His home is unclean

[Minidaisy]

My boyfriend moved back in with his mother after his divorce. He had no property as he and his ex wife used to rent. I stopped over while his mother was away. I felt depressed staying there as a lot of the rooms are painted dark, some of the lights don't work and need an electrician, there is a lot of clutter and a strong smell of cats as they walk on the kitchen worktops which one urinated a lot in the home. When his mother was away he kept the cats in one room and the smell went. There was mould all over the showerhead and the bath jets which I had to clean the mould off the shower head and jets because I don't want to be showering in mould. His mother does no housework and stays in her room as she gets depressed.

Now his mother his back she wants the cats to roam around the house. He even told her his daughters won't stop over because of the cats.

I do blame him because he had one cat which got pregnant and he personally kept 2 kittens but got rid of another 4 kittens. I cant understand him as he said he can't stand the cats.

My boyfriend is saving for a deposit and keeps saying he wants to move out as soon as he can. I just don't want to stop there again. My mood has lifted since I got home as it light and clean.

Cats shouldn’t be locked in one room, that’s very unfair on them. Do they have enough litter trays? It should be one per cat, they don’t like sharing so will toilet elsewhere. The cats should also be spayed to prevent yet more unwanted kittens, there are enough in rescues already. He sounds very irresponsible.

Why doesn’t he do the housework? Why is it his mothers job when he’s living there too? I’m not sure I’d find a bloke that didn’t want to help his mum by sorting the electrics, doing housework and neutering the cats, very attractive tbh. Depression is a horrible condition to live with, it’s a shame he doesn’t want to help her in any way.

Why didn't he get the cat spayed. I hope he has a good job and is saving for his own place.

It's up to you what you tolerate really.

Personally I'd want him to move out and rent his own place. If he can't afford to do that as he wants to save up, then he should probably wait till he can put a deposit down on a home like he planned.

I wouldn't get into a relationship with a man so soon after his divorce that he still hadnt sorted somewhere else to live.

But if you want to slum it, then thems the breaks.

I couldn’t tolerate that. Non functioning adult. Wonder why his marriage ended.

So he doesn't clean the house he lives in? You know it means he won't clean the house he buys. Or, if you love in together, clean the house you both live in.

You've had fair warning.

*move

If the home with his mother is dirty and unkempt, ime he will not give a shit about cleanliness in your house. When I moved into ex mil house, it was dank cluttered and awful. I should have run like the wind. Overtime I Did manage to decorate and sort stuff out. He just didn't give a shit though.

I don't understand if he lives there why isn't he cleaning?

Do. Not. Let. Him. Move. Into. Your. House.

To be fair to him he does vacuum around and wipe the kitchen worktops but works long shifts and has his own health issues to deal with too. The house got into disrepair as she let it go for many years when she lived alone so it is harder to maintain.

He sounds like a man child. Ick.

He won’t get the cat spayed or look after the kittens properly? Of course he can’t hee them all shut in one room. Cruelty.

And he expects you to clean mould off his mother’s shower?

Good luck. What on earth do you see in him?

He needs to rent a flat /bedsit now. His health will likely improve. Cat pee isn't good for you...

He shares a home with a woman who doesn't clean, and so the house doesn't get cleaned.

Fair warning, as a pp said.

Might be worth noting that if he is like this currently, then this is the way he will be if he ever lives with you too. A different level of what he considers cleanliness to you, meaning you'll be doing most of the leg work when it comes to cleaning.

Pretty soon he will be hinting that he wants to stay with you. If you want your house to resemble his house, let him move in with you.

I would have lost interest as soon as I saw his house.

So he abuses animals because he neglected one in the first place. And it's too much like hard work to do anything about it.

You know he's probably hoping for you to say 'don't waste the money on a deposit. It wouldn't be fair on your children to have to miss out on seeing you because they can't stay in your bedsit/mother's house. Move in with me', don't you? And then you'll be cleaning up after him (and a neglected cat or ten) as well.

He's disgusting and incapable of taking care of an animal's basic needs. Or his - or he'd have cleaned the house properly before you got to the mouldy bathroom.

Run. Run, run. just make sure you don't trip over more shite as you go.

Well.. he sounds like the best catch ever.
And I say that as someone who has a mould and dirt (carpets bring disgusting) problem because of my severely disabled DD being frequently sick , washing machine on non stop and mould because it needs to be renovated and we are waiting two years already for the work to start.
I feel sick in my own home.
I definitely wouldn’t in someone else’s because I would not be round there.
Dont let him move in

I think you are absolutely spot on. He is constantly spraying air fresheners and Glade plug ins which are bad for your health and I have told him this but he doesn't see the connection. I start choking on the spray and tell him does not need to do this but he is paranoid about the cat smell. He said he has a cat allergy and always has itchy eyes. He said when he gets his own place he won't have cats. He won't cook at home because the cats walk on the worktops and I worry because he doesn't eat properly.

He's a catch isn't he .

That is the problem we spent a lot of time together and liked each other before I went to his home. I wish I had known a lot earlier.

No chance he'll cook anywhere, probably.

He doesn't sound much of a catch, OP. Doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't look after dependent animals......................

Let me guess. The sex is amazing?

You worry because he doesn’t eat properly?!

Raise your standards, OP because they’re rock bottom at the moment if you’re prepared to settle for an animal abusing, selfish, feckless, waste of space.

Pretty soon he will be hinting that he wants to stay with you.

He is already hinting with his "cat allergies" and the "keeps saying he wants to move out as soon as he can."

He sounds like a loser to be honest. He has a cheek dating when he cant even look after himself let alone anyone else

It’s his mothers home and she’s right to want the cats to roam. It’s not fair to keep them locked up. He needs to get his own place