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Original poster

Chatting with a chap and he said-

163 replies

Shallysally · 05/12/2022 00:20

So I’ve been chatting with a chap, very casual, I’m not long out of a long term relationship and definitely not in the right head space for anything other than extremely casual.

Anyway, we had been chatting yesterday about Christmas movies and music. I made a joke that I bet he loves Cliff Richard’s tunes. Just nice banter.

Tonight I saw a post on fb about Cliff bringing a new Christmas album out. So I screenshotted and sent it to the chap.
His response was “you’ll be getting a slap 😉😉”

I said, a what now? He proceeded to make a joke of it, several messages later he admitted he had been a dick, apologised, said he knows better.

I’m seriously put off by this remark.
Am I over reacting? I know that some people do say this, but surely to
people they know well enough to know that they are joking?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 05/12/2022 05:28

I know people use this phrase but aside from the reason it probably stopped you in your tracks, if it did stop you in in your tracks I’d say you don’t have the same sense of humour anyway so possibly aren’t suited?

Twiglets1 · 05/12/2022 05:29

Isn’t it more offensive to accuse someone of being a Cliff Richards fan?
Verbal assault right there.

TumbleFryer · 05/12/2022 05:31

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 03:51

It’s a joke but a very very poor one, and grim that his sense of humour goes straight to slapping you and not eight million other responses. Throw this one back.

I agree with this. It’s a really tasteless joke and I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way again.

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 05:41

girlmom21 · 05/12/2022 05:24

Yes it was a joke. No he's not going to smack her. No he's not automatically a domestic abuser showing his flags early. MN is weird.

I tell DP I'll 'end him' all the time. He's taller, bigger and stronger than me. It's a joke.

But what is the joke? “I’m going to slap you.” What’s the punchline? Where’s the set-up/payoff? Which bit is funny?

As for your joke with your DP, you said it yourself: he’s bigger, taller and stronger than you. Reverse that: is it still funny?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2022 05:43

girlmom21 · 05/12/2022 05:24

Yes it was a joke. No he's not going to smack her. No he's not automatically a domestic abuser showing his flags early. MN is weird.

I tell DP I'll 'end him' all the time. He's taller, bigger and stronger than me. It's a joke.

You’re physically weaker and in a committed relationship so this is rather different. Your dp knows this is a joke. A man even jokingly threatening to slap a woman can be all so subtlety putting her in her place.

I would take the apology op and calm the banter. By this I mean when to stop. Be a little more serious and boundaried. See how you go.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2022 05:44

*know when to stop.

carefulcalculator · 05/12/2022 05:47

It's a pretty poor taste 'joke' and would put me off too.

girlmom21 · 05/12/2022 05:57

@stuntbubbles yeah it's still funny because he says it to me too.

But I guess you're right in that we know each other's humour and personalities and that neither of us would ever or have ever harmed each other.

SoggyBananaLoaf · 05/12/2022 06:02

Having been subject to several 'slaps' by an ex, I'd be avoiding this one. Maybe I don't have that kind of sense of humour that finds banter funny. I can't begin to see th humour in that. Your choice.

SequinShagger · 05/12/2022 06:06

You’re over reacting

Suprima · 05/12/2022 06:10

I agree, it’s ‘harmless banter’ and a ‘joke’ and he’s trying to be funny, but I wouldn’t find it funny. I don’t think he’s a violent thug- but the lack of self awareness would just be it for me.

We all have different standards. Many women on here clearly think it’s fine- but I personally would be turned off a man who jokes about giving a potential lover a slap. I know it’s a joke….just not my conversational style and that would be it..

You don’t need to give anyone ‘a chance’ just because certain behaviour’s would be ok for others.

ACollectionofCells · 05/12/2022 06:14

Wouldn't bother me. My partner often says 'I'm going to knack you!' I know it isn't meant. I guess the difference here is you're newly dating so it may be that you DON'T know for sure it isn't meant? He probably knows 100% he doesn't mean it but has sort of forgotten that you don't know that (yet).

Ziggysharko · 05/12/2022 06:16

ACollectionofCells · 05/12/2022 06:14

Wouldn't bother me. My partner often says 'I'm going to knack you!' I know it isn't meant. I guess the difference here is you're newly dating so it may be that you DON'T know for sure it isn't meant? He probably knows 100% he doesn't mean it but has sort of forgotten that you don't know that (yet).

This. He knows he’s not going to slap you, ever; you don’t know that.

DiaDeLluvia · 05/12/2022 06:21

If it’s a joke it’s missing the funny bit.

id also like my partner to be a bit more aware of the power imbalance issues between men and women so wouldn’t be interested in this one.

ForeverTheOptomist · 05/12/2022 06:26

Dislike.

wp65 · 05/12/2022 06:29

People saying it was a joke, yes we can all see it was a joke. But what a strange joke to make.

OP, this would put me off him a lot.

hattie43 · 05/12/2022 06:45

I've heard that loads , it's a joke .

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 05/12/2022 06:46

Very old fashioned mindset and it would put me off definitely

C1N1C · 05/12/2022 06:53

Sooo, OP makes a clearly ageist comment, doubles down by making another... he responds with a DV comment...

Why is this even a post? If this was a man making jokes about age women would be red-flagging him here and saying a playful slap (from a woman) is just a bit of fun.

Both clearly jokes... facepalm.

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 07:22

C1N1C · 05/12/2022 06:53

Sooo, OP makes a clearly ageist comment, doubles down by making another... he responds with a DV comment...

Why is this even a post? If this was a man making jokes about age women would be red-flagging him here and saying a playful slap (from a woman) is just a bit of fun.

Both clearly jokes... facepalm.

Where is the ageist comment? If you’re referring to Cliff Richard, you’re the one making that association; not OP. She related Cliff Richard to Christmas – you’ve made an Olympic-level leap to ageism.

Ageism isn’t OK but it’s not on a par with DV.

SequinShagger · 05/12/2022 07:29

Oh agest. Fgs. Cliff Richard

HandsomeDaughter · 05/12/2022 07:44

I don't like like your or his sense of humour but it was obviously banter back at you.

Arrivederla · 05/12/2022 07:53

DiaDeLluvia · 05/12/2022 06:21

If it’s a joke it’s missing the funny bit.

id also like my partner to be a bit more aware of the power imbalance issues between men and women so wouldn’t be interested in this one.

This.

Original poster
Shallysally · 05/12/2022 08:08

@C1N1C how was I being ageist? It was I comment about Cliff Richard’s music at Christmas.

Thanks everyone, think I’m going to ditch this one. As pp’s have said, clearly a humour mismatch and that is something that is really important to me.

OP posts:
Blowthemandown · 05/12/2022 08:08

@Shallysally where I come from a lot of people bandy this phrase about. Not just men. I would say it too (am not a man). It’s usually very loose banter, “oi, pack it or you’ll get a slap” and absolutely not indicative of such violent tendencies, and definitely not aimed at women more than men. But I can see that some people might not be used to that. As others have said, it is up to you to decide how you feel about it.

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