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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

WhatsApp girl

75 replies

Vanillapodder · 08/12/2022 19:29

DP and I went to school nativity today and while we were waiting for it to start he opened his whatsapp and the third person down was a girls name (first name and surname snd whatapp photo) that I had never heard of. We've been together for 6 years and he has never mentioned anyone by this first name before. As soon as he opened it he quickly closed it again without going into any of the messages and it's been niggling at me ever since.

We both WFH ,everyone from his work is male, he plays sports twice a week with all males, he has a couple of female friends and there is never any jealously on either side so he would have no reason to hide something and he is an oversharer so if someone was texting him he would generally say but there is just something about this that is niggling me.

I don't really know what advice I am asking for by posting this thread but I just feel that something is off about it and wanted to get it off my chest. I have tried googling the name but nothing comes up and I am not 100% sure that I got the surname correct as he closed it so quickly.

OP posts:
magicalorange · 08/12/2022 19:31

Might have been a tarty spam bot. I've had 2 on WA this week.

Goodgrief82 · 08/12/2022 19:32

Where there’s a will there’s a way.

longcoffeebreak · 08/12/2022 19:34

Unless you can sneak a look you will have to keep an eye on his behaviour and/or ask him.

amiold · 08/12/2022 19:34

You need to investigate. Surely if it was suss he wouldn't have her saved as her first and last name ?

Junejolie · 08/12/2022 19:35

Ask him see his reaction

BrewandBiscuit · 08/12/2022 19:37

Ask him?

Original poster
Vanillapodder · 08/12/2022 19:43

I don't want to ask him as he has had time to make something up and I would never know. I have never checked his phone but I am tempted though I don't know when I would have the chance.

I'm just going to have to watch himI think. I'm 100% sure nothing had happened in person as he is always home but we did go through a bad spell for a few months earlier this year and it does worry me that maybe he joined a dating site or something but surely that would only give her first name so that doesn't make sense.

OP posts:
amiold · 08/12/2022 19:44

Vanillapodder · 08/12/2022 19:43

I don't want to ask him as he has had time to make something up and I would never know. I have never checked his phone but I am tempted though I don't know when I would have the chance.

I'm just going to have to watch himI think. I'm 100% sure nothing had happened in person as he is always home but we did go through a bad spell for a few months earlier this year and it does worry me that maybe he joined a dating site or something but surely that would only give her first name so that doesn't make sense.

Not really he could have asked.

Or she could be "Jessica" "tinder"

CourtneeLuv · 08/12/2022 19:57

You can have business accounts in WhatsApp now, could it be to do with z Christmas present for you?

I know that might be clutching at straws.

Rosie22xx · 08/12/2022 20:08

If you know his password or access to his phone, I would check it. Maybe at night when he's asleep. Even if nothing has happened in person, somethings happened. And it's cheating in my eyes. You should never speak to another person in a flirtatious manner, lusting them or entertaining the idea, when you have a partner. No matter if times are good or bad, shows his mind wonders when times are bad and that's a bad sign. Supposed to be strong and especially maintain faithfulness and loyalty in the hard times. Also if you get a chance, look through what other apps he has, look through pictures, call logs, some have secret apps that look like a "calculator" but it's actually a secret locked app with other things inside.

Kedece2410 · 08/12/2022 20:14

Why not just ask him. See what he says before you tie yourself in knots thinking the worst. Yes, he's had time to think something up but he may also open the app & let you see a perfectly innocent message

The only people I have with what would look like a surname are business numbers

Graham - Grass
Stephen- Plumber
Sarah - nails

It COULD be completely innocent - ask him

Outtasteamandluck · 08/12/2022 20:17

I'm for sneaking a look. Wrong ? Maybe. IME if your sixth sense is kicking in, listen to it.

LadyLolaRuben · 08/12/2022 20:21

I'd be taking a look in his phone. Theres nothing wrong with doing a spot check if you've got a niggle. If you find nothing, then great. If you find something, its a good job you looked. Keep us posted

Original poster
Vanillapodder · 08/12/2022 20:25

Thanks for the suggestions. It was definitely a surname I'm 90% sure it was Fortescue so been googling that and other names beginning with F of similar length like Foreshaw.
I know what you mean about tying myself in knots but I just can't think of an innocent explanation. I think I am going to might try to get him to open it while I am next to him by sending him a link or something so I can get a better look.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vanillapodder · 08/12/2022 21:50

He is currently 45 mins late home from his sports hobby and I now remember he was really late last week as well and he said he was talking to one of the lads. 45 mins (so far) talking outside in the freezing cold just seems implausible at this time of night and I wouldn't have thought anything of it if it wasn't for the whatapp thing earlier.

OP posts:
merlotlover · 08/12/2022 21:56

Is he on social media? Look at his friends lists

Original poster
Vanillapodder · 08/12/2022 22:00

Thanks I have tried this but I can only see the friends we have in common but she isn't someone who I've ever noticed commenting or liking his posts. I've looked at his other social media accounts and there's nothing on there. Thanks for the suggestion though, I feel like I am getting obsessed with this now, trying to figure it out but there is no way of doing that without looking at his phone.

OP posts:
dolor · 08/12/2022 22:01

You're going to have to ask him.

Original poster
Vanillapodder · 08/12/2022 22:07

I'm going to ask where he has been tonight but I am not asking about whatsapp yet. I've just heard his car so he has been somewhere for a full hour after the sports hall closed.

OP posts:
cantba · 08/12/2022 22:09

Escort?

cantba · 08/12/2022 22:10

Good luck op.

Neverhot · 08/12/2022 22:14

I've been there op, trust your gut, if something is telling you it's not right then it probably isn't. If he has deleted the chat then you know for sure something more is going on. Try and check tonight, take photos of any proof on your phone.

BestSelfBlah · 08/12/2022 22:15

If you haven't heard of her and he's not being transparent then it's a problem

VariantHela · 08/12/2022 22:24

That gut feeling you have? Listen to it. Good luck OP

VeronicaFranklin · 08/12/2022 22:29

Trust your gut.

If it was me I would check his phone, I think confronting him you will probably just get lies.