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Original poster

His home is unclean

116 replies

Minidaisy · 26/11/2022 20:20

My boyfriend moved back in with his mother after his divorce. He had no property as he and his ex wife used to rent. I stopped over while his mother was away. I felt depressed staying there as a lot of the rooms are painted dark, some of the lights don't work and need an electrician, there is a lot of clutter and a strong smell of cats as they walk on the kitchen worktops which one urinated a lot in the home. When his mother was away he kept the cats in one room and the smell went. There was mould all over the showerhead and the bath jets which I had to clean the mould off the shower head and jets because I don't want to be showering in mould. His mother does no housework and stays in her room as she gets depressed.

Now his mother his back she wants the cats to roam around the house. He even told her his daughters won't stop over because of the cats.

I do blame him because he had one cat which got pregnant and he personally kept 2 kittens but got rid of another 4 kittens. I cant understand him as he said he can't stand the cats.

My boyfriend is saving for a deposit and keeps saying he wants to move out as soon as he can. I just don't want to stop there again. My mood has lifted since I got home as it light and clean.

OP posts:
Byelaws · 27/11/2022 00:48

His mum is ill. It is his house - he should clean it.

why don’t you tell him to clean it, OP?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/11/2022 00:51

I have six cats, a full time job, a small business and busy social life. My house isn't like this. No excuse.

FlowerArranger · 27/11/2022 00:57

I don't really care what you do about your relationship with this loser, but can you at least urge him to get ALL the cats rehomed with people who actually care about cats. What he doing right now is mistreatment and these poor animals deserve better.

SandyY2K · 27/11/2022 01:01

I just wouldn't go over anymore...but I'd also not get too emotionally involved, until he had his own place to live.

ListeningButNotHearing · 27/11/2022 01:19

Stop making excuses for him. The truth is he’s an utter lazy arse.

Why isn’t he cleaning it and clearing it if his mother isn’t up to it.

How he even let you go round there when it’s in such a state shows this is his normal.

The those poor cats should be rehomed to responsible homes.

Set your bar a lot higher unless you want to be with an irresponsible lazy slob.

StClare101 · 27/11/2022 01:58

What an absolute loser. Give him the flick before he’s quietly moved into your place and also not cleaning.

Cw112 · 27/11/2022 02:22

I'm not sure I totally buy this, he's obviously been aware that his mum has been living in these conditions and if she's very depressed I can understand how things have got to that point. However he's just accepted that's how it is rather than stepping up and trying to care for her and get her help. The cats need to

Cw112 · 27/11/2022 02:25

Cw112 · 27/11/2022 02:22

I'm not sure I totally buy this, he's obviously been aware that his mum has been living in these conditions and if she's very depressed I can understand how things have got to that point. However he's just accepted that's how it is rather than stepping up and trying to care for her and get her help. The cats need to

The cats need to go. That's a hoarding situation and would be looked at as animal cruelty for a start. There's no reason why he can't take over making the house decent. The smell of cat urine will probably mean reflecting which I can understand being an expense, but the mould you had to clean off the shower has just been left there to grow. He could hire someone to come in and do a deep clean if he's not fit to do it himself and split the cost with his mum. I'm sure he's a bit depressed too living in those conditions but it's not your problem op, that's for him to deal with and you want someone who steps up and takes responsibility for things which he really doesn't seem to.

QueenCamilla · 27/11/2022 02:31

I'm bought ko an old ladie's house that's fallen into a state of disrepair.

The bloody roofers cancelled on me again last week. So I went up on the roof (for the first time ever) and fixed that roof leak myself!
When I moved in, the shower head was mouldy and the old iron bath needed sanding to get rid of the grime and rusty scale.
I didn't feel clean when entering the kitchen for a long time. There were lots of belongings and dirt left behind, spider nests and woodlice in/on/behind every cupboard, lights not working and when I shook the toaster out of crumbs... Maggots started creeping out from underside of it🤮

I cleaned for three days straight to be able to shower, cook and sleep. That's what you do when you care to have decent living conditions. Your BF doesn't care. He never will.

Fleurdaisy · 27/11/2022 04:04

He sounds irresponsible and should have the cats rehomed. Are they all neutered , vaccinated and flea treated? Because if not you’ll have even more problems — flea infested carpets and furniture, flea bites, cats with cat flu or FIV, please tell me at least the bedding was newly washed.
Walk away now.

AzraiL · 27/11/2022 04:46

And with his long shifts that he works, who is going to clean up after him when he moves out on his own? If the long shifts stop him from cleaning whilst he is at his mum's, surely the same thing would still apply in his own place. Cleaning isn't just 'vacuuming every once in a while and wiping surfaces', even without the presence of cats.

And on another note, does he not smell bad, OP?

amylou8 · 27/11/2022 04:58

Hi mother can choose to live as she wants. He's a grown adult, if he doesn't like it he can clean it or move out. You don't lock cats in a room.

LittIe · 27/11/2022 10:21

OP, I think you need to have a look at yourself in all of this and examine why your standards are so low.

