DH farting problem ruining relationship

[Tiptopsshape]

So basically what it says on the tin. Married 4 years, everythings fine, really cant conplain at all except for the farting issue. And yes he's had all sorts of tests, diet changes, nothing helps 😣 he's massively self conscious of it, smell is putrid to the point of making me feel sick, and so embarrassing when visiting parents or with friends, I cant seem to get the stench out of the house.
Just to be clear he doesnt eat junk food as im not a fan, we eat healthy, weirdly it seems the more nervous he gets about his flatulence the worse it gets. The weekend was the last straw, I had to sleep downstairs as the smell in our room was disgusting.
He's had a colonoscopy, showed nothing, stool samples etc, theyre saying ibs as he's other wise healthy apart from the putrid farting which is ruining everything.

You keep saying the same thing OP

He was fat and now he is slimmer/lower BMI and you keep equating this with him being more healthy - BUT HE IS NOT. HIS GUT IS NOT HEALTHY

And you are refusing to entertain the idea that a Vegan diet might suit him because it is, oh so important, to you.

You have made him feel embarrassed about his condition (unkind)
You have pressured him to call YOUR sister to apologise for farting (insane)
You police his diet to the point of checking the bins for take away wrappers
You have pressured him to adopt a lifestyle that isn't working for him and all you keep banging on about are your values....
He might even have come to agree with the idea of being vegan but it ISN'T WORKING FOR HIM

You are coming across as deeply controlling and borderline unhinged.

You posted on MN but refuse to listen to any of the answers - all your posts are broadly the same. But he was Fat. Repeat. But it matters to me. Repeat. I checked the bins. Repeat.

Stop being so utterly self-absorbed. Be kind. Tell him to try eating a more balanced diet based on Foodmap over a period of time to see how he gets on.

So making him phone up and apologise is awful, but letting a kid take the blame is awful too! Any other suggestions because i cant see one either way.

We're married and like i said the rest of the relationship is fine, i dont think an option is to divorce him! Why is everything so simplified? Its just the flatulence that is really making me miserable.

He knew about my beliefs and understood how important it was to me, so ive not misled him in any way.

@Tiptopsshape
Is it possible, that the farting is normal but your tolerance for the smell is very low ?

www.weightwatchers.com/us/blog/weight-loss/fodmap-diet?g_acctid=660-791-9578&g_adgroupid=&g_adid=&g_adtype=none&g_campaign=The7Stars_WW_Performance+Max_qdstw_qobjc_qbudc_qaudp_qrtgn_qpma_qostz_qdevz_qlobr_qgeon_qkwn&g_campaignid=17432490161&g_keyword=&g_keywordid=&g_network=x&gclid=Cj0KCQiA-JacBhC0ARIsAIxybyNXZEg7EQmXDHFYF0pVlJVM-yv_6TUH9L50GNWAlSN8KIFtGQY4chMaAhqtEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Put him on this diet and see if there are improvements

I think you should leave, since you sound fucking batshit mental and he deserves a break.

It sounds like classic IBS to me, particularly as you mention the gas pain. Keep going with eliminating foods and slowly reintroducing one at a time. It’s generally not meat or junk food but fruits and vegetables that cause the gas with IBS. I’m dairy intolerant and it doesn’t affect the smell of my farts, just how much pain I feel in my abdomen! But I can’t eat onions or the stench is awful 😅 Start with taking out of his diet alliums - that’s onions, leeks, garlic, etc for a few weeks and reintroduce one at a time. Do that across various food groups identified in the fodmap diet over time. Keep a food diary and symptom diary and see if you find any patterns. Don’t stop, keep going until you find the answer - because there will be a vegetable/fruit culprit!

OP, if tests have shown there's nothing wrong I would research a nutritionist who specialises in digestive problems - IMO they're way better than GPs with this kind of thing. This can be sorted out with the help of an expert rather than just trying things randomly. I'd prepare to be flexible about what food he eats though and not make your veganism central to his diet.

You tell your sister, tactfully and privately, that it was your dh as he has a gut problem and he was too embarrassed to say anything at the time, but he sends his apologies. (He's not a child you need to teach a lesson to by forcing him into an in person apology is he?)

If you think this through all the way, do you have a line you won't cross in terms of how much you're willing for him to suffer before you would find it acceptable for him to try animal products in his diet to find a solution to this problem?

Medical treatments themselves often exploit animals in certain ways. Maybe there is no way forward where he gets to be happy and healthy and exploit no animals, for the moment, but there could be in the future if he just does a little experimentation with his diet temporarily?

The dinner nephew thing is in the past. Forget about it. Focus on making sure it doesn't happen again. Your DH needs to sort out his diet.

