DH farting problem ruining relationship

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So basically what it says on the tin. Married 4 years, everythings fine, really cant conplain at all except for the farting issue. And yes he's had all sorts of tests, diet changes, nothing helps 😣 he's massively self conscious of it, smell is putrid to the point of making me feel sick, and so embarrassing when visiting parents or with friends, I cant seem to get the stench out of the house.
Just to be clear he doesnt eat junk food as im not a fan, we eat healthy, weirdly it seems the more nervous he gets about his flatulence the worse it gets. The weekend was the last straw, I had to sleep downstairs as the smell in our room was disgusting.
He's had a colonoscopy, showed nothing, stool samples etc, theyre saying ibs as he's other wise healthy apart from the putrid farting which is ruining everything.

Actually hunting and gathering wasn't that onerous in much of the world. Less hours working than we do. Depends where you were of course. Somewhere with lots of choices year round would be better.

The places with a lot of good food including meat and seafood, tended to develop art, language etc. quicker because leisure time. Sounds 'good for you' to me!

Weirdly things tasting good evolutionarily generally means it's good. Hence rotting things smell/taste bad to us and cooked meat smells good. Because the early people who are rotting fish died and the ones eating cooked meat lived.

Same idea as why sweet food tastes good. We needed the calories.

Tbf though we cook and then season the hell out of meat though. Herbs and and that. Raw meat is neither tasty or appealing...presumably lol.

Rare steak is hard to beat 🤤🤤

You could say the same for a lot of the plant based foods that 'modern' vegans eat.

Unless quinoa, avocado and coconut are now routinely grown in the UK?

Some societies, especially in the far Northern hemisphere still have a very, very meat and animal product heavy diet. And there are very few societies on this planet that are absolutely vegan. Even places where people eat a lot of plant based food, some animal product is still typically consumed.

Oh of course, theres ethical implications for many things people eat. But with animal agriculture, there's is animal torture on top of that.

As humans we can choose to vve as compassionate and ethical in our choices as possible. But we will still do harm just by existing unfortunately.

But we can try to do the least harm.

You've moved the conversation so far away from the point @Pinkbonbon - it would be absolutely lovely if the whole world could consume in the most ecological and ethical way. But it doesn't and can't.

Case in point: disabled people who are tube fed. You can't tinker with their diets, which contain huge amounts of milk protein with lactose removed, as it's the most digestible option for them.

Another point: me. I have Crohns and bile acid malabsorption. These are the things I have to exclude from my diet in order to function: nuts, seeds, oils eg omega capsules, tomatoes, soy products, most leafy vegetables, some fruits. I couldn't be vegan, there wouldn't be enough I could eat to sustain me.

Which brings me back to the last case in point: the OPs husband. He has IBS, diagnosed. The issues increased when he became vegan. They've tried excluding things from his vegan diet to no avail.

I really hope he gets decent medical advice soon because, if that were me, my gastroenterologist would be having serious words with me. Serious words.

Yeah but tbf...it only makes him fart xD
Open a window. Stand downwind.

Yes sorry I absolutely derailed the thread xD
But the reason was that people were jumping to 'just stop being vegan'. Vegan is not just a diet, it's a whole belief system of values and morals. So of course its not negotiable in ops mind.

That being said, it may be that husband isn't fully on board. And I can see why he would falter if he's doing it for her...and it's still making him farty af despite changes.

Maybe he just can't do it and that's something op will have to accept. Certainly shows a lot of love for her if he has changed his diet for her.

Yes, and OPs husband is finding that a vegan diet is giving him wind that she finds so unbearable that she has to sleep separately from him, and is clearky not good for his digestive tract. So, going back to the point of the thread do you think in that situation it is fair to suggest that he lays off the vegan diet?

I'm not him, I don't know how much he is suffering so...I'd imagine each person has to weigh up what is good enough reason for them to give it up.

In this case though I'm not sure how ops husband feels about his diet. I mean he might just be doing it for his wife. Or he may identify with the outlook now himself.

Fir me, if I was vegan I would probably place more value on animal lives and endure some gas. But maybe that would change if I thought my relationship would change. And of course if I was just doing it in the first place to make her happy, that would change things too.

This thread is making me want to go check Reddit to see what they are saying about it.