“I don’t parent my children because my disabled mum won’t clean the house I live in” would be enough for 99.99% of women to realise that this isn’t a good man.

hotandspicy · 27/11/2022 10:25

I wouldnt date anyone that lived in a hovel

it isnt expensive or difficult to keep your house clean and tidy, even with kids its more important to keep it clean.

100% would not date a person still living with parents in a house that was dirty.

Scarfymcscarface · 27/11/2022 10:31

How can you contemplate dating someone who is cruel and irresponsible where animals are concerned? Those poor cats.

He sounds thick as shit and lazy too. Just no.

ConnieTucker · 27/11/2022 10:35

LittIe · 27/11/2022 10:21

OP, I think you need to have a look at yourself in all of this and examine why your standards are so low.

“I don’t parent my children because my disabled mum won’t clean the house I live in” would be enough for 99.99% of women to realise that this isn’t a good man.

I mean, all of this. Come on op. Surely you can see this is him? He doesnt clean the house he lives in. He doesnt cook. He doesnt parent his children. He has mental health issues. Are these specific and diagnosed?

you are making a poor decision here and have low standards.

Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 27/11/2022 10:39

So he had a cat, wasn't a responsible owner, now has 3 cats but intends on moving out and leaving them with his mum who already cannot cope with the housework because of her mental health problems. What a peach!

Meanwhile he is expecting his ex to do more than her fair share of looking after their kids because he cannot be bothered to clean up after his own cats. He won't cook because he won't keep his own cats off the worktop or clean the worktop and he is showing you very clearly that if you ever live together and get ill, he will not step up, in fact he will live in squalor rather than do housework

There can't be any sex in the world good enough to contemplate a long term relationship with this manchild

Original poster
Minidaisy · 27/11/2022 10:56

Cw112 · 27/11/2022 02:22

I'm not sure I totally buy this, he's obviously been aware that his mum has been living in these conditions and if she's very depressed I can understand how things have got to that point. However he's just accepted that's how it is rather than stepping up and trying to care for her and get her help. The cats need to

I know he got the one cat neutered recently the one that got pregnant. I'm going to tell him he should get rid of the cats. It's no good when he is at work as the cats will need attention. The amount of money all these sprays are costing to get rid of smells is ridiculous. Another home would love these cats more and he could use the money he saves on cat food, sprays, vet bills etc to get his own place.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2022 11:03

He said when he gets his own place he won't have cats.

But these cats that he doesn’t even like that wee everywhere and walk over the kitchen worktops are HIS!?

Thingsdogetbetter · 27/11/2022 11:14

Did he work long shifts and/or have these health issues when living with his ex? Who kept the rented home clean? Are his health issues and long hours going to magically disappear in the future?

  1. Her? So you know he'll expect that same from you if you move in together.
  2. No one? Will totallybe done to you cos he obviously doesn't care.
  3. Them both equally? So he's basically now too lazy to help his depressed mum while living there on the cheap.

And he is cruel and irresponsible to pets - clear indication of how he'll be if he ever had kids.

KettrickenSmiled · 27/11/2022 11:14

Minidaisy · 26/11/2022 20:43

To be fair to him he does vacuum around and wipe the kitchen worktops but works long shifts and has his own health issues to deal with too. The house got into disrepair as she let it go for many years when she lived alone so it is harder to maintain.

Shift workers are exempt from housework?
Who knew?!

Thingsdogetbetter · 27/11/2022 11:16

KettrickenSmiled · 27/11/2022 11:14

Shift workers are exempt from housework?
Who knew?!

Show quote history

Sudden flood of mumsnetters applying for shift work. Lol

KettrickenSmiled · 27/11/2022 11:19

alicelll · 26/11/2022 22:56

Aww how cute.. a budding cocklodger in the early stages

i feel like Richard Attenborough

😂😂😂

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2022 11:19

LittIe · 27/11/2022 10:21

OP, I think you need to have a look at yourself in all of this and examine why your standards are so low.

“I don’t parent my children because my disabled mum won’t clean the house I live in” would be enough for 99.99% of women to realise that this isn’t a good man.

This!

I would be intrigued to hear from
his ex wife how much housework he did when he was married!

JCoverdale · 27/11/2022 11:27

Animal neglect due to being a neglectful, lazy bastard. Keep the cat litter trays clean. Sprinkle baking soda and vinegar on any urinated on patches of carpet, leave overnight then shampoo - good as new.
I know the type of long neglected house - it can be transformed in two days. The useless, idle bastard hasn't even tried. If he doesn't know how to clean and what to do it what order, there are loads of free videos on Youtube. You don't need fancy cleaning products, even for a filthy house. Multi-purpose flash, bleach tablets, white vinegar and some scrubbers and a mountain of large cloths and clean everything top to bottom. His mother would feel a ton better as well.

If he can't even do the above for his own mother, what do you think he would do for you if you got ill? NOTHING.

What a useless man- whining about his "allergies" - what is the actual point of him? Twat.