Checking name change…

[NotSureHowBad]

Just checking if name change works before posting

I’m considering having an affair with a man who I met in a professional context in relation to my (adult) child. My partner wouldn’t mind; his wife very much would. But I’m not married to her and it’s fine from my relationship point of view.

This wouldn’t be a “serious” affair ending in me and the affair partner getting together in a monogamous serious relationship.

Currently I’m pretty much saying “definitely not” but veering occasionally towards “maybe”.

Sounds like a great idea where nothing could possibly go wrong. Go for it!

Well I get the sarcasm but for MY life, no, not much could go wrong.

I agree, sounds like a good way to pass some time.

Again, I get the sarcasm, but pretty much yes, that.

What are you hoping to get from this post? You know no one here is going to congratulate you and recommend you cheat with someone.

Why even ask the question just WHY

Sounds like a great idea. Your son will really benefit.

I mean, things could go wrong imo. You met this man in a professional capacity in relation to an adult child - workplace rumours (especially if his wife finds out and it all goes tits up) are surely going to impact yours or his life in the future?

I don't understand the "I'm not married to her" comment, surely common decency means if you know your actions could ruin someone's life then you're a bit of a dick for going ahead with it with an "I'm alright jack" mentality?

Please don’t, you may never understand the pain it can cause to another person just for your personal superficial gain

Well no, I don’t know that. My ex husband cheated, left me for the other woman, it was incredibly painful and changed all of our lives for ever, and I now have to co parent with him for our younger children who are primary aged and one of whom was a baby when the affair and family break up happened.

Obviously I have to amicably co parent with my children’s step mum as well, as he married the other woman. And no matter what people say about “karma” or “he’ll cheat on her too” etc etc, there was never any karma and as far as I know they’re perfectly happily married.

so no, I don’t know that it would definitely be a problem really to have a much more casual affair than that as if no one finds out, no one would be out in that situation.

Fill your boots! Sounds v sensible.

Another flippant “gotcha” response, but in my own experience this will not result in bad “karma” for the cheater. My OWN partner would not have a problem with it, the one I owe consideration to.

As a women who is going through this on the receiving end right now. I don't know what to say yeah sure go for it. You sound delightful. Your thrill is worth more than other people's wellbeing.

There's plenty of men in dating apps you could have a fling with without causing harm to other people.

So many trolls.

Do you and your partner have an open relationship?
Why are you sometimes "definitely not" if there is no down side for you?
Aren't you at all concerned about hurting his wife? Tbh, knowing he was married and prepared to hurt someone he cares about would a) turn me off and b) make me worry about what he'd be prepared to do to me to get his own way...

My ex husband’s “thrill” was worth it for him and he’s thrived since, as has his now wife. As I have too eventually after the initial massive shock and the upheaval. The children are happy with the co parenting set up and also thriving.

im telling you that most of the reasons I’ve thought “definitely not” are about the pain I was caused when I was on the flip side of an affair but tbh, no one really gave a shit, my ex still socialises with some of our mutual friends from before and nothing really went wrong for him and his wife.

so I’m wondering - is it really that bad? Particularly as in the case I’m considering no one would even potentially know.

After being through all of that, you'd inflict it on another person? That's really really terrible in my opinion, I think it's quite a considered and cruel thing to do.

What if the other man doesn't want to touch you with a bargepole? This is all very presumptuous unless you've already had a conversation/given a blow job?

My own experience has changed my thoughts on this though. To an extent. Which is why I’m considering it and haven’t yet done it.

He does. He’s been uncomfortably clear.

Yes, it is really that bad to have an affair.
People can and do move on but purposely doing something to hurt someone else shows how much of a dick you are.

Why doesn't your partner care?
How do you think no one will know?

Is your self esteem through the floor?.

Knock yourself out love.

My partner wouldn’t care because we have an open relationship with some boundaries. I wouldn’t be purposely hurting someone else. And no my self esteem isn’t great but not because of this possibility.

It's coming across very "I was hurt so other people should be hurt"

Or maybe "I was hurt therefore i don't care about hurting others"

If your own orgasm so much more important than someone else's family then I pity you.