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Original poster

Chatting with a chap and he said-

163 replies

Shallysally · 05/12/2022 00:20

So I’ve been chatting with a chap, very casual, I’m not long out of a long term relationship and definitely not in the right head space for anything other than extremely casual.

Anyway, we had been chatting yesterday about Christmas movies and music. I made a joke that I bet he loves Cliff Richard’s tunes. Just nice banter.

Tonight I saw a post on fb about Cliff bringing a new Christmas album out. So I screenshotted and sent it to the chap.
His response was “you’ll be getting a slap 😉😉”

I said, a what now? He proceeded to make a joke of it, several messages later he admitted he had been a dick, apologised, said he knows better.

I’m seriously put off by this remark.
Am I over reacting? I know that some people do say this, but surely to
people they know well enough to know that they are joking?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shallysally · 05/12/2022 08:16

@Blowthemandown yes it is used here too. I was just taken aback that he was using it when he doesn’t really know me enough to know what my reaction would be.

I’m all for a bit of banter though!

OP posts:
DinosWillGetYou · 05/12/2022 08:32

I wouldn’t like it either OP, even joking about slapping someone I couldn’t find ok. We all have our different opinions I guess

Longestnight · 05/12/2022 08:33

No I wouldn’t like it either. I know it’s a joke but it would be at the back of my mind.

beastlyslumber · 05/12/2022 08:39

That would be a conversation ender for me. There are lots of lovely men in the world - why would you choose one who thinks it's funny to joke about slapping you?

The responses to this and the other thread with the man joking about violent sexual assault makes me wonder if women will just put up with anything in order to keep a man. Telling women to override their natural aversion and laugh along with the nasty things men say. It seems desperate.

There are about a million jokes he could have made that weren't about slapping you, OP. I would throw this one back.

IneedanewTV · 05/12/2022 08:40

He intended it to be a joke. But it might be the start of sexist behaviour but might not. I wouldn’t be impressed if my 20 year said it as I hope that generation would see how inappropriate it is but if it was said by a 50 year old man then I would just raise my eyebrows and say something along the lines of hey old man …

jimjimmyjimbo · 05/12/2022 11:41

I would very much say it was a joke. But if it puts you offf and gives you the ick, fair enough

baileys6904 · 05/12/2022 11:50

"I'm gonna kill you"
"careful, you'll split your difference"
"break a leg!"
"oh you've twisted my arm"
Etc etc etc

Sorry but there are plenty of everyday phrases that sound horrendous when taken literally but as colloquially expressed are just terms, almost of endearment or friendliness.

I think I've said all of these. I've yet to physically hurt someone in 40 odd years. I've also been violently abused by exes. I have used these terms before and after the abuse and will continue to do so. I would view the slap comment as I do those above, it was friendly banter

Opaljewel · 05/12/2022 11:56

I say it jokingly to my partner when hes being cheeky as in joking... I wouldn't do it. I think it's about context surely?

To me it sounded like a joke and he's apologised which is .good

Opaljewel · 05/12/2022 11:56

He's*

FictionalCharacter · 05/12/2022 12:00

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 03:51

It’s a joke but a very very poor one, and grim that his sense of humour goes straight to slapping you and not eight million other responses. Throw this one back.

Exactly. Of course it was a joke. It was just an unfunny one and a weird reaction.

caz198917 · 05/12/2022 12:05

Yea it would ring alarm bells for me.... of you! If I was the bloke I'd be thinking what a snowflake, can't be assed to pussy foot around this drama queen

ArmyofMunn · 05/12/2022 12:16

I agree with you OP - it wasn't really a joke was it? It shows an underlying menace IMO.

Time to move on.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 05/12/2022 12:19

Not a joke I'd like to hear from a man.

Coralpop · 05/12/2022 12:24

It was just banter but if your communication styles are that mismatched it's definitely for the best you don't carry on with this one.

Opentooffers · 05/12/2022 12:42

Banter is inherently taking the piss out of someone as a 'joke'. It's a cheap form of humour unless the aim is flirtyness. If the same subject is rehashed and the point is laboured its to encourage a reaction.
You stuck to the same theme with Cliff, over a period of time until he reacted, and now after goading him, you don't like the reaction. He's sensible enough that he gets he overstepped by what he said. But that's the problem with banter that goes on too long, it ramps up back and forth until a line is crossed. That's why a tad of banter might be OK, but prolonging the same theme of banter is always going to end up hurting someone's feelings.
What were you trying to say about him with the continuing Cliff 'joke' really? That he has crap taste in music? That he's older than you? That he's old fashioned? None of which are complimentary really, so I think you've had a hand in this occurring.

Sunnytwobridges · 05/12/2022 12:48

So I say this a lot but only to close friends/dp. But that’s after knowing someone for a while, and they even start saying it back to me and it’s all good.

However if I’m chatting/texting with someone I just met from OLD it would put me off a little. As to me it’s acting too comfortable or familiar when we barely know each other.

PortiasBiscuit · 05/12/2022 12:50

It’s the kind of thing I would say, you’re thinking too hard.

JennyForeigner · 05/12/2022 12:59

It's funny, this is apparently so normal and just a joke lol and yet I never this kind of joke in the library or in public, or my colleagues joking about giving each other 'a slap' if someone doesn't get it right with the monthly reports.

Come to think of it, I'd be appalled if one of my reports told me anyone around work had done anything of the kind. So why is it ok to joke about hitting women when it's in the personal or domestic sphere and no where else?

Ellessdee · 05/12/2022 13:05

I wouldn't find this funny and considering 1 in 4 women have been a victim of domestic abuse, I think it's really distasteful. My ex partner used to slap me, and if someone said this to me (and likely many other women) I'd hate it. That's just my experience but it would completely put me off.

Notanotherone6 · 05/12/2022 13:15

So you can make a joke but he can't? Bloody hell. He's better off running a mile from you if you're offended by that.

BeautifulWar · 05/12/2022 13:17

It's an old saying, made in jest.

Admittedly, it should probably be retired, but there was nothing sinister intended. He wasn't threatening you with battery over a joke about Cliff.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/12/2022 13:27

I wouldn't want anything to do with a bloke who said anything like that. Not my kind of 'banter'. In fact, anyone who writes 'love a bit of banter' on their profile gets an immediate swipe left. For you know, they don't mean banter at all, they mean sexist unfunny stuff. I love actual decent banter, but this isn't it.

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 13:30

Notanotherone6 · 05/12/2022 13:15

So you can make a joke but he can't? Bloody hell. He's better off running a mile from you if you're offended by that.

OP’s joke: you like Cliff Richard.
His joke: I’m going to slap you.

Now, OP’s joke isn’t going to win awards for witty repartee but surely you can see the difference between them?

FawnFrenchieMum · 05/12/2022 14:05

It wouldn’t be a red flag for me, I’ve said it many a time although probably not by text. I can confirm I’ve never actually slapped anyone. I’m female and have said it in jest to both male & female people who have been jokingly poking fun at me.

StopStartStop · 05/12/2022 14:10

No.
He's told you who he is. Believe him.