrutusMcDogface · 14/12/2022 07:02

I absolutely hate how selfish people can be. People sending their sick kids into school is why we have so much staff sickness at the moment. You just add more germs to the Petri dish. As for being immunosuppressed and having it willingly brought into your house: disgusting behaviour. Yanbu to be livid and I hope you don’t succumb to any bugs.

Believeinyou · 14/12/2022 07:13

i do believe in this country most houses should have a thermometer particularly those with children. Just like they should have smoke alarms and a first aid kit but hey many don't as proven by this thread. we've all used it and when my husband was delirious with a fever when he had covid , 111 were very interested in the readings as to whether they thought they should or shouldn't send an ambulance - can't believe so many taking umbrage as they don't have a thermometer in the house

but yes agree your mil was wrong and actually the poor lad sounds like he should have been in bed at home being looked after by his mum

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 14/12/2022 07:22

Apologies to anyone I have offended regarding the thermometer. It’s obvious some have different opinions on these. Personally for me I think they are totally necessary. When ds was taken to hospital with a temp over 43, he wasn’t that poorly, I have seen him worse.

I called 999, paramedics were brilliant and here in less than 10 minutes. First paramedic car. Paramedic asked me what his temperature was, I told him. He took one look at him and I could tell he thought my thermometer was broken. He took it himself and couldn’t believe it.

Ambulance turned up while this was happening. They took it. He was then put in an ambulance and taken at speed with blue lights and sirens (not said for effect, fact).

without a thermometer I wouldn’t have known how poorly he was.

mil has nephew a lot because sil can’t be bothered simple as. Don’t even get me started on that! Whole different thread. House totally minging etc

OP posts:
chickchickpox · 14/12/2022 07:30

That's awful and really selfish. Also your poor nephew I bet he is feeling like shit and then just sending him off to school is going to make him feel worse and probably take longer for him to recover! A colleague at work said to me yesterday her daughter had been sick last night and she had sent her in to school the next day because she seemed fine. It really pissed me off!!! She's just going to go and infected a child (or more) for Christmas Angry such selfish behaviour really winds me up!

Dontjustrelyonthermometers · 14/12/2022 07:33

Another one who is maybe missing point of thread ! I am a paediatrician and don’t have a thermometer. I do not have anyone immunosuppressed in my family and I can tell when one of my children has a fever. More important is to look at other features like fast heart rate, cold hands, work of breathing, not eating / drinking , not wetting nappies or waking for feeds. Most of our friends who are doctors don’t have thermometers either !

Though would still have been abit cross about lack of communication regarding unwell child coming to visit.

on another note do check with your clinician regarding how much you can go out and about just to check you are not being over cautious. I just know with a lot of my patients it is taking some getting used to going back to school etc following all the Covid immunosuppression rules as I work with immunosuppressed kids

ADifferentKindofChristmas · 14/12/2022 07:34

I'd save the being "livid" until I actually got sick and I say that as someone who also has an auto immune disease.

Even then you would have no idea that you caught anything from your Dnephew.

Waste of time and too much negative energy until that point.

From the tone of your posts it sounds like you just want another reason to bash your MIL/SIL.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 14/12/2022 07:47

OP: massive breach of trust. MIL was looking after the child, you asked her if he was ill, she lied to you. He had been sick at her house.

She lied to you. Which is bad enough for spreading D&V etc, but she also lied to you knowing your immunity is compromised.

I would be really angry with her. Just tell her in simple terms that you are angry that she lied to you.

Dguu6u · 14/12/2022 08:01

Why would you not have a thermometer? It's an objective measure of health, instead of trying to subjective feel if someone feels hot or breathes slightly faster. One of the first things the GP does is take a kid's temperature.