DH farting problem ruining relationship

[Tiptopsshape]

So basically what it says on the tin. Married 4 years, everythings fine, really cant conplain at all except for the farting issue. And yes he's had all sorts of tests, diet changes, nothing helps 😣 he's massively self conscious of it, smell is putrid to the point of making me feel sick, and so embarrassing when visiting parents or with friends, I cant seem to get the stench out of the house.
Just to be clear he doesnt eat junk food as im not a fan, we eat healthy, weirdly it seems the more nervous he gets about his flatulence the worse it gets. The weekend was the last straw, I had to sleep downstairs as the smell in our room was disgusting.
He's had a colonoscopy, showed nothing, stool samples etc, theyre saying ibs as he's other wise healthy apart from the putrid farting which is ruining everything.

if it was the food I'd have the same issue,

No @Tiptopsshape , some of us can handle it, others can't. My bestie can't eat many beans or drink smoothies without having issues.

He wasn't a vegan when we met no, but its very important to me, not just for health reasons

This vegan diet won't be helping his digestive issues and you need to prioritize his health if it's important to you (as well as it will help with the fart issue.

If he's tried the FODMAP, maybe he needs to try it for longer. And not temporarily keep particularly fibrous foods out according to FODMAP, but keep them out unless he really fancies baked beans one time or something to the extent he doesn't mind a day of farts.

Here's the thing, OP

As you're definitely not controlling, you'll have no issues with him trying my suggestion

Just to clarify he didn't sit at the table at my sisters and let one rip! He's not that rude. He said it was accidental, and like ive said ive told him he needs to phone her and apologise as it ruined dinner, my dad and sister had to go open the windows it was that bad 😣 now he's refusing to go there again which is just silly so i said just need to apologise.

Is this a wind up thread?

WHAT WERE HIS FARTING AND BOWEL HABITS LIKE BEFORE YOU MADE HIM EAT VEGAN?

Yes I'm sure humiliating the poor guy further by FORCING him to phone your family and discuss his poor bowels will help masses. You sound unhinged, obsessive and a bully. Think of your poor partner for once.

I'm getting the impression you'd rather he was lying about eating meat than question whether your vegan diet suits his constitution.

My husband can not process lentil and various other beans/pulses. I can. It's really not that difficult to understand.

I think its unfair to say its the vegan 'diet'. Of course if you eat more fibre rich foods, you're going to fart more. But not all vegitarians and vegan live on Brussels sprouts and baked beans lol. Blaming being vegan is just ignorance and prejudice.

Ops husband can still be vegan but may have to make some changes to his diet. You wouldn't give up a deeply held belief like compassion for all animals because of a bit of gas anyway.

Please don't insist he phones your family to apologise for farting. Surely it is a non issue now the event has passed?

I appreciate all the replies, ive lost countof the number of tests he's had, we've taken certain things out of the diet too with a foodmap but it makes no difference, and if it was the food I'd have the same issue

Eh? That's like me saying that my friend with a dairy allergy should just eat cheese like me because it can't be the cheese that's the issue or I'd react badly too. All bodies are different.

Do you understand that the diet working for your body doesn't mean it works for other people's too?

which makes me think he might be eating meat or junk food behind my back possibly, although cant see any evidence when ive looked through the bin.

Was this an issue he had before going vegan, or not? Lots of people have asked but I don't think you've answered.

When you're searching through bins for 'evidence' I'm afraid you're either being very controlling and / or have zero trust in your partner's word.

@Pinkbonbon op said they've tried cutting out foods within their vegan diet with no luck. And you'll note she is also saying their relationship is impacted because of his 'bit of wind'. She now wants to shame him to her family for the sake of some toddlers not getting the blame for letting one rip.

Out of curiosity, why is it cruel to eat the eggs from my very happy free range chickens in my garden? They're very happy and well cared for and will lay with or without my actually eating their eggs.

I think its unfair to say its the vegan 'diet'. Of course if you eat more fibre rich foods, you're going to fart more. But not all vegitarians and vegan live on Brussels sprouts and baked beans lol

@Pinkbonbon True but it is more likely. He might even not get on with tofu, and beans are a major source of protein in the vegan diet.

You wouldn't give up a deeply held belief like compassion for all animals because of a bit of gas anyway.

Depends how bad it is. He might well have cramps etc too. And he's making his wife want to vomit, and he's embarrassed in company, so it's effecting his life.

You’re making him ring your sister and admit to being the one who Farted and apologise?! I’m sorry but this is outrageous and quite frankly humiliating. I would also refuse to go again. I would think twice before making your husband do this, it sounds insanely controlling and belittling.

You are being quite ridiculous insisting on your vegan diet. Why are you looking in the bin for what your partner and an adult is eating??

What's even more ridiculous is you insisting he makes a phone call to apologise.
You mentioned that he already feels bad as it is, no need to make him feel worse. Leave him to figure it out and stop being so controlling.

Will you reconsider making him ring your family? I genuinely think it's cruel.

No one MAKES another grown adult eat anything. He is a grown man who can cook his own food if he doesn't want what she makes. Or, leave her.

Funily enough however, we do tend to make children eat meat from a young age, when they have no say over it. Surely we all remember a time in our lives where we thought 'I don't want to eat pigs/cows/sheep'. We are all conditioned to do something that goes against our moral code from a young age.

But as adults we may choose our own path. If ops husband is a grown man, he can choose to eat or not eat as he pleases. Its is hypocritical to claim his wife is controlling for wanting him to be vegan when the chances are, we ourselves as a society generally expect children to eat meat whether they want to or not and they, have no control over it.

Just something to think about.

Please do not force your husband to call your sister to apologise. He feels humiliated enough as it is. Just forget about it for now. How long has your husband been vegan? What were his flatulence and bowel issues like before? There is obviously something in his diet that is not agreeing if all other tests are coming back negative. Unless he's had this problem before he was vegan - which you still haven't clarified.

Didn't realise he was vegan. Ignoring how I feel about that, you should at least soak and sprout the beans, lentils, wheat etc that he consumes.

I eat healthily, and am a healthy weight etc., i simply cannot process onions. If i have them i will be toxic for a day or two, the smell even emanates from the skin on my back as confirmed by my poor OH. So i cut them out off my diet, no leeks either. But sometimes a meal out or one we haven't made will have then in it, and we'll be reminded of why i don't eat them. So i second the idea of doing a process of elimination. I don't have iBS, i don't have any allergies, and like me he may simply be intolerant of a thing.

I also notice the difference with water. You are right. Dont know what the connection is but its true!!

As the OP is pointedly refusing to answer whether her DH had these issues before he switched to a vegan diet, I think I can draw my own conclusion here...

OP you sound controlling and OTT. I really feel sorry for your DH. Switch to bottled water and charcoal tablets. Have fennel seeds before bed and mint tea, they should help

Brothers mate was similar. Doc said, don’t eat baked beans or brown sauce, and don’t drink beer. Do eat a natural yogurt every day. He’s fine now.

Its nothing to do with me being 'controlling' actually, we discussed why its important ethically and he now agrees with my beliefs wholeheartedly, I didn't force him to stop eating meat. Or brainwash him if thats the suggestion.

And yet.....you are going through the bins to check if he has been eating meat behind your back?

Poor guy, having to phone to specifically apologise about a fart, subjected to vegan diet and 'bin checks'. He should be the one posting on Mumsnet, so we can tell him to LTB.

You made him phone and apologise for a fart? Thats awful