Page 3 | WhatsApp girl

Vanillapodder · 2022-12-08T19:29:56+00:00

DP and I went to school nativity today and while we were waiting for it to start he opened his whatsapp and the third person down was a girls name (first name and surname snd whatapp photo) that I had never heard of. We've been together for 6 years and he has never mentioned anyone by this first name before. As soon as he opened it he quickly closed it again without going into any of the messages and it's been niggling at me ever since. We both WFH ,everyone from his work is male, he plays sports twice a week with all males, he has a couple of female friends and there is never any jealously on either side so he would have no reason to hide something and he is an oversharer so if someone was texting him he would generally say but there is just something about this that is niggling me. I don't really know what advice I am asking for by posting this thread but I just feel that something is off about it and wanted to get it off my chest. I have tried googling the name but nothing comes up and I am not 100% sure that I got the surname correct as he closed it so quickly.

80s · 09/12/2022 15:29

Goodgrief82 · 09/12/2022 15:11

Sorry I confused. So why were you suspicious enough to google?

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Same situation as OP (except it was our daughter who saw the message).

80s · 09/12/2022 15:31

(They were indeed having an affair.)

iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 09/12/2022 15:43

I don't think I'd find it easy just to let it go. If he's a deep sleeper, I'd be checking his phone.

Lovageandrose · 09/12/2022 15:45

Outtasteamandluck · 09/12/2022 07:31

Because people lie.

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Are you so naive that you can’t tell when someone is lying to you? You sound precious.

Winter41 · 09/12/2022 15:50

I've just bought the Savic plaza. Got it on a black friday deal for £60. It's the biggest I could find. Have got a 30cm wheel too as was told smaller ones could damage their backs. Not for the hamster yet.

amiold · 09/12/2022 15:52

Winter41 · 09/12/2022 15:50

I've just bought the Savic plaza. Got it on a black friday deal for £60. It's the biggest I could find. Have got a 30cm wheel too as was told smaller ones could damage their backs. Not for the hamster yet.

Wrong thread? X

Winter41 · 09/12/2022 15:52

Wrong thread sorry!

Byfleet · 09/12/2022 17:11

@Lovageandrose

Are you so naive that you can’t tell when someone is lying to you? You sound precious

What an odd thing to say. Nobody really knows whether someone is lying to them or not. It is really easy to lie, people do it absolutely all the time and the person they are lying to rarely knows about it. I am not at all a cynic. It's just that we learn to lie about small things when we are little (yes mum, I brushed my teeth) and carry on doing it (I love your new haircut, I haven't had a break all day). We do it to save people's feelings or to just make life easier for ourselves and if we are caught out doing something more serious lying about that is easy too.

I always find it really weird on MN when people suggest asking their partners eg. were you with another woman last night? As a way to find out the truth because 'you will be able to see if he is lying on not'. You can't, you really can't tell if someone is lying.

Wellitjustgetsworse · 09/12/2022 19:05

I'm in the situation and a few months along I asked instead of snooping and he deleted loads of messages but made it look like a normal work conversation when he showed me. He carried on lying and denying.

Look before you ask he's hiding it now so that's how he will want to deal with it if you ask. I wish I just looked.

He also home all the time but started coming home an hour or two later.

Goodgrief82 · 09/12/2022 19:31

Wellitjustgetsworse · 09/12/2022 19:05

I'm in the situation and a few months along I asked instead of snooping and he deleted loads of messages but made it look like a normal work conversation when he showed me. He carried on lying and denying.

Look before you ask he's hiding it now so that's how he will want to deal with it if you ask. I wish I just looked.

He also home all the time but started coming home an hour or two later.

So now presumably… finished with him?

