Any successful swinging couples ?

[hardtodiscuss]

Hi, name changed to try and protect myself..
I'm basically wondering what rules you have and how do you stay honest and not get annoyed at each other?
So ... married DH about 5 years ago. We are both in our late 40's and both very open.
We have been to a few swingers clubs and really enjoyed ourselves. We also had the agreement that if a spontaneous attraction occurred with someone we had a hall pass. With the agreement we would inform the other asap.

We are great friends and have a fabulous time together. All our kids get on fabulously too.
At the moment I'm peri menopausal so not that interested in sex with other men.
I like the intimacy with my partner

He's now had 5 'attractions' over the past 4 years- which I was mainly informed of after the fact - I was aware of 1 of them before hand and that is honestly the only one I am ok with. I was fully included in the conversation they had and it made all the difference.
I have explained to him that I feel like he has pushed my boundaries time after time - he has listened to me and taken it into account but I feel like he is sometimes like a child with a toy and gets carried away.
The stupid thing is that - as looks go- I am very good looking with a great body. If I wanted to I'd be in huge demand - but there is no way I'd want to have sex with a man just to take 'revenge' on my DH!

But it took me to threatening to leave him that really made him realise that he had pushed me way too far this particular time.

We are very good again now.
But I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar - and what agreements you have in place. Apart from the obvious honesty and keep talking bit.

If you've never had a swinging relationship please can you refrain from responding ? Thank you.

I just re-read all your threads

For me, the saddest part of sex clubs and meets is meeting all the women like you, op. I wish you either just didn't go, or wanted to go for yourself, not a desperate attempt to keep a useless man.

I'd recommend opening up your marriage to affairs. You'd probably have a much better time of it.

Incidentally, I was just thinking this before, about someone else's post on here ...... you would be amazed how many swingers also cheat (well, amazed if you thought swinging = open). I am very often approached by the man of the pair for separate meets that his wife wouldn't know about (and he makes clear she can't be told about), or groped when she leaves the room when their agreement is that everything is to happen in front of her.

In separate conversations with the women, a fair few swing because they were previously cheated on and think that this way they will be in control. Yes, he's having sex with other women, but she knows about it so it isn't cheating. Little does she know that he still cheats on her by arranging meets she doesn't know about and can't control.

I do wish people could just enjoy sex for sex and stop playing mind games with each other. It's particularly irritating to be dragged into someone else's psychodrama.

There is nothing I cannot discuss with my OH. Unlike some monogamous couples I know. He gets better every year I know him. And I can say hand on heart he is my best friend and makes me laugh a lot. There is nothing that he wouldn't do for me. When I bring my thoughts and issues up in conversation we can discuss it openly and honestly.

Except when he was sneakily messaging (and shagging?) women and stuff behind your back @hardtodiscuss

About 20 years ago, I was telling my mother that a certain friend of mine (who was 30 then) was divorcing. She exclaimed critically that my generation is trigger happy to divorce, with divorcing is as easy as changing stockings!"

I am not trying to be critical of anyone, but divorce should be a last resort, after having exhausted all possible avenues of ironing differences and reconciliation. A marriage is sacred and should not be taken lightly. We cannot behave like a lot of celebrities do, they get married after some sexual adventure to divorce a few weeks or months later.

You made a complete U-turn?!!? Very strange, but Lovely.

@Doah76
If she's never mentioned it, it would imply it's not been on her radar or something she's desired.

Maybe start your own thread?

And this isn't even a marriage, just a joke of a relationship. There's no respect, commitment or even loyalty- a mockery of even a relationship.