Am I being paranoid for no reason ?

[Trace33]

My DH has been promoted to a managerial position fairly recently,meaning he deals with lots of different departments. He has a work laptop and phone which he uses in his role
A few weeks ago the alarm on his private phone went off and as I switched it off his whatsapp was open. I noticed a profile i had never seen before of quite a young girl. Admittedly I was curious and opened the chats.
They were from another manager who he deals with a lot at work ,basically discussing work and some pictures of work situations that needed to be dealt with.
The replies back forth were friendly but formal ish, there was one about thank god it was a weekend but apart from that nothing sinister.
I did mention them to him as I was confused as to why he hadnt used his work phone and he said he couldnt download the app to send pictures as it wanted an ID number and he couldnt do it.
As a former manager myself I said it was best to keep interactions with colleagues on work phones etc so youre not being contacted on your own time.
He got very defensive and had a huff about me not trusting him and why was I making an issue.
This made alarm bells ring for me a bit but it died down.
His work party is in a few weeks and in the next town over so easily accessible by cab or public transport. He has mentioned work are subsidising rooms in hotels,as a lot of staff dont live as close as we do.
He said he had booked a room and I was a bit confused as to why saying we live pretty close. He then brought up the texts and said i dont trust him and flounced off.
The next day he said he had cancelled the room and would just come home.
Today he has said the guy who took over his room cant go so he has to pay for it as the booking is still in his name.
I've not said anything either way, just said ah ok, but I get the feeling he is angling to stay there and never really gave the room up.
I'm not sure if I'm just being paranoid but I cant understand his defensiveness and also now why he would book a room for xmas night out when he could just come home.
This girl (22) is attending the party but then almost all of the senior staff are.
For context hes attend lots of work dos in the same city and always come home and hes never had random people from work on his private phone.
His behaviour at home hasnt changed but this has set alarm bells off. Just interested for an outside perspective.

I think you're being paranoid.

We often use our personal phones for sending images on WhatsApp.

I can't see any issues here. How long would the travel home from the party be?

You sound paranoid.

You are being paranoid.

There's no way anyone here can know for sure - but on the info you've presented, you sound paranoid, and possibly owing an apology.

I can't download certain apps to my work phone, so colleagues tend to message via our personal phones 🤷‍♀️

You sound like an overbearing manager!

I actually really disagree with posters saying you are being paranoid.

Why would he book a room when he lives nearby? Especially after the exchange about the text. I mean, if I were him I'd think 'better just get a taxi home, don't want her to worry'. I wouldn't want to add fuel to the fire. Normal people (who aren't cheating) do all they can to reestablish trust and make their partner feel secure.

I mean yeah it could be totally innocent. But I think in those times where your gut tells you someone is lying, you should trust it, personally.

That aside, the exception would bf if you have form for accusing him of cheating when he never has.

But if this is something that is just setting your gut alarm bells ringing then id trust it.

Definitely not paranoid.

I'm going to say based on the whatsapp chat, you do seem a bit paranoid. However, I am a strong believer in gut instinct and something about it has fired a little alarm in you. Something you picked up on in the messages, his reaction, body language, whatever it is something has made you stop for a second and think this isn't quite adding up as it should.

The hotel thing though is totally weird. As you're so close, why on earth book a hotel when he was close enough to get a taxi home? And as you say, he has never done this before. I could sort of understand slightly if the company was paying for the hotel, but your post suggests he has to pay for it. And it isn't refundable. The fact its at his cost and its so close to home, would he normally chat about it with you before booking something like this? Only asking as I can't see DP just booking and paying for a hotel for a works party down the road without mentioning it to me first.

Are partners invited to the works party?

Its really hard to know based on that whether you are being paranoid. But from experience, it can be something that most people might think was so inconsequential, that just triggers something that makes you feel somethings up. You know your DH, is there anything before this whatsapp he might have said or done that may have then put that chat convo into a different perspective for you?

