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Original poster

His home is unclean

116 replies

Minidaisy · 26/11/2022 20:20

My boyfriend moved back in with his mother after his divorce. He had no property as he and his ex wife used to rent. I stopped over while his mother was away. I felt depressed staying there as a lot of the rooms are painted dark, some of the lights don't work and need an electrician, there is a lot of clutter and a strong smell of cats as they walk on the kitchen worktops which one urinated a lot in the home. When his mother was away he kept the cats in one room and the smell went. There was mould all over the showerhead and the bath jets which I had to clean the mould off the shower head and jets because I don't want to be showering in mould. His mother does no housework and stays in her room as she gets depressed.

Now his mother his back she wants the cats to roam around the house. He even told her his daughters won't stop over because of the cats.

I do blame him because he had one cat which got pregnant and he personally kept 2 kittens but got rid of another 4 kittens. I cant understand him as he said he can't stand the cats.

My boyfriend is saving for a deposit and keeps saying he wants to move out as soon as he can. I just don't want to stop there again. My mood has lifted since I got home as it light and clean.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 27/11/2022 11:28

Now his mother his back she wants the cats to roam around the house. He even told her his daughters won't stop over because of the cats.

HIS cats?!!!!!

He said when he gets his own place he won't have cats.

But he has cats!

Shutting these poor cats in one room won't solve anything and it's incredibly cruel to the cats. The state of his mums house isn't really the issue here although he should really be helping her even previously to living there He's currently equally responsible for that though- more so responsible for the cat issue as they are his. So many bizarre excuses for this man!

Aprilx · 27/11/2022 11:28

This man has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. He sounds vile, he doesn’t look after his children, his pets, shows little concern for his mother, lives in squalor but it’s not his fault apparently. What an absolute disgusting pig. How can you bear to be anywhere near him.

Scarfymcscarface · 27/11/2022 11:31

Minidaisy · 27/11/2022 10:56

I know he got the one cat neutered recently the one that got pregnant. I'm going to tell him he should get rid of the cats. It's no good when he is at work as the cats will need attention. The amount of money all these sprays are costing to get rid of smells is ridiculous. Another home would love these cats more and he could use the money he saves on cat food, sprays, vet bills etc to get his own place.

Show quote history

What vet bills does he have?

is this a piss take? Are you bored?

ladychatt · 27/11/2022 13:02

How long have you been together? I bet there's other issues aside from this, right? He seems devoid of any positive attributes.

dotty12345 · 27/11/2022 14:21

Absolutely disgusted by this, report him and get the Cats Protection people involved, those poor cats.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/11/2022 15:30

How many cats are there?

TheShellBeach · 27/11/2022 15:42

LittIe · 27/11/2022 10:21

OP, I think you need to have a look at yourself in all of this and examine why your standards are so low.

“I don’t parent my children because my disabled mum won’t clean the house I live in” would be enough for 99.99% of women to realise that this isn’t a good man.

This.

Suzi888 · 27/11/2022 16:02

dotty12345 · 27/11/2022 14:21

Absolutely disgusted by this, report him and get the Cats Protection people involved, those poor cats.

This.
No way could I get involved with someone who abuses animals, good god OP raise your standards.

Lookout3 · 27/11/2022 16:11

There's too much focus on the cats. How old is he OP?

TheShellBeach · 27/11/2022 16:17

Lookout3 · 27/11/2022 16:11

There's too much focus on the cats. How old is he OP?

I agree that there's a lot of focus on the cats but a man who can live in squalor, and tell his GF that he can't have his DC round because of the state of his house, is not a keeper.
The fact that he has also shown himself to be feckless with regard to the cats just adds to his lack of charms.

The OP appears to have disappeared. Perhaps she's cleaning the BF's house.

Watchthesunrise · 27/11/2022 16:26

“I don’t parent my children because my disabled mum won’t clean the house I live in”

👏

Hooverphobe · 27/11/2022 16:30

Urgh. He abuses animals and his ill mother.

and all you can think about is saving a deposit?

any normal man would be flinging open the curtains, pouring his mum a hot tea into a clean mug and saying “I’m off to work now, but the electrician is coming at 11 and I’ve given him a list of things to do and he’ll phone me for payment . Love you mum and don’t worry, I’ll get the shopping in on the way home”.

is this your first boyfriend? Have you just been released from prison after a 30 year stretch?

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2022 17:24

is this your first boyfriend? Have you just been released from prison after a 30 year stretch?

😂

Agreed. OP you can do so much better than this!