While he’s getting tested, you could try these pants which claim to help dampen fart smells. Might help his anxiety a little to know that he’s got them on. www.myshreddies.com

DH is not unhealthy though

He's clearly not healthy in this respect.

You and you family handled the dinner party incident really poorly. The human body sometimes expels gas despite our best efforts to hold it in. The polite thing to do is not draw attention to the fact that someone has filled the room with a toxic stench. If it is really bad the host might mention how they are in the mood for a nice breeze as they open a window or if the situation allows suggest moving to conversation in another room. No one is supposed to try to figure out which person caused the offending odor. If something must be said because it can’t be ignored, say something like “happens to the best of us” and change the subject.

if anyone should receive an apology, it is your husband .

Sorry OP haven't read whole thread but this brought to mind Bear Grylls, one-time vegan, now active carnivore, who said that an excess of vegetables causes wind. In his view, it's completely obvious that wind is the body's way of reacting and that these gases aren't good....he put it better. He was talking to Louis Theroux. Very interesting.

I would research a nutritionist who specialises in digestive problems

Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist.

FODMAP is the evidence-based approach, and is easy to find info about.

if anyone should receive an apology, it is your husband

I fully agree.

This. There are a lot of different, diplomatic and tactful, non-shaming ways to handle it.

As for checking the bins, that's awful. You seem to be treating him as an appendage to you, not an independent person in his own right.

BMI is bullshit, weight is not everything. There's also a whole world between eating all the junk you said he had before he met you, and the vegan diet you've pushed on him. He. Is. Not. Healthy. He is unwell, and the constant irritation on his bowels could be causing him long term problems. You're so selfish you care more for a free range chicken that's lived a good, happy life, or a fish than your husbands mental and physical health and your relationship. I also bet you haven't relayed a single comment on to him that this diet is likely the cause of his issues. Batshit, you're beyond help and we're all wasting our breath.

This thread reminded me of a song from my schooldays:

"Beans beans
They're good for your heart
The more you eat the more you fart
The more you fart the better you'll feel
So let's eat beans for every meal!"

Every vegan I know (and I know many) has an issue with overly fragrant emissions, on an excruciating level.

I eat a lot of vegan meals, but I am not totally plant based. Every time I have something vegan, I could knock people out with my farts. Hazard of the situation really.

Its easy to judge and be nasty and be a keyboard warrior (the nasty comments, not the helpful ones) and belittle my beliefs. Or say I'm crazy.
You've no idea how much i feel about DH and how I've been there for him and fighting for all these tests etc with doctors. Just personal insults when I'm in a really difficult situation. Its not a joke or just a fart, its toxic smelling and frequent to the point where i have to leave the room or sleep downstairs and its ruining what is otherwise a great relationship.

When i met him he was overweight, lived off fast food, drank too much, smoked, lived off energy drinks, now he does none of those things. You've literally no idea. I made it clear to him my vegan and animal welfare beliefs and he agreed that they were integral to me, and was willing to change for the better. Im not policing him, its something we both believe in very strongly.

Im going to try and do a foodmap again and work this out, but neither of us can accept adding meat or animal produce into out diet, we will do this ethically and if more tests are needed, as suggested, we will do those.

I second probiotics
Has he been tested for allergies ? Could be milk or egg allergy/intolerance

Just to randomly add, I'm not sure if you're misunderstanding what people mean by FODMAP, just with you saying you will make a foodmap. FODMAP is a acronym and describes a very specific diet excluding certain types of short chain carbs. Google will have loads of info

Don't know if anyone suggested this, but have you tried striking matches or lighting a candle? It really helps to clear the methane.

It's likely the vegan diet, too much veg and fibre causing the stink. You even said it's worse since his diet changed. Most vegans have more pungent farts and it obviously doesn't agree with him. Can't believe you're proposing he cals your sister to apologise for farting though. How humiliating! I'm sure they've forgotten about it already. It looks a bit like your trying to control a lot of how he lives his life and behaves even if you mean well.

It is not healthy for you to go through the bin to try to catch your husband out. Posters are pretty taken a acknowledge that you do that because it's really poor behaviour on your part.

His farts smell because of the vegan diet, not because he is sneaking meat. You seem more convinced that meat and him lying about eating it are the problem (to the point that you distrust him and check his rubbish) than believing that the newer diet is causing issues.

It doesn't mean he has to stop being a vegan (although if nothing works, is it really worth destroying his digestion over?), but that you need to find a different way to balance his meals. Try prebiotic, digestive enzymes, stripping his diet right back and reintroducing things.

But suspicion and blame are not nice ways for you to deal with it.