I don’t think you’re paranoid either. It’s obvious he wants to stay at the hotel whereas he never did before.

Hi all I appreciate the responses. I also appreciate I do look paranoid as I was writing I did feel a bit bonkers!
However something feels off. I didnt accuse him of anything and he was very hostile which he isnt usually. The hotel thing is the most strange it is literally 15 minutes in a cab. If it was an hour away or much longer I would totally get it. Something just feels off .Before anyone says it I have no bother with him being out and dont even normally message him when he is.

Oh and no partners arent invited it's all paid for as well. The hotel is subsidised but he did have to pay toward it.

Take it partners can't attend the party?

I'd show up at the hotel haha.
'Oh honey, I thought, why waste a double bed in a hotel on just sleeping right? So I've come to join you' (Or 'Who the fuck is this!?' Whichever one is applicable).

Or act like you're buying his story. Then on the night once he leaves, get your spy clothes on and go do some sleuthing. Take a camera.

She’s not a girl she’s a grown ass woman and there are clearly issues here in terms of insecurity or Jealousy . Why are you reading his personal messages. There is nothing at all in there to suggest any romantic involvement. They are simply colleagues working together.

I could say you are being paranoid.

But my ex husband was having an affair and I had that gut feeling.

Took 9 months to get proof.

He was pretending to be at work and instead took his laptop into hotels during the day and booked rooms.

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't.

Why would he book a room when he lives nearby?

have you really never done this, I have, it’s so you can stay up late drinking and partying and have a lovely night in a hotel. Wake up. Brekkie in bed, long lie in etc, it’s fab

@Christmasfireplacewreath that's great except we have very small children and a limited amount of money. Plus theres no parking at hotel so he will have to get a cab home. So cab and hotel or just cab? Must be lovely to be able to be so selfish eh !

Like I said earlier. Sometimes its the smallest thing. And you think you sound paranoid. Not saying you aren't! But also not saying you are in this case.

I'd probably do a bit of digging though.

I remember this one about emojis. I think a fair few posters said the OP was paranoid and a bit nuts www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4378093-Emojis

I don't think you're being paranoid considering the change in behavior. He doesn't normally book a hotel. Normally comes home. I would be asking myself why this year is any different. It seems you've come up with a hypothesis which sounds entirely reasonable. I would also be suspicious of him going in a huff. Unless you are always nagging him (I assume you don't) then I wouldn't expect him to go in a huff. He would be putting your mind at rest, surely?!

Yes you are paranoid and I am not surprised he is hacked off with your ridiculous behaviour. You shouldn’t have read his work related emails and you didn’t find anything untoward anyway yet you are still carrying on. I’d tell you to get lost but not as politely.

@Aprilx please read the post before you send rather angry messages. Firstly it wasn't a work email it was a private whatsapp. Secondly I have not gone on about anything. I've asked about hotels when we live a short distance away. As he will have to pay for both a cab and a hotel if he stays. As it's not normal for either of us to go to this city and stay over as we live so close to it.

I don't think you're being paranoid. Multiple tiny things going on here that have set off your inner alarm. Could be nothing but I would keep on eye on things. Ignore the likes of @Aprilx some people like being obnoxious on here because they don't dare be assertive in real life

"that's great except we have very small children and a limited amount of money."

How young are your children?
Maybe he sees it as his chance to have a night away from home - didnt you say above that the room is partially paid for by the company?
There could be an innocent explanation for why he wants to stay overnight. The 22 year old (so far) sounds like a red herring unless there are other red flags.

You are not being paranoid.
Listen to your gut. It’s your second brain.
Play a long quiet game.
In six months time a jigsaw might come together but hopefully not.
Keep your antennae up, keep your tinder dry & in yr shoes I might keep a journal. But that’s me being paranoid!!

This issue aside

I’ll take a punt that your marriage isn’t generally in a very… good place?