His home is unclean

[Minidaisy]

My boyfriend moved back in with his mother after his divorce. He had no property as he and his ex wife used to rent. I stopped over while his mother was away. I felt depressed staying there as a lot of the rooms are painted dark, some of the lights don't work and need an electrician, there is a lot of clutter and a strong smell of cats as they walk on the kitchen worktops which one urinated a lot in the home. When his mother was away he kept the cats in one room and the smell went. There was mould all over the showerhead and the bath jets which I had to clean the mould off the shower head and jets because I don't want to be showering in mould. His mother does no housework and stays in her room as she gets depressed.

Now his mother his back she wants the cats to roam around the house. He even told her his daughters won't stop over because of the cats.

I do blame him because he had one cat which got pregnant and he personally kept 2 kittens but got rid of another 4 kittens. I cant understand him as he said he can't stand the cats.

My boyfriend is saving for a deposit and keeps saying he wants to move out as soon as he can. I just don't want to stop there again. My mood has lifted since I got home as it light and clean.

Where are your standards? Is he unbelievable in bed or something?

I feel sorry for you that you will put up with such a loser. What does he actually bring to your life??

By your latest posts it feels like he has really done a number on you. Excuses for everything and even has you worrying about him. How long has he been saving to move out? How long have you been together?

I just couldn't hang out with in a romantic context (or have sex with) someone who lives like that.
Doesn't he stink?
He's not looking after himself or his children, why why why are you dating him???

He sounds unhygienic

Uncaring towards his Mum

Cruel towards the animals

This. Animal abusing cretin

Oh for fucks sake. Listen to yourself.

Are you seriously (a) excusing, and (b) planning to stay with this filthy, useless, animal abusing deadbeat dad who doesnt give a fuck about his children, his mum, or his pets?!!

So he has neuteredthe mum cat, but what about her offspring?
If one or both are female, what do you think will happen?
I've dealt with 4 months old cats that were pregnant... (I'm a cat rescue volunteer)

If you want to stay involved, i suggest you:-

Get the RSPCA or a cat rescue to collect the cats.

Call Adult Social Services re. his mum.

And wash your hands off him and read Women Who Love Too Much.

And go from there.

Oh dear no that's a trashfire

Get away from him and keep your sanity.

I live in a house share so he certainly won't move in with me as the landlord won't allow it. It is a complicating situation as someone else partly owns the house but does not live there so they should be paying for an electrician. I can see why my boyfriend won't spend money on the property as the property will be going to his niece who has manipulated the owner into signing it over to her through financial abuse as she has got the owner to give her money tooas they have dementia. I don't see why my boyfriend should spend all of his money doing up a property he has no ownership of and never will.

So one owner has dementia and one is disabled. And at no point has your Prince Charming contacted a solicitor to stop these people being financially abused? Brilliant.

He's a lazy arsehole. I'd run for the hills. If he cares this little now, imagine what it will be like a few years down the line 🤢

Nobody thinks this guy in a keeper.

I can't imagine you having sex with him in his dirty bed. Ick.

He's likely telling you a bunch of lies.
There is no reason, none at all he can't clean up where he lives.

The place is such a tip that's probably why nobody has called to get repairs done.

What's the point in you posting if all you do is make excuses?

Regardless of who owns the house, if it's not being sorted then it's his MOTHER! No wonder she js depressed. She needs help!!!

Cleaning is not something the home owner should sort anyway. He needs to book himself some days off work and get it sorted. And get extra litter trays for the poor cats that are probably the only thing that make his mum happy.

Hire a rug doctor. Start with the lounge and mum's bedroom then move on to his etc. Or use some of his savings to pay for a deep clean.

Then ask on Facebook for an electrician to come and at least quote. It may just be a simple light fitting change.

Once it's been done, he will be able to keep on top of it. It's impossible to say where is allergies have come from at the moment but keeping of top of it will help.

If you can't persuade him to do this for his own mother then what hope do you have for the future?

It’s not up to the OP to persuade him to do anything.

She just needs to know that he has actively participated / allowed / enabled this physical filth and emotional mess for years and years.

Its not a new situation.

He hasn’t cared for his young children, mother, self, cats or himself. He can’t even be bothered to fake it / clean up when his new gf comes round.

This is him at his best.

I wonder if the OP was so neglected in childhood that she thinks this is all she deserves from a relationship.

@Luckypoppy No the OP shouldn't do any of that, why would she do those things for him? Shes not his mother, carer or PA, he doesn't need rescuing he needs to sort himself out.

Agree completely.

Men are NOT bloody projects to fix and it is always so depressing to see women write how an OP should step in and "fix" some loser.

The best advice to any woman faced with a lazy, selfish, filthy waster, is one word RUN.

As fast as her legs can move.

Any other advice is pure madness and the road to long term misery and regret.

This man shouldn’t need persuading to do anything.
The moment he moved back in he should have stepped up and sorted out the house. Not add to the mess by getting a cat he then goes onto neglect.

Only a nasty selfish bastard would ignore everything and come up with excuse after excuse.

He has done nothing to protect the vulnerable people who own the house.

He has done nothing to protect the animals from abuse instead he is abusing them

He has done nothing to provide a aafe environment for his own children.

Have you forgotten entirely about his sick mother? Why about he cleans the place and fixes the electrics for his mother?!