Checking name change…

[NotSureHowBad]

Just checking if name change works before posting

Or I was hurt and we all had to move on and my exh and his wife have as much right to happiness as I did?

and none of that karma stuff came true and we all had to behave like adults?

and in my particular current case it’s different in that no one’s going to fall in love and leave anyone?

So you're cheating on your partner because your ex cheated on you?

I think you need to get over what happened with your ex

Not cheating on my partner, other man would be cheating on his. I am over what happened in the sense that we’re all living happy lives now, but my attitude from experience has changed somewhat but obviously not completely as I’m still asking the question rather than just being sure and confident I’d be fine with this.

How is it not cheating if you have a partner and want to have sex with someone else?

To be clear, I absolutely would be fine with it and the only thing stopping me is his partner wouldn’t . I don’t know her, I only know this because he told me.

Your exH cheated on you and left you devastated at the time, but everything has worked itself out, but you're still happy to put another woman through the same experience?

True you don't owe her anything, it's the AFPartners responsibility, but by taking this step you will be contributing to her misery. You can't avoid some responsibility as you would both be guilty. Your own moral code should be telling you this

Not all relationships are monogamous? Did you know that?

Sorry I missed this.

I still don't see how you can justify the pain you'll cause other people

Everything has worked itself out because it HAD to as he left me for her, we had small children who had to be put first and frankly their well being was more important than my animosity towards her (and it was mostly towards her as I’d never loved her).

we all rub along fine. We coparent fifty fifty. I had the kids for their two week honeymoon etc etc.

They had no negative consequences long term from their affair. Much as my friends shouted “karma will happen!”

I choose not to live in a monogamous relationship anymore and am very happy with my partner.

if this guy wants to have a casual fling with me, which he says he does, I’m just wondering how ok am I with it really given he IS in a supposedly exclusive marriage.

You're looking at it from a very selfish view point. Just leave it alone if you're happy with your current partner. Open relationship or not

So you really don't care how this man's wife might feel if she found out you were shagging her husband?

Yes it IS a selfish viewpoint. But I’m wondering how much that matters, how much I care about that and how much I SHOULD really given I’m not the one who’d be dishonest or cheating.

I say if it will make you happy do it, life is to short to be miserable.

I've been the wife to a man with another woman it sucks BUT reality is we was both miserable. He did what he did yea it hurt but actually it's what we both needed to move on and find true happiness.

Obviously I care a bit which is the entire point of the thread and why I haven’t just said “hell yes!” To a very attractive man.

@anotherfuture that's the flip side of my thoughts. Thank you for seeing that!

If your partner is happy for you to sleep with other people but this other guy's wife will not be, why don't you just look for another guy who is single?
You've already said no one would be falling in love so it must just be physical. Why does it have to be the married guy?

Sometime we have to be selfish and put ourselves first.

Because he’s very attractive and I’m very attracted to him and I didn’t have to seek him out?

You can't say for certain that she won't find out. You don't owe her loyalty as you haven't promised her exclusivity however some ethical empathic people may not wish to be party for the betrayal in any shape or form.

So it's down to will you cope with any backfire such as her telling people about your affair and it affecting your reputation? The world can be a very small place; and Is easing your horniness for this man by having sex with him is so important and so worth a guilty conscious (potentially, you may have zero remorse).

By the way, If you had spent 5 minutes on Mumsnet you would know the stance here is 90% anti cheating. Reddit's r/adultery is that way >>>

I’m not LOOKING for other guys. To be clear that’s not how my relationship works. He just turned up in life by chance.

Wouldn’t be a serious affair ?
pretty sure his wife wouldn’t see it that way , but as long as your alright Jack 🙄

Does your partner see other people?

In some ways, I can forgive and understand an affair where things had been bad for years with your spouse and you genuinely fell in love. Ruining someone's life and inflicting pain on them even by proxy for the sake of ticking off a fantasy is incredible callous, entitled and selfish. Your posts come across as: 'My ex cheated on me and we're alright. Sod his wife, she'll be ok too. It's my turn now to have fun'

The thing is, if you genuinely didn't feel even a tiny amount of guilt for his partner, you wouldn't be mulling it over. I get the open relationship thing, but his wife is the innocent victim.

I don’t think from experience it would have many or any long term consequences for me. But might for her and his child. If she found out.

which is why I’m not just doing it! But am considering it.

I mean, obviously if she turned out to be a mad person and killed me because of it, that would be bad for my family! But I have no indication she’s a lunatic.