Partner can't get over my termination

[Greenginghamdress]

Bit of a background:
I have one DD (5 next month)
It was a huge struggle in the early months and I had post partum psychosis and terrible underlying depression.
I fell pregnant by accident when my daughter was 18 months old. I terminated after discussion with my partner who agreed at the time it was the right decision. I don't think we could have coped. I don't regret the decision.
However ever since that day, my partner has thrown the decision in my face.
Over 3 years later, his technique to deal with it is go to the pub, come home drunk and play the terminator music loudly on the Bluetooth speaker. Because I am 'a terminator' apparently 😭 (I only had a termination at 19/20, years before I met him) and have a good at me.
He's spoken to friends, family, I've tried talking to him every which way. He can't get over it.
He says I ruined his life and killed his dreams, and my DD will never have a sibling as it's my fault.
FIL died this week so he's in a bad place mentally although he's been like this before, plenty of times.
I slept on my daughter's floor last night as he was drinking and shouting downstairs and I didn't want him to disturb us. He's been up all night drinking and crying.
I feel bad for him but I'm starting to hate him too.
What would help, counselling? It feels like psychological torture sometimes the way he is with me.

He's actually emotionally abusing you and I'd speak to Women's Aid for advice.

Given that he's talking about making a split horrendous and about residency, it will be helpful to you to have the emotional abuse on record. And that is what it is. He has been basically torturing you and the abortion is an excuse for it, not the reason.

If there's a next time you're hiding out from him, call the cops.

Who's house is it? Do you work OP?

He doesn’t think you are a terrible person.

If he did, he would have left and fought for custody of your child.

He is using it as an excuse to drink and abuse you.

Leave him and fast.

He is abusive.

He doesn't really think you're a terrible person for it, it's an excuse to abuse you.

Thanks for the replies.
House in both our names. He pays more mortgage as (much) higher earner. I do work though and get paid ok.

This. Report every time. Call them when he is drunk and abusive.

Please leave and take your DD with you. Do you have anyone you can stay with?
This is abusive behaviour.

@Jifmicroliquid I don't have anyone I can stay with unfortunately. My parents won't take us in and I don't have any close friends that would either.

Bloody hell, what a vile thing to do! He agreed to the termination as well, so he's not a poor innocent hard done by partner here!
Just imagine when your daughter is old enough to understand what he's doing and saying (if she doesn't already). Get away from him.

I see, sorry... you don't have to feel proud or not proud - it seems like you made absolutely the right decision for you.

If he can't deal with the consequences of sex and what happens when you risk pregnancy in your partner, then he shouldn't be having sex tbh.

Even if you'd continued with the pregnancy he could have thought of something else you'd done that he decided was "terrible" enough to abuse you - as pp have said, he's doing this because he wants to.

You’re not recognising what’s happening yet. It is abuse and not at the minor end.
Sadly it won’t stop. You’ve tried things-nothing is going to stop this unfortunately.

You now need to quietly get your ducks in a row and work out your exit plan. Do not tell him this.

Ring women's aid. They might assign you a support worker.
Read their survivors handbook. Work out how you will keep safe in the moment. eg keep out of the kitchen when he is like this.
Gather paperwork-birth certificates and passports and take to your work.
Speak to a solicitor to get advice on finances and divorce.
Speak to your GP so this is logged.
Log all the events and again keep this at work.

Dont feel ashamed or embarrassed xx

Ok so he's so distraught about the termination that he is actually abusive to the child he does have (and you). Have you pointed that out to him?

In any case, yes you need to leave him. He won't get full custody but all the more reason to log with the police so you have evidence should you need it.

@CurlsandSwirls so sorry that happened to you. It sounds very familiar unfortunately.
What happened to you and your mum in the end, did she leave your dad? Thanks for sharing.

This is excellent advice OP, please do this

If you hadn’t had the abortion then he’d be doing this over something else. No one who loves you would treat you like this over anything and you don’t deserve it.

You’ve had lots of great advice here. I hope you can find the strength to act on it.

Log every single with the police. I didn't and massively regret it.

Jesus, what horrible abusive behaviour from him!
The terminator music being played is abhorrent.
Call the police. This man is making you scared.

This is awful OP, and abusive, as many PPs have said. So sorry.

He's an absolute bastard.

You're like a frog in a pot.

you might not see how bad the situation is, but we do.

he doesn't get to choose whether he leaves or not, the court will do it for him if he doesn't leave willingly.

it's a shame you haven't called the police each time, but if he's at all threatening/scary, call them!!

call womens aid, they'll have lots of help & advice for you.

your upbringing seems to have taught you that you are not worthy of better than this. You are.
xx

What a fucking shithead. Don't walk, OP, run. This is the lowest abuse I've ever read on here.

OP you are in grave danger, I don't say that lightly. He hates you, you have to leave. Some good advice on here, please take it.

What a disgusting prick he is

absolute disgrace