Partner can't get over my termination

[Greenginghamdress]

Bit of a background:
I have one DD (5 next month)
It was a huge struggle in the early months and I had post partum psychosis and terrible underlying depression.
I fell pregnant by accident when my daughter was 18 months old. I terminated after discussion with my partner who agreed at the time it was the right decision. I don't think we could have coped. I don't regret the decision.
However ever since that day, my partner has thrown the decision in my face.
Over 3 years later, his technique to deal with it is go to the pub, come home drunk and play the terminator music loudly on the Bluetooth speaker. Because I am 'a terminator' apparently 😭 (I only had a termination at 19/20, years before I met him) and have a good at me.
He's spoken to friends, family, I've tried talking to him every which way. He can't get over it.
He says I ruined his life and killed his dreams, and my DD will never have a sibling as it's my fault.
FIL died this week so he's in a bad place mentally although he's been like this before, plenty of times.
I slept on my daughter's floor last night as he was drinking and shouting downstairs and I didn't want him to disturb us. He's been up all night drinking and crying.
I feel bad for him but I'm starting to hate him too.
What would help, counselling? It feels like psychological torture sometimes the way he is with me.

Typos sorry :

• Also not only

• Have a go not have a good

You need to split up.
I don't say that lightly. This is horrible, abusive behaviour.

You know you shouldn’t raise a child in this environment, don’t you? This relationship isn’t going to ever be good because he doesn’t like you.

What have I just read ? He needs to leave and take his poison elsewhere.

I agree, and I don't say it lightly either. You can't live like this and neither can he. It's over. There is no way back from this, it's gone too far.

This is some seriously abusive shit and you deserve better. As does your daughter. Please get help to leave.

Honestly, think of your child and leave. She deserved Better than to be around a man like that. Hes an abusive asshole. From the sounds of your OP, the termination was definitely the right thing to do.

Thanks all. I know 😭
We've spoken about it and he says he won't leave the house and says he will fight me for full custody of DD.

You are in an Abusive relationship ❤️Get out

Op, it doesn’t matter what his reason is. He is abusing you and your child.

You didn’t kill his dreams or ruined his life. It was the right decision for you. Would he have preferred you to be struggling badly with your mental health, but him having his dream of having 2 kids? Never mind the potential impact on your child.

My mum died last year. It’s been an an awful year. Really difficult. What I didn’t do is get drunk and start abusing my partner and child.

HE needs to pursue counselling alone. It’s never recommended to have counselling together in abusive relationships.

If he really feels the way he says he does about you and can’t get passed it, he could leave. But he doesn’t because he likes holding this over you.

If he was struggling but not abusing you, I would far more sympathy. But this is a man who has a drink problem and is abusing you and your child. Doesn’t matter what the reason is, it’s not acceptable.

I think you need to start thinking about planning to leave. Your child can not grow up in this environment.

No that’s not a safe environment for you and your daughter. I don’t think you can do another night with him.

When he is drunk and intimidating and abusing you, call the police and tell them he is scaring you that much you are camped out on your daughters floor.

@Januarcelebration Would that really work? I didn't think the police would be interested in that.

When he is drunk and intimidating and abusing you, call the police and tell them he is scaring you that much you are camped out on your daughters floor.

This. Report his behaviour to police each and every time.

Its domestic violence.

He's not going to get custody of your daughter.

Tell us about the house. Is it owned or rented, whose name is it in etc.

What would help is leaving him.
He's an abusive piece of shit.

We've spoken about it and he says he won't leave the house and says he will fight me for full custody of DD.

So he knows the only way to keep you is to threaten to take your child away. He isn’t just sad, or unhappy, or whatever. He’s an abuser, and he knows it.

Please speak to a women’s charity for real life help. Do you have family you can turn to?

Op he's a dick. You can't stay with him.

I don't quite understand your op tho - you had this termination before you met him?
Is he the partner who got you pregnant and who you discussed it with, or is he a newer partner?

The police don't fuck about with domestic abuse anymore, they'll be all over it.

He needs to seek counselling I see what everyone is saying yes it is abusive but when I had a termination two years later I was feeling suicidal and extremely guilty and still do
he agreed with it at the time and now feels extreme guilt - he needs to explore this but in a better way non abusive way-you both need to attend counselling and he needs to get it in his head that you both agreed to this -some women have terminations without even Considering imput from their partner so it’s good that you made a joint decision-however he now has to live with this as do you. Tell him a termination does not mean that You can never get pregnant again and to get help or leave

They always say they'll fight for full custody.
It's meant to scare you into staying.
Like fuck would these lazy crap fathers want full custody anyway! Once they realise that won't keep you, suddenly they change their minds

Call the police when he starts next time op. I think he sounds dangerous. Try to record him when he is shouting, if you can do it safely.

Yes they will attend for a woman having to camp on her child’s floor because she is scared of her drunk boyfriend who is downstairs shouting abuse at her.

Your child needs protecting and it will be far easier to protect your child from him if every instance is recorded.

@NatalieIsFreezing just to clarify I've had 2 terminations in my life.
1 at barely 20
1 at 34
Different men.

Partner and have been together since I was 27, 10 years ago.
I told him in the early days about my first termination. He was nice to me about it until I had the termination with him at 35.
I'm not proud of either of them, but I had my reasons.
He thinks I'm a terrible person for what I did.