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/11/2022 17:32

Speechless. 4 billion men on the planet and you’ve decided on this one. If you can clean the disgusting shower so can he. Jesus fucking Christ.

NaturalBae · 27/11/2022 17:50

Gross. Had he been attempting to wash himself in his mould ridden bath before you cleaned it for him and his Mum?

I’m guessing you’re contemplating hanging around as you’ve already had sex.

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Run.

billy1966 · 27/11/2022 17:59

Aprilx · 27/11/2022 11:28

This man has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. He sounds vile, he doesn’t look after his children, his pets, shows little concern for his mother, lives in squalor but it’s not his fault apparently. What an absolute disgusting pig. How can you bear to be anywhere near him.

This.

Kindly meant but your standards must be pretty low to have not walked out the minute you saw this.

This is who he is and this is how your life will end up, you desperately cleaning up after a lazy, filthy man.

Unbelievable.

Lookout3 · 27/11/2022 18:01

TheShellBeach · 27/11/2022 16:17

I agree that there's a lot of focus on the cats but a man who can live in squalor, and tell his GF that he can't have his DC round because of the state of his house, is not a keeper.
The fact that he has also shown himself to be feckless with regard to the cats just adds to his lack of charms.

The OP appears to have disappeared. Perhaps she's cleaning the BF's house.

Show quote history

Yes exactly. Sorry I actually meant that I would be getting out of the house and the relationship too.

Iflyaway · 27/11/2022 18:07

I would have lost interest as soon as I saw his house.

Me too.

As For the cats, I hope you have your contraception doubled up!

CoffeandTiaMaria · 27/11/2022 18:08

jtaeapa · 26/11/2022 20:33

I couldn’t tolerate that. Non functioning adult. Wonder why his marriage ended.

Nor me. He sounds grim and his mother’s house completely revolting. I too wonder why his marriage ended.
I certainly wouldn’t continue the relationship, gives me the ick just reading 🤢

SleepingStandingUp · 27/11/2022 18:12

Let him move in op, then you can clean up after him all the time!!

I'd refuse to stop at his

OldFan · 27/11/2022 19:35

He said when he gets his own place he won't have cats.

PP's have already said but these are his cats, 2 of which he allowed to be born, now he plans to ditch them. How delightful of him. And his mum can't handle them on her own.

I agree that with the 'allergies' thing he's probably kind of angling to move into yours.

Original poster
Minidaisy · 27/11/2022 20:53

OldFan · 27/11/2022 19:35

He said when he gets his own place he won't have cats.

PP's have already said but these are his cats, 2 of which he allowed to be born, now he plans to ditch them. How delightful of him. And his mum can't handle them on her own.

I agree that with the 'allergies' thing he's probably kind of angling to move into yours.

I live in a house share so he certainly won't move in with me as the landlord won't allow it. It is a complicating situation as someone else partly owns the house but does not live there so they should be paying for an electrician. I can see why my boyfriend won't spend money on the property as the property will be going to his niece who has manipulated the owner into signing it over to her through financial abuse as she has got the owner to give her money tooas they have dementia. I don't see why my boyfriend should spend all of his money doing up a property he has no ownership of and never will.

OP posts:
Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 27/11/2022 20:55

Minidaisy · 27/11/2022 20:53

I live in a house share so he certainly won't move in with me as the landlord won't allow it. It is a complicating situation as someone else partly owns the house but does not live there so they should be paying for an electrician. I can see why my boyfriend won't spend money on the property as the property will be going to his niece who has manipulated the owner into signing it over to her through financial abuse as she has got the owner to give her money tooas they have dementia. I don't see why my boyfriend should spend all of his money doing up a property he has no ownership of and never will.

Show quote history

There is a difference between doing up and cleaning up. Your boyfriend is apparently incapable of either.

Original poster
Minidaisy · 27/11/2022 21:06

I understand where you are coming from. He should just keep the place clean if he feels he should not be doing it up. I feel if it was clean and the cats were rehomed his health would drastically improve. I just can't understand why he won't rehome the cats if he struggles to look after them.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 27/11/2022 21:17

You are excusing him.

Good luck with that.

He is filthy and lives in filth.

This means he has no basis for living a hygienic life.

He will always live in filth as he has zero standards.

He will force the person he lives with to be his skivvy as the alternative is live in filth with him.

That you would spend 5 minutes innsuch a place is questionable.

I feel like itching at what you describe.

Stay with him, live with him and you can expect to turn into his mother.

Men who live in filth are not normal and you will learn first hand what other questionable person habits he has if you are foolish enough to continue with him.

Good luck.