Lovageandrose · 09/12/2022 22:08

Byfleet · 09/12/2022 17:11

@Lovageandrose

Are you so naive that you can’t tell when someone is lying to you? You sound precious

What an odd thing to say. Nobody really knows whether someone is lying to them or not. It is really easy to lie, people do it absolutely all the time and the person they are lying to rarely knows about it. I am not at all a cynic. It's just that we learn to lie about small things when we are little (yes mum, I brushed my teeth) and carry on doing it (I love your new haircut, I haven't had a break all day). We do it to save people's feelings or to just make life easier for ourselves and if we are caught out doing something more serious lying about that is easy too.

I always find it really weird on MN when people suggest asking their partners eg. were you with another woman last night? As a way to find out the truth because 'you will be able to see if he is lying on not'. You can't, you really can't tell if someone is lying.

You sound oddly uptight about a strangers relationship on an anonymous forum. Have you tried unclenching?

BestSelfBlah · 09/12/2022 22:11

@Lovageandrose she's right though! Most conversations go

Woman: who is x? Are you having an affair?
Man: no! - insert gaslighting bullshit -

And some people accept that because they don't really want the truth and some people accept it because they like to think that everyone is as honest as they are.

Goodgrief82 · 10/12/2022 07:23

@Lovageandrose

no the poster doesn’t sound “oddly uptight”

You however did give an odd response!

AelinAshriver · 10/12/2022 07:31

You need to look at his phone. If he has.nithing to hide then what's the issue?

rainbowstardrops · 10/12/2022 10:32

Has anything else happened OP?

Santatoyheadache · 10/12/2022 17:32

@rainbowstardrops no I was working yesterday and mostly put it out of my mind and told myself I was being paranoid but today we were at my dad's all day squashed up on a little sofa and everytime I glanced over if he was on whatsapp he would close it straight away. I couldn't see any names today. The only other thing was I noticed when he gets a whatsapp message notification the icon is blue rather than green. The actual app is green cos I would see it on his homescreen so now I am wondering if it is linked to something else.

Original poster

Vanillapodder · 10/12/2022 17:54

Sorry name change fail there. I think I have changed it back now. Also to all the people saying just ask him I am not going to do that he could just lie and I would never know. I also can't check his phone while he is asleep as he has it at the back of his bedside cabinet on a standing charging station there's multiple gadgets in front so I couldn't do it in the dark without knocking something over. I will just have to see when I get a chance which could take days.

OP posts:

Freeme31 · 10/12/2022 18:03

Can you not look when he is in the shower in the morning- may take a few mornings of looking

girlmom21 · 10/12/2022 18:10

I'd just ask him outright to hand me his unlocked phone.

If he asks why, tell him.

CosyWintersNight · 10/12/2022 18:14

girlmom21 · 10/12/2022 18:10

I'd just ask him outright to hand me his unlocked phone.

If he asks why, tell him.

That's exactly what I'd do

Tirrrrred · 10/12/2022 18:15

I can never see who my dds or dh are chatting to them on what's app. Even when they're sitting next to me, I have to have it in-front if my face. If you were able to read a first and second name surely he didn't exit the app straight away?

kernowpicklepie · 10/12/2022 18:32

@Vanillapodder you can get a blue icon for WhatsApp if you want (after a quick Google search) so maybe he's changed it with a third party app

octoberweather · 12/12/2022 22:42

Any update OP? I hope you are ok

cleanbreak2022 · 12/12/2022 23:39

Vanillapodder · 10/12/2022 17:54

Sorry name change fail there. I think I have changed it back now. Also to all the people saying just ask him I am not going to do that he could just lie and I would never know. I also can't check his phone while he is asleep as he has it at the back of his bedside cabinet on a standing charging station there's multiple gadgets in front so I couldn't do it in the dark without knocking something over. I will just have to see when I get a chance which could take days.

Hi OP my ex was using telegram to message, that has a blue colour to it. Download it and see if your partner comes up as a contact. If he is, he will get a notification you've joined.

Telegram is a messaging platform where messages can be deleted. I don't know a lot about the app but can you tell I've been here before!

dolor · 12/12/2022 23:43

OP isn't coming back folks.