DH farting problem ruining relationship

[Tiptopsshape]

So basically what it says on the tin. Married 4 years, everythings fine, really cant conplain at all except for the farting issue. And yes he's had all sorts of tests, diet changes, nothing helps 😣 he's massively self conscious of it, smell is putrid to the point of making me feel sick, and so embarrassing when visiting parents or with friends, I cant seem to get the stench out of the house.
Just to be clear he doesnt eat junk food as im not a fan, we eat healthy, weirdly it seems the more nervous he gets about his flatulence the worse it gets. The weekend was the last straw, I had to sleep downstairs as the smell in our room was disgusting.
He's had a colonoscopy, showed nothing, stool samples etc, theyre saying ibs as he's other wise healthy apart from the putrid farting which is ruining everything.

Wind up surely.

Huh?

There are loads of ways in which we treat adults and children differently, and where we 'control' children in a way we don't (or shouldn't) with adults.

I don't control what time my DH goes to bed.

I don't control how many sweets my DH eats.

I don't control how much screen time my DH has.

Who says eating meat goes against children's moral code anyway?

I appreciate the suggestions, there's no need to be rude though and suggest I'm controlling him as a minority here are doing, he shares my values which is important in a relationship, especially about animal welfare. I realise its not important to some people however and dont preach about it.

When we met he wasn't vegan, no, ok now? He lived on fast food and was overweight and unhealthy, and his bmi now is perfect, so must be doing something right! And yes he did used to fart quite a bit, just not as much as toxic smelling, but we didnt live together then so i dont really know if they were as bad when we lived separately.

He's saying he doesn't want to phone my sister, so i'll let it go. Funny how im so controlling though, right? 😩 I just thought it was right to apologise but maybe not.

This is precisely the reason why the next house I buy will have an outside toilet as well as an indoor one. Some of us will use the indoor one, but one of us will be using the outdoor one.

If he's got no illness, farting is controllable.
He should go to the toilet to fart, like any civilised person.

@Tiptopsshape I can’t believe you were seriously trying to make him ring your sister to apologise for farting.

he shares my values which is important in a relationship, especially about animal welfare. I realise its not important to some people however and dont preach about it.

Respectfully OP, if you actually believed he shares those deeply held values then you wouldn't be looking through bins for 'evidence'.

I have IBS and a lot of vegan amd "healthy" foods are big triggers. Even before I had it, I couldn't eat lentils or beans as I would get severe pain and gas.

Going low fodmap for a while helped pin down some more triggers. Vegan and low fodmap would be hard, I would suggest just doing low fodmap as it is hard enough!

I agree. Weird thread 😕

I'm a vegan, and I have mild IBS that flares up randomly. Like you, I am vegan for ethical reasons, so when I have issues I personally can't just turn omnivorous again.
With that said - recently I had a similar issue. In the end, I cut out pretty much everything except for carbs for a few days. Literally ate just noodles, potatoes, etc. It was such a relief for my sore belly 😂 I think the problem was prior to and during this episode I was eating a LOT of lentils and cruciferous veg. I'm back to eating normal now but have reduced how often I eat those.
If he eats a lot of tofu or other soy products, I'd be cutting that first.

I have a couple of chronic bowel conditions and decided one day I could fix myself with a vegan diet.

It absolutely broke my bowels. Farting, shitting, cramping. Sharting.

Some people simply cannot digest beans, onions, legumes, high folate foods. And nuts and seeds are SUCH a no-no for people with wonky bowels. This is coming from me on here but I was told it first hand by my gastroenterologist, who has about thirty years experience. He said 'No, you need a LOOOOOW fibre diet. Forever.'

Basically all the things you think you should eat to be healthy make a dicky digestive system ten times worse. I'm better off with a slice of toast and a bit of jam for breakfast than I am with granola and oat milk.

I live off chicken, fish, rice, spuds, cucumber, peas, with tiny little bits of other veggies. Occasional red meat treat. I'm fine with all fruit except bananas, in moderation. Fine with dairy, in fact, my body really likes dairy. So I eat a lot of Greek yoghurt. If I do this my flare ups reduce drastically, and I rarely fart.

Hello, if you insist on being vegan, please look into soaking and sprouting lentils, beans, wheat etc. Hope this really helps your IBS! 😊

Kind of ironic how he turned vegan to be in this relationship, and now eating vegan is what is ruining it.

Sadly most people dont realize theres no nutritional value of exploiting animals, that you can't still get in an ethical meat/animal produce free diet, but each to their own.

Its rather strange how on one hand side I'm being told how rude and unnecessary it is for dh to fart at dinner party, but im a monster for wanting him to apologise 🤔

Seeing as it ruined the dinner i see it as sort of a big deal, but i guess you had to be there 😒

To reiterate hes a lot healthier than he was pre vegan diet, high energy etc, its just the excessive gas and smell thats the issue, not his general health. Like i said his bmi absolutely brilliant, especially since when we met he was borderline fat

He should look at his diet. A diet rich in vegetables, legumes, and complex grains can become absolutely toxic in the digestive tract of some people.

You need to allow him to try eating however his body needs him to eat to reduce this problem.

If you believe he shares the same deeply held beliefs on eating meat as you and you trust him... why are you looking through bins for 'evidence' that he's lying? It's bizarre behaviour and shows you don't trust him at all.

The vegan diet is your choice, but that is not a reason to dismiss the fact that your food choices may be causing this.
Perhaps look at cutting out some foods...see pp who stuck to carbs for a week...and see what happens.
It may be that he has to have a very restricted diet.

As a vegan, I suggest he experiments with switching back to an omni diet and see how he goes. It sounds intolerable atm, especially for him - he must be so embarrassed.

I feel really sorry for both of you.

If it was food you would not be having the same issues. I have a friend with Crohn’s so severe he is basically on a no fiber diet. Eating a fleck of vegetable by mistake can send him to the hospital.

different people react differently to the same exact food.

This!

Does he drink almond milk?

My son’s trumps used to stink so badly. Since eliminating almond milk and granola he is thankfully whiff-free.

Your DP being vegan is good for the animals. But you cant say being vegan is good for him. He's suffering. His bowels are in distress. He's humiliating himself when in company. A child had everyone turn on him, blame him and call him a liar ffs.

If he wants to stay vegan then he needs to figure out which foods are triggering this. But he might end up making himself ill if he has to cut out too many food groups.

It absolutely will be what he's eating. DH had this problem and I with him for many years. His IBS got worse and worse until I basically said enough was enough and then he sorted himself out. Very little issue now unless he eats something that doesn't agree with him (Xmas won't be great). So for him too much gluten, too much dairy anything from the cabbage family, too many beans etc will have him in trouble. Dried fruit. Your DH doesn't eat meat so that isn't relevant but my DH can only eat white meat and definitely no eggs in their whole form. He definitely should look at FODMAP and work from there. Once he's stripped his diet back he can start introducing things to see if it affects. He should also take probiotics to support his gut flora and peppermint is helpful too. DH uses Buscopan when he needs to - a lot when he's stressed - much less when he's not!

Too much fibre is a no no for IBS. No brown rice/bread etc unless it's occasional.