@Pinkbonbon The body's pH doesn't change much- which is a good thing as we would die.

Of course it's his diet causing the problem. Absolutely unbelievable that you could think it was anything else. Poor man. Everything you eat causes wind.

How many people who eat meat would go out and hunt it themselves? Its easier not to question ethics when you buy it in a shop without thinking about it. At least vegans think about this sort of thing.

Regarding the OP husband, I couldn't see any mention of him being unhealthy or ill, just bad smelling farts, it's not the end of the world. We all fart and they never smell good! Incense, sprays, to mask the smell in the house? Seems less drastic than going back to eating meat IMO anyway.

@Atomicblondiee

Regarding the OP husband, I couldn't see any mention of him being unhealthy or ill, just bad smelling farts, it's not the end of the world. We all fart and they never smell good!

She said he's been told he has IBS. She has expanded further on his diet when asked and many of the things she said they eat regularly would be triggers for most IBS sufferers.

And I don't think the below description is anywhere close to 'normal' smell levels. OP says she can't rid the house of the smell. The poor bloke must feel constantly on edge and humiliated by his body's issue. His social anxiety caused by this issue is also likely to be another trigger.

I know it sounds like im exaggerating but the smell is so putrid its enough to clear a room, utterly foul smelling, and happens regularly throughout the day, he works from home luckily (or unlucky for me!) although doubt work could sack someone for farting anyway. I dont go in his home office as it stinks. In summer at least we could open windows in the house!

He is very self conscious and he worries that when we're out socially that people are put off, if he tries to hold it in he gets bad gas pain. We were at my sisters a few weeks ago for dinner and her kid ended up getting blamed for the stink, we were both too embarrassed to say anything, and now hes saying he's not going again.

His current diet is not working for his body. That's not an anti-vegan statement, it's a fact.

Instead of being open to people's suggestions of him trying different foods (these could still be vegan) or reducing certain foods he currently eats, OP just keeps repeating that he's healthier than ever and that he would never eat meat, even though she earlier said she had looked in the bins for evidence he might be.

But he's not healthier than ever. Because he is passing gas so foul smelling she often can't tolerate sharing a room with him, their home constantly smells and the poor fella now has social anxiety which is affecting their life together. I feel so sorry for him, his mental health must be being so damaged from the effects of this issue.

He needs to take control and get this looked into more, privately if needed, but he will be asked to FODMAP properly and OP should be supportive of this rather than keep saying that it can't be the diet that's the issue as she eats the same thing and she's fine...

I'm not allergic to cherries but my partner is. If he ate some and had an allergic reaction, i can't imagine saying well I'm fine when I eat them so it can't be that he's got an issue with.

@monsteramunch That is so well put. I really hope OP takes it on board.

I appreciate the comments, less so the nasty ones who are just attacking me, i suppose when you post on here you're going to get mud slung at you.

Just to clarify Im not forcing him to be vegan and he shares my beliefs and he's admitted he's in a lot better shape since he met me, regarding weight loss and his bmi, plus he doesnt need energy drinks to get through the day and for all those who dismiss this have no idea how addicting they are and how much they do damage to the body. No small feat!

And i resent the idea that im uncaring, I've pushed for every single test as if it was up to him he'd suffer in silence, when we were getting fobbed off by doctors i insisted on the tests, and was told its ibs, and im willing to alter his diet and make a plan for him to follow, but im obviously wary of introducing animal products, and i dont think it'll help as like i say he had noisy bowel movements and farting on his pre vegan diet, its more that the farts are much more foul smelling.

Its not that he cant hold the gas in, it's just that it hurts to hold it in. I know hes not farting to wind me up, hes very self conscious about it, so i try and understand and not have a go at him about it as i know its not something he can help. Ive suggesting going to the bathroom if he needs to fart but its difficult when he has an episode when he's farting quite frequently, but if we have company he's going to need to try. We have a downstairs bathroom so its not like hes climbing stairs all day.

Maybe im over reacting, i just find the stench too much at times 😣 i cant get rid of the smell, it feels like its permeated thw whole house.

You aren't listening or you're not understanding. People aren't saying he has to eat meat to stop this. People are saying that there is something within his vegan diet that is causing this. He needs to figure out what it is that is causing it and remove that from his diet. Eating what he eats now with meat isn't going to change anything. It's not the lack of meat that is the problem. It's the food he is eating now that is.

You don't have to introduce animal products, at least at this time. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of the problem without compromising your veganity! But what he is eating now is hurting his gut.

You/he needs to find out what it is that it is hurting his gut. Honestly, gut health has an effect on everything else. Mental health, heart health, the list goes on.

I have gut issues, one of my parents does, and one of my grandparents. But funnily enough, it's been been mother's side and father's side and both skipped a generation. Diet can be very influenced by environment and emotion. But it's very important to get it right. It can be incredibly painful and embarrassing, not to mention lethal, when it goes wrong. A new day a new legume learned...

I can see that you want him to be well, but you seem so defensive about his change in diet being the cause that you aren't listening to sensible advice. He can still be vegan, but you really need to look at FODMAP. And see it as a way to build things back in and test them. I can tolerate onions, my parent cannot. They can tolerate nuts, and sadly for me I can't.

It is so individual. It takes a LOT of experimentation. And even when you think you've found an even keel, something new can still rear it's head and you have to change all over again. It's not fun. And it's embarrassing. And painful.

Please don't get so defensive about it. It isn't about it being an attack on veganism, or an attack on you. Hopefully, and seemingly so, you love this man that you married and want him to live well.

Is he in pain after he eats, or becomes tired ?

Has he seen a motility specialist ? They come under gastro but they deal specifically with the digestion and movement of food, the muscles pushing it through the digestive system, from mouth to other end.

You need to get him firstly off a high fibre diet, never known anyone fare well with that who has digestive problems with wind. Make sure the fibre he has is soluble fibre as opposed to insoluble fibe, and make sure veg is cooked well.

Bland food will help him,
I had IBS, with many bouts of constipation till I ended up with psuedo obstuctions, and gastroparesis., which is paraylasis of the stomach. some people have difficulty breaking down foods and getting the energy from those foods, and add into to that the muscles not working through the gut.
Mine was a mitochondrial disease found out by genetic testing, there is no right or wrong for food diets, for you vegan works and does for many but not all healthy foods are healthy for all.
His prolific wind is being caused by something, I would say, stay away from, seeds, pulses, any kind of skin on fruit, ptotatoes etc, in fact be very careful with fruit as that can cause much pain.
I wouldn.t put him back on red meat, but white meat if he wants to be a carnivor.

Have a read about SIBO, that could help, it's why many go on probiotics.
Pain from wind can be unbelievably painful, I hope you get some answers, the fact that he smells so much sounds like something is fermenting in his bowels.

Does his breath ever smell. does he ever suffer with constipation or is it mainly loose, because if it's runny and explosive it can mean it's travelling arround constipation.

Op for what it’s worth I do t think you’re forcing him.

I will say this. As a vegetarian I can often smell both when someone eats a lot of meat (they have this sweet odd scent) and those who are vegan (a bit of a broccoli scent). I know I sound crazy but I can smell it. Hugging someone especially.

It is very likely the vegan diet is making his gas foul. Maybe probiotics will help. I feel awful for him. He’s now at a healthy bmi and he’s plagued by this.

I wonder if a gentle vegan diet and less anxiety might help.Sone people get anxiety gas. I’ve never had it but it is a thing.

I feel very bad for him and I hope there is something that can help.

PS someone brought up Keto and I’m going to gently disagree

i do keto quite a bit (off now cuz holidays and best foods are out!) but people actually will smell worse at first.

also keto can be done as a vegan but it’s no way to live. I can do it as a vegetarian and it’s still difficult to hit my macros.

You looked through the bin?!!!!

OP just stop mentioning his BMI and weight. You are using those as a sticking plaster to cover his illness. You're proud of your achievement in creating the perfect male physique. We get it. Except it isn't perfect is it? You can bear to be around this body you've created. What about his right to have a quality of life?

He has a chronic bowel condition, which could become a chronic bowel disease if left to run unchecked. You've given us absolutely no insight whatsoever into how he feels or what he wants to do. It's like you're talking about your child, not your husband.

I would ask him the following questions.

Do you want to keep things as they are now, or try and make some changes to improve your quality of life?

Would you consider consulting a dietician?

Would you consider a FODMAP exclusion diet, including animal proteins and dairy?